HBO's commercial for The Dark Knight is all kinds of awesome...  


1) They went with different lines of dialogue from the original trailers.

2) Pixies' "Where is my mind?" plays in the background!!!!!!!!!

60% of the jokes in Margaret Cho's Assassin go like this...  


Setup: It's wrong to be homophobic. And if you mess with gay people...

Punchline: You'll won't be able to [insert something that is stereotypically done by gay people].

Follow up 'humor': Gay impression.


Setup: We should have gay marriage. And until we do, the...

Punchline: wedding planners should refuse to help straight people plan their weddings.

Followup humor: [With gay speech pattern] Oh no, girl, I'm not going to plan your wedding!

It's so amazingly simple minded. I can write a stand up routine for her. All you would have to do is create a list of things that are stereotypical to the gay community. Shoot, I had other examples, but I've already forgotten. I feel sad that people find her funny. I get it of course, she speaks to a community that's underrepresented. She's empowering. They interviewed fans before and after the show, and you can tell that she's having an impact on people. Which is great.

But funny she aint.

North Korea is bad at photoshop  


on a couch  


Not since Michael Jordan told me what shoes to wear and what burger to eat has a spokesman so captured my attention. A whole generation is going to grow up wanting to be like Eugene.

For those of you who don't get these Horizion/New Jersey commercials, this one is definitely a head turner. Literally. Because every time it comes on, I turn my head from my computer and think "what is that god awful sound coming from my tv?"

With a speech pattern eerily similar to Mitch from a Mighty Wind,

[Go to 2:09 in the Trailer here]:

Eugene is able to bring the universe to a screeching, creepy hault. Is he so in love with the sound of his own voice that he needs to p a u s e between each syllable?

And the absolute best part of the commercial is when he uses the word sagacity. What portion of the people watching this Mets' game is going to know what that word means, Eugene? He even does a little cocky grin before he says it. But don't take my word for it, see for yourself

I need to pretend like I never used to watch wrestling  


This is the lowest of the low

I have a bird with ocd  


Over a month ago, I awoke to the sounds of acorns falling and bouncing off my window and onto my AC. They fell consistently for several hours before I decided to take a look. Turns out it wasn't acorns, but rather a bird. It would sit on my a/c wall unit, and then fly up to the window and smash into it. It would then come crashing down and fall on the a/c. Rinse and repeat for hours.

Whenever I would stand near the window, it would fly away, only to return. I went outside to shoo it away, but it came back. And back, and back, and back. It's been over a month now, and it wakes me up every morning. I don't understand how it's not dead yet. It smashes into the window with great velocity. I don't even know when it eats.

If that wasn't strange enough, last week it started flying around to my back window as well and doing the same thing. So it's not COMPLETELY insane. It actually does have a get inside my house. I just can't imagine why.

if you have 18 minutes to kill...  


and let's face it, if you are reading this blog, you definitely have 18 minutes to kill.

How does Janeane Garofalo justify being on 24?  


I'm disgusted with myself for watching such right wing propaganda; my only solace is in the fact that I don't have a Neilson box. But how on earth could Janeane Garofalo be on this show? The show is essentially an infomercial for torture. Anytime a "liberal" view gets expressed on the show, it turns out to be easily refuted or "proven" naive. I don't get it. Was she that in need of a paycheck?

Anyway, at least she redeemed herself partially when ambushed here:

Aubrey Huff...  


You are on notice.



I was too lazy to look for my remote, so I left $portscenter on after the Red Sox game. The opening "skit" involved one of the hosts getting a 5th foul and needing to hit the bench while another host took his place. Is this what they do now? Is this the natural "progression" of corny catchphrases. I need to see what their ratings are. People can't actually watch this, right?

Anyway, the most cringing moment came during highlights of the Lakers' game. I only turned my head b/c I was trying to see if Jeff Van Gundy is still their coach.

There was a dramatic pause as they showed the "highlight" of their announcer (Pam something?) interview Phil Jackson as the 2nd quarter ended. Usually, these "interviews" are pointless fluff. "Hey coach, what do you plan on doing in the second half" "Um, try harder?".

But, if this was going to be a "highlight", something great must have happened. Maybe Phil told her off. So I turn fully around and pay attention.

"After Pam _____ spoke to Phil, she twittered this...."

[they then do the shadow highlighting gimmick as though they were reading a deposition]

"just interviewed phil. he didn't seem nervous about being down. thinks houston will tire themselves out"

Are people really so stupid that they don't realize that Twitter is just a new form of advertising? Follow the dollars:

NBA --> ESPN ---> Twitter ---> NBA

Rinse and repeat. ESPN is just using Twitter as a way of telling people "hey, come spend your dollars on me".

Why is In Treatment selling out to Apple?  


Look, I get that it's a business. I get that the only reason TV exists is so that companies make money. I accept that I pay 20 bucks for HBO, and that on other networks I have to deal with commercials (or fast forwarding through a DVR). But when the product is actually airing, I [Holy moly...side rant: Have networks stopped putting up those annoying ads on the bottom of screens? I feel like I haven't seen them in awhile. Wow, how could I have JUST noticed that???]

Anyway, when the product is airing, I don't want to have to deal with commercials. It takes me out of the moment. I'm trying to suspend belief when I watch a show. I need to forget that these are actors, reading lines that someone else wrote. So when I'm watch In Treatment, and I notice an Iphone being a plot point on "Tuesday" and then three Ipods being a plot point on "Wednessday", I immediately lose my disbelief. I start thinking about a bunch of suits coming up with a great way to make money. I picture them coming into the writers' room and telling them to crowbar an Apple device into the story.

It all makes me sick. Now, I can't even look at Paul's Apple laptop without getting angry.

Shouldn't it be: Mothers' Day ?  


The day celebrates all mothers. It's their (plural) day. Mothers' Day. Not Mother's Day. Come on people!

Deja Vu at tWWL  


"Brett would have to be mentally ready to go play, physically ready to go play and want to go play, and I'm not sure all three of those things are there right now." Cook said.

To play a 19th NFL season, Cook said, "Brett would have to be mentally ready to go play, physically ready to go play and want to go play, and I'm not sure all three of those things are there right now."

Just who exactly is Muhammad Ali?  


It's already off of HBO's schedule, but apparently there the documentary Thrilla in Manila has some interesting insights on the man. I was stunned to learn that he spoke before the KKK. From what little I did know, I've always felt a bit uneasy about how Ali demonized Frasier, particularly when it came to race. If Howard's review of the documentary is accurate, this seems like something I must see. Does Ali get a pass for his past discretions because of his disease?

10.05 = 10.00, but 10.00 /= 9.95  


Last week, I was very troubled when I paid 10.05 for a salad (and yes, paying that much for a salad is troubling in and of itself, but that's a different complaint) and received 9.95 in change when I paid with a 20. Where I work, you can swing a dead cat and hit 10 different places to purchase a salad for lunch. They all cost about the same (give or take), they are all about the same size (give or take) and they all have the same types of options for ingredients (again, give or take).

Maybe I'm oversimplifying things, but the best way to distinguish yourself from the competition is with excellent customer service. They should make me want to give them my money. You can't re-invent the wheel when it comes to a salad, but you can try to make the exchange as pleasant as possible.

If they ran a cost-benefit analysis, they would see that the .05 they saved by not handing me a 10 dollar bill cost them a lot more in future sales. I have to assume there are people out there like me who could be annoyed enough to boycott a place after such a transaction. It shows a complete lack of concern for my well-being. Ok, "well-being" might be too strong a term, but having to stick 5 bills into my wallet plus a pocket full of change is very annoying.

It's quite possible that the owner/management has told the cashiers that their register has to match the receipts exactly. If that's the case, that's just a poor business decision. Receiving 10 dollars for a salad is essentially the same as receiving 10.05. I refuse to believe their profit margin is so slim as to actually be affected by a nickel. And in the interests of good customer service, they should have accounted for how displeased I would be with 95 cents in change.

We listen to music in only two dimensions.  


In a perfect world, my ideal way to listen to music would be as such:

In a comfortable chair, I would be surrounded by the music. The sound of the drums would be behind me. The bass would be below me, perhaps even within me. Vocals would be directed at me. Guitars would start towards the side of me, perhaps even dancing above me, should the mood fit.

Sounds wouldn't just fade in and out. I want a sense of distance. I want the haunting piano of A Perfect Circle's Imagine to be far away on the horizon. In RATM's Freedom, I want Zack de la Rocha whispering into my ear that "Anger is a Gift". And when Dave Matthews duels Boyd Tinsley in Watchtower, I want to hear them circling around me.

The technology that currently exists could quite easily handle these requests. With home theaters becoming increasingly popular/cheaper, the average household will soon have enough speakers to simulate REAL surround sound. Being able to "feel" sound can easily be simulated too, without the need of turning the volume all the way up. If bands wanted to make three dimensional music, they could.

Sadly, however, there doesn't seem to be any pressing desire to experiment with these ideas. For too long, we've thought of music as being two dimensional: Left-vs-Right and Loud(up)-vs-Soft(down). And heck, as the Loudness War rages on, music is quickly becoming one dimensional.

I suppose technology giveth, and it taketh away. As advances in technology (file compression-->portability) increases the quantity of music that a listener can consume, it is redefining how people listen. And how you listen makes all the difference in the world.

One could argue that the golden age of music took place in the 60's. Back then, the average household had one family TV. Thus, for a television program to be popular, it had to conform to what was considered family-appropriate. Edgy shows didn't exist, much less available to a kid trying to avoid parental supervision.

But music was different. Music could be taken to the basement and listened to on headphones. It could be shared among friends; there were no time restrictions as to WHEN it could be listened to. A culture was cultivated through music, and hooked a generation that longed to be apart of something......something different than other mediums could provide.

Today, there are many more things competing for that niche market. Every kid has a TV in their own room, in addition to a computer, video game system, and smart phone. By plugging in, kids are easier to unplug from the "mainstream", whatever that might currently entail. Since music no longer needs to be the torchbearer for the edgy culture, it has faded into a commercial pop. But it wasn't just the greedy record labels that created this mess, it's the technology driving the industry as well.

Whether or not music is "dead" is up for debate. The current technology definitely makes it easier to discover new music. The underground tape-trading scene has now been replaced with a click of the mouse. Programs exist that can accurately "suggest" new music based on your current tastes. These are all great things, and without them, there would have been a lot of bands that I would have missed on the way up. But the culture of music is gone. My generation doesn't have the bands that define us. We have no flag bearer. We have no Bob Dylan. And you begin to wonder if we'll ever get back to a place where that will change.