something reminded me tonight of this...  


and i had to search for it. i was hoping that it was filthy who drew my attention to this way of writing, but wasn't sure. what a pleasent surprise:

I'm not sure who knows what Deus Ex Machina is, but it's a story term meaning "a god introduced into a story to resolve the entanglements of the plot. Any artificial or improbable device introduced into a story to resolve the plot." Whenever you see some cheap trick used to solve a plot problem, you're seeing Deus Ex Machina, the lazy bastard's best friend.

Most writers at least have enough class to invent their own cheap solution. But the not here. In Planet of the Apes, the Powerbook-and-goatee boys were so lazy they used the literal definition and ran with it. No, wait, they walked because it hurts too much to run with studio executive hands up their asses.

And, it gets worse. For whatever reason, the chimp is traveling through space with a pistol, which is then conveniently used for the one-millionth scramble-for-the-dropped-gun scene. Marky and the chimp hold hands causing all the apes to decide they were wrong to ever mistreat humans. That's followed Marky stealing the poor chimp's pod and flying back into space. He returns to earth back in the present where, for no good reason, modern-day earth is ruled by the exact same apes (down to the nams) who were ruling some distant planet hundreds of years from now. Hollywood expects our minds to be blown.

Those thieving grassfuckers in LA think we're so Goddamn stupid that the "surprise" of this ending will outweigh the sheer disbelief of even the dumb teenagers behind me. Note to studio executives: a twist only works if it makes some sense. Any sense. A ripe pile of shit out of left field just makes you look desperate. And you obviously were.

1 mississippi, 2 mississippi  


is there a back story to why kids count that to measure time? how would one even go about researching that?



According to recent reports, South Korean Lineage players have been ganging up on Chinese players in an attempt to wipe them from Korean servers. The recent killings are a response to rumors that Chinese gamers have not been following the unspoken rule: don't take money or items dropped by a monster slain by another player.

Items from the game are sold for real money on online trading sites, and Chinese gamers have been reportedly joining South Korean servers because there are greater opportunities for making real money in these matches due to an abundance of trade. Unfortunately, Korean gamers have begun to see the Chinese presence as a threat, prompting some of these players to stage violent massacres. In areas like the Island of Dreams, where it is relatively simple to earn money, gangs of Korean players have been hunting down any Chinese player that dares to enter the region. One Korean player claims, "you can tell they are Chinese because they can't speak Korean."

Lineage continues to be plagued by identity theft, which may be linked to reports that suggest there are Chinese sweatshops where workers play ceaselessly to earn money using Korean identities. More than 220,000 South Koreans have reported their identities stolen. NCsoft, makers of the game, are aware of the virtual genocide and have begun blocking Chinese IP addresses on Korean servers. NCsoft has sided with Koreans because the company is against item trading, which NCsoft apparently considers an exclusively Chinese practice.

i spent way too long on this  


to only have one person read it. so instead of just replying to him, i'll paste it here too. so that a 2nd person will read it.

1.What time did you get up this morning?
10:30ish, but only because i had a late night of drinking.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Pearls. Diamonds symbolize the sheep-like mentality of humanity. The cartel tricks people into thinking diamonds have value, and people sacrafice so much to obtain them. How much you love your wife can be measured by the size of the diamond you got her. Ha! i wish i still had the link of the thesis i read on diamonds. It was shocking to see how manipulative the cartel was and is. Pearls at least have a natural beauty to them.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
King Kong? I hated it.

4.What is your favorite TV show?
Six Feet Under. Currently (and i use that term loosely), it's Arrested Development. No wait, the Colbert could i forget?

5. What did you have for breakfast?
leftover pizza from last night. But it was more like a brunch.

6. What is your middle name?
Andrew. My spelling is so bad that i actually had to look at that for awhile to make sure i got it right.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
I could live exclusively on Italian.

8. What foods do you dislike?
Now that I've grown to tolerate beets, i think the only thing i actively don't like is asaparagus. I'm not a fan of celery in potato salad, but that's more of a texture issue, not taste.

9. Your favorite Potato chip?
Sour cream and onion. Though the bite sized tostitoes rule all. And pepper jack doritoes are fantastic.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
A few days ago i saw a documentary on "american idiot" and how it's a rock opera. Ever since then, i've been re-into the album. I wish i could pick a more unique album than that.

11. What kind of car do you drive?
ha! I haven't driven in a decade.

12. Favorite sandwich?
There was an old italian deli where i used to work. They barely spoke any english, and I don't think they realized how ridiculously overstuffed their sandwiches were. For about 6 months straight, we always got capicola, salami, provoline with oil and vinegar. Those sandwiches were heavenly. I wish i could remember the name of the deli, they deserve the plug.

13. What characteristics do you despise?
I don't like people who are not self aware. I also don't like people who refuse to at least TRY to be objective. The people who would rather take the easy way out and blindly believe in something instead of searching for the truth (even if that truth turns out to be dark), annoy me.

14. Favorite item of clothing?
The effort that goes into clothing kills me. Just give me a solid colored shirt that fits, and comfortable jeans. That being said, there was this pair of sneakers that i really liked in the mall a couple of months ago. They didn't have my size, but now i've become obsessed with getting them. It's the first time since i was 14 that i've actively cared about a piece of clothing.

15. Where in the world on vacation would you go?

16. What color is your bathroom?
I assume it's white. I do know that my mom insisted on hanging up some framed thing that has bathroom humor on it. Sort of like a top ten list. I was so embarassed that I couldn't win the argument as to what goes in my bathroom, that I vowed never to read the list. Years later, and i think i've only glanced at one or two lines by accident.

18. Where would you want to retire?
at a Vineyard in Italy

19. Favorite time of day?
11:30 pm on weeknights - the Colbert Report.

20. Where were you born?
Hackettstown NJ. It really drives me crazy when i'm asked that question on forms and stuff, b/c i never know how to spell that town.

21. Favorite sport to watch?
Live - Baseball. On tv, college basketball (that's new for me). If SHU played at a small venue, i'd probably love it live too.

22. Who do you least expect to send this back?
I don't know enough about myspace to mass email. I assume this is going just to joeysoup.

23. Person you expect to send it back first?
nobody, since Joeysoup already sent it out.

24. What laundry detergent do you use?
It's in a yellow container. I could pick it out of a lineup, but i can't remember the name.

25. Coke or Pepsi?
I had a grape soda the other day that was just awesome. Over the long hall, i'd have to go with diet mountain dew, code red.

26. Are you a morning person or night owl?
Now that my sleep apnea is under control, i'm good in teh mornings too. I like both ends of the day, but it's the middle that i find a little grueling.

27. sandals or boots shoe do you wear?
I don't wear sandals or boots. and i hate shoes too. just give me sneakers.

28. Do you own any pets?
no. I'm also tempted to get a cat at some point, but i won't.

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone?
I just found out last night that i might be eligible for a three month extension for unemployment. But, i think i may be close to getting a job.

30. What did you want to be when you were little?
not little. I wasted a good chunk of my life always waiting for the future. Now, i'm more content with the present.

31. Favorite Candy Bar?
twix or kit kats. i don't eat them enough to really have an answer.

32. What is your best childhood memory?
watching WWF ppv's at my cousin's house. Generally just sleeping over there and whatnot.

33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life?
private tutor, professional note taker, umpire, computer lab assistant, exam proctor, judge's law clerk.

34. What color underwear are you wearing?
white, always white. I can't stand thinking about clothes, do you really think i'm going to deal with underwear too?

35. Nicknames:
Denny, FFB, "D"

36. Piercing?
Never got around to getting one. Now, it's cliched.

37. Eye color?
brown i guess.

38. Ever been to Africa?

39. Ever been toilet papering?

40. Love someone so much it made you cry?

41. Been in a car accident?
Just one, but boy was it a doozy.

42. Croutons or Bacon Bits?
croutons, though i have issues with their size and structure. I don't like the ones that you can't press your fork through but are too big to be scooped up with a normal forkful of salad.

43. Favorite day of the week?
Always loved sunday afternoons. I think that might be a defining characteristic. Saturday nights are all full of drama, but the sunday afternoon is so calm and relaxing. Nothing beats falling asleep to a football game.

44. Favorite restaurant?
The rodizio place in Belville. Although, maybe i'd go with "bertas" just b/c that's where we always go for family outings. But, i don't really like the food there anymore.

45. Favorite flower(s)?
White roses. Depending on the situation, maybe one single red rose in the center of the red roses. But, i am looking forward to death, b/c i really love Uncle Chuck's bleeding heart. Joey, are you listening? do one up nice and special when i go.

46. Favorite ice cream?
Vanilla. Probably vanilla bean if i had to be specific, but french vanilla is good too.

47. Disney or Warner Brothers?
Warner Brothers. Daffy Duck has sass. Although, i wish i could choose neither, b/c i hate supporting either one of the big 5 corporations (disney, aol time warner, news corp, GE, viacom)

48. Favorite fast food restaurant?
uh, there's a place around teh block that has 5 dollar large plain pies that are actually good. and that's not even 5 plus tax. You just hand him a 5 dollar bill and he hands you a pie. Wendys is good too though.

49. What color is your bedroom carpet?
my floor is all tiled. though i have four little patches of biege carpet under the wheels of the bed.

50. How many times did you fail your driver's test
zero. shocked?

51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail?
"the James". We had to recap the events of last night, and discuss our tentative plans for a table shuffle board adventure on sunday. any interest?

52. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Best buy. I couldn't even think of a second store. I live at best buy.

53. What do you do most often when you are bored?
internet and eat.

54. Bedtime?
anytime after Colbert Report (12)

55. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire?
I was really interested to read soup's answers. He always seemed more interesting then the rest of Nick's friends (no offense to any of them). I can't believe that the kid who got beat up all the time is going to be the leader of teh revolution.

56. Last person you went to dinner with?
well, some of us ate last night (either at the bar, or at whitecastle afterwards). but if the definition is actually oging to dinner, then that would be jessica.

57. What are you reading now?
Wow, 98% of the time, i wouldn't have an answer b/c i'm just incapable of reading books anymore. But, i have the calvin and hobbes full collection on my bed opened right now.

58. What are you listening to right now?
Oh man, this is so embarassing, but i actually had to put on something "unique" so i could answer this question truthfully. "Battles". I saw them open for Mission of Burma a couple of weeks ago, and i was blown away. It was by far the best opener i've ever seen (i may have liked the redwalls when they opened more, but battles has more of an "opening band" style to them, if that makes sense). I can also hear MSG over my shoulder. I had to put the knicks game on tonight to see the trainwreck.

59. What is your favorite color(s)?
Dark Purple. I'm obsessed. I think purple is unfairly labeled a chick's color. It's just like blue. Why is blue manly, but not purple?

60. Lake, Ocean or river?
This was a really good question. Lake. I think i'm going to steal this question and use it to springboard a whole conversation about life and philosophy.

61. How many tattoos do you have?
1. I really want a 2nd one. I know exactly what it's going to be and where it's going to go. I'm trying to hold out until i'm 30 though.

62. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Eggs. Definitely. Other species besides chickens lay eggs.

63. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
In terms of taste? a pale ale. In terms of getting the job done for concerts? red bull and vodka, made 50/50 in a sprite bottle and chugged on teh path. Yankee games? "reaper". You take a two liter bottle of sprite and empty it to one inch below the label. Fill with vodka, and then add some lemon juice. Heck, i should have just said vodka and been done with it.

64. What things do you collect?

65. family guy or the simpsons?
family guy, though both have slipped since their peak, the simpsons slip was a huge downward spiral.

66. Favorite TV/Movie star?
Jack Black.

67. What was your first pet?
Frog - Andy. From Aunt Diane.

68. What is/was your proudest moment(s)?
after heckling the blue jay bulpen for litterally teh entire game, they threw me a baseball out of mutual respect.

69. Do you bite your nails?
No, never.

70. What magazines to you subscribe to?
None, i hate magazines.

71. I never leave home without...
Cell phone, wallet, and keys.

72. What was your new year's resolution?
I don't believe in them. If you want to change your life, change it. Don't do it b/c of a calander.

73. What are you looking forward to in 2006?
Finally having teh YES network after years of suffering.

74. What was the last new word you learned?
Oh man, this is going to kill me. there was a word that i heard for the "first" time three times in two days. I thought it was so weird. I'll never remember it, but i remember shawn telling julia to not be so _____ on nip/tuck. or maybe it was the other way around.

75. What charities are you giving to this year?
I don't believe in giving to charities. I know that sounds cruel, but there's so much beuracracy and missue of funds for charities. When i finally decide what the best charity is, i'll give money then. I don't feel like i'm being selfish, b/c in theory i should be able to give more then, b/c i've been saving up.

he's still not as funny as his boy adam carolla  


lawyers and emails....when will they ever learn?  


- Dianna Abdala, a 24-year-old Boston-area attorney, had apparently agreed to work for William Korman.

Then things went sour in a series of last minute e-mails (see related story).

Following is their e-mail correspondence, obtained by ABC News' "Nightline," that degenerated into a spat that got e-mailed to various attorneys, publications and "Nightline."

-----Original Message-----
From: Dianna Abdala
Sent: Friday, February 03, 2006 9:23 PM
To: William A. Korman
Subject: Thank you

Dear Attorney Korman,

At this time, I am writing to inform you that I will not be accepting your offer.

After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the pay you are offering would neither fulfill me nor support the lifestyle I am living in light of the work I would be doing for you. I have decided instead to work for myself, and reap 100% of the benefits that I sow.

Thank you for the interviews.

Dianna L. Abdala, Esq.

-----Original Message-----
From: William A. Korman
To: Dianna Abdala
Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 12:15 PM
Subject: RE: Thank you

Dianna --

Given that you had two interviews, were offered and accepted the job (indeed, you had a definite start date), I am surprised that you chose an e-mail and a 9:30 PM voicemail message to convey this information to me. It smacks of immaturity and is quite unprofessional. Indeed, I did rely upon your acceptance by ordering stationary and business cards with your name, reformatting a computer and setting up both internal and external e-mails for you here at the office. While I do not quarrel with your reasoning, I am extremely disappointed in the way this played out. I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.

Will Korman

-----Original Message-----
From: Dianna Abdala
Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 4:01 PM
To: William A. Korman
Subject: Re: Thank you

A real lawyer would have put the contract into writing and not exercised any such reliance until he did so.

Again, thank you.

-----Original Message-----
From: William A. Korman
To: Dianna Abdala
Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 4:18 PM
Subject: RE: Thank you

Thank you for the refresher course on contracts. This is not a bar exam question. You need to realize that this is a very small legal community, especially the criminal defense bar. Do you really want to start pissing off more experienced lawyers at this early stage of your career?

-----Original Message-----
From: Dianna Abdala
To: William A. Korman
Sent: Monday, February 06, 2006 4:28 PM
Subject: Re: Thank you

bla bla bla

Christine Todd Whitman  


This woman makes me sick. She was on the Colbert Report tonight, and i was hoping that at C would take her down a notch. I can't believe he let her slide. Is everyone aware of her role in risking the lives of americans in the days following 9-11? sadly, i wasn't until i saw the dvd about the 9-11 coverup. Here's a little paragraph from wiki, which matches what i've heard.

On May 20, 2003 she resigned her position, effective June 27 of that year. Some have questioned her role in the alleged coverup of the toxic chemicals in the air around Ground Zero after the September 11, 2001 terror attacks on New York City though the reason she gave was to spend time with her family. As for the September 11 environmental crisis, Whitman appeared twice in New York City after the attacks to inform New Yorkers that no threat was posed to their health by toxins released by the attacks, contrary to EPA's own conclusions. It is later shown that the EPA knew that the levels of asbestos, dioxins, PCBs , and heavy metals released by the destruction of the World Trade Center were at horrendously high levels, but Whitman refused to release the information at the behest of the White House.

[back to me]. The reason she said it was safe was to trick people into going back to work at wallstreet. Cleanup workers were NOT ALLOWED to wear masks, b/c it would instill fear in other people. I forget the numbers, but there are now large numbers of people suffering from severe illnesses b/c of her actions.

back to wiki:

On February 2, 2006, U.S. District Court Judge Deborah A. Batts issued a ruling rejecting Whitman's request for immunity in a 2004 class action lawsuit brought by a group who claimed exposure to hazardous debris from the collapse of the World Trade Center. The judge stated that "No reasonable person would have thought that telling thousands of people that it was safe to return to lower Manhattan, while knowing that such return could pose long-term health risks and other dire consequences, was conduct sanctioned by our laws," and called Whitman's actions "conscience-shocking." [1]

[back to me]

She sickens me on so many levels. when she said she was for the enviroment, my stomach churned. And i didn't even know this tidbit from wiki:

As head of the EPA, she made headlines for disavowing (with the President) the validity of a government-commissioned report suggesting a human contribution to global warming. It is later proven that Whitman cooperated with White House efforts to edit and rewrite the report to remove all references to global warming, and to replace an National Academy of Sciences study proving the human component of global warming with results from an American Petroleum Institute study that challenged the very existence of global warming. The media is consistent in its portrayal of Whitman as a moderate, even liberal maverick constantly at odds with the others in the Bush administration. However, many observers see Whitman as being as corporate-friendly and as hostile to the environment as the rest of the administration; as Mike Casey of the Environmental Working Group says, Whitman was "an active part of the Presidential wrecking ball."

[me]. I wasn't going to include that 2nd part, but it nicely illustrates tuna's trademarked "liberal media". there's no way she's moderate. why, b/c she believes in abortion adn gay rights? that makes you human, not liberal (well, less so with abortion. i suppose i'm not that enraged by pro choice people per se).

I hate this woman.