John Paxson defies the odds  


There are roughly 120 GM spots for major sports franchises in North
America. There are roughly 300 million people in the United States.
Let's assume that only 120 million are the proper age to be a GM (I
realize that I'm being extremely conservative w/ this number, but it
makes the math nice and easy). That means there's one in a million
chance that John Paxson would possess the skills required to be
considered good enough to be a GM.

There were roughly 30 point guard spots for NBA franchises in the
90's. The were roughly 250 million people in the United States.
Let's assume that only 30 million were the proper age (and gender) to
be a point guard in the NBA (I realize that I'm being extremely
conservative w/ this number, but it makes the math nice and easy).
That means there's one in a million chance that John Paxson would
possess the skills required to be considered good enough to be a GM.

The skills required to be a GM are mutually exclusive from the skills required to be a point guard.

1/1,000,000 x 1/1,000,000 = 1 billion (i think).

John Paxson is the luckiest man in the world!

[that, or sports franchises are a good old boys club]

Albert Einstein, Richard Christy, and Me  


Richard was recently mocked on the Stern show (what else is new) because he compared himself to Albert Einstein. Einstein was known for having mismatched socks and only owning the same type of sweater. When pressed about it, he said that if thought about things like that, it would leave him with less time to think about other things. Richard related to that in that sometimes he forgets to shower because he's always thinking creatively about the show.

Now, even though I would never forget to shower (just the idea of that makes my skin crawl), I get what they are saying. I'm always lost inside my head thinking about things, and while the topics aren't on the level of E=MC^2 or a phony phone call, they are interesting to me. And I don't like the fact that I have to constantly break my thought process just to adhere to societal norms.

Three times a week, my neighbor is outside her house waiting for a bus that she organizes. She's an extremely nice woman. Unfortunately, on those days that she's out there, I have to stop what I'm thinking about and engage in the most mundane morning conversation with her. Weather related conversation. Yes, I know this is crazy weather. It's called global warming and it's going to be the end of humanity! can I get back to what I was thinking now?

I know I'm a "horrible person" for not wanting to talk to her, but I just wish I lived in a society where my ignoring her wouldn't be perceived as a slight. I wish I could just tell her "listen, I recognize your existence and I assume you are a good person. But I have things going on inside my head that are more important than idle chit chat and I'd like to get back to them". Then, two blocks down, I have to say hello to the woman who works at the laundry mat. She doesn't speak english, and I don't understand spanish, so it's just a smile, head nod, and mouthed "hello". but it's still annoying.

I get some serious thinking done on the train. It's a mini fortress of solitude (sometimes crowds make the best isolation....just ask Gatsby).

And then finally, I walk into work and have to go through a handful of good mornings and hellos. Communication should be left for things that are 1) informative, 2) entertaining, or, in certain circumstances 3) things that help the people involved "bond". Everything else is just empty filler that's preventing me from my very important work.

There was an article in Rolling Stone today that set of an explosion of ideas in my head. We'll see if I get the chance tomorrow morning to organize them in my head and make them coherent enough to share with someone else. I'm guessing not.

The Grey Ghost emailed me today. That in and of itself is a story. But it gets better. There was a sense of urgency in his email in that he said "quick, what's the best restaurant for...". i assumed he needed to know right that second, so I rushed to hit reply. A few minutes later he started asking questions about my selection. and we go back and forth a bit. then he's looking up the menu online. then he's telling me about alternatives. this whole exchange goes on for 20 minutes or so.

what was the rush?! he cc'd my home account too, so there was NO chance i wouldn't get it within those 20 minutes (unless i was inbetween work and home).

I know I'm being overly anal about a one line email starting with the word "Quick", but when you only hear from the grey ghost once a month, you need to absorb every detail.

David Deming's oh so convincing argument against global warming  


my comments are in bold-italics.

Article published Dec 19, 2007
Year of global cooling [according
to a presentation to the UN, 2007 is currently the 7th hottest of all
time, and will most likely finish in the top 11 of all time]

December 19, 2007 [this line was true at the time]

By David Deming - Al Gore [implied
ad hominen attack. It worked for any issue that Michael Moore brought
up, so they think they can use it for Al Gore too]
says global
warming is a planetary emergency. It is difficult to see how this can
be so when record low temperatures are being set all over the world. [unless
you understand a concept studied in basic algebra called "average" or
"mean". Individual data points are irrelevant when you look at the
big picture of what the planet is doing. See, that's why that
reckless cowboy Al Gore calls it a PLANETARY emergency].
In 2007, hundreds of people died [dang Jethro, that's a big many people are in the world again?], not from global warming [do
you have data of people who died of heat exhaustion, lack of water, or
any other issues related to increased temperatures? No? why not?]
, but from cold weather hazards. [so heating the planet is a good idea because it will eliminate the handful of deaths from freezing?]

Since the mid-19th century, the mean global temperature has increased by 0.7 degrees Celsius [I'm
all about the metric system, but I have to imagine he only used it to
make the number look smaller. Fahrenheit would have probably
generated a number greater than one. also, shouldn't we be talking in
terms of percentages of temperature increase in an effort to
standardize the data?]
. This slight [please define "slight" as used in a scientific manner] warming is not unusual [define unusual], and lies well within the range of natural variation [please
site the scientific literature that supports this theory. Also, please
explain why you are focusing on what has happened in the past, when the
issue of global warming deals with what's going to happen in the future
if these trends are allowed to continue]
. Carbon dioxide continues to build in the atmosphere, but the mean planetary temperature hasn't increased significantly [define significantly] for nearly nine years [the hottest 11 years in the recorded history of the planet have occurred in the past 13 years]. Antarctica is getting colder [one small data point that doesn't negate that the planet, as a whole, is getting hotter]. Neither the intensity nor the frequency of hurricanes has increased. [Please provide proof of this] The 2007 season was the third-quietest since 1966. In 2006 not a single hurricane made landfall in the U.S. [I'm
not going to look up data on hurricanes, but I can spot several areas
where he's probably manipulating the data. First, the definition of
"hurricane season" is probably limited. I seem to remember concern
that hurricanes are now occurring out of the "traditional season".
That's the whole problem with global warming; the current patterns of
weather are changing. So 2007 was below average, but the only mention
of 2006 was that there were no hurricanes that hit US land. Hurricanes
might be increasing outside of the US, or even on the water that then
flow into the US, but as long as it doesn't touch US land,
then everything is alright. U-S-A! U-S-A! Btw, what was the hurricane
situation like in 2005, I can't remember. {sarcasm}]

South America this year experienced one of its coldest winters in decades. [I
should just cut and paste the line about "one small data point that
doesn't negate that the planet, as a whole, is getting hotter]
In Buenos Aires, snow fell for the first time since the year 1918. [And
this disproves global warming how? Unusual weather patterns is a BAD
thing. The crops that grow in Buenos Aires have evolved, er, I
mean "were designed by God" to exist in a climate that is traditional
for Buenos Aires. Change the climate, and the crops won't be able to
Dozens of homeless people died from exposure. [Dozens is slightly less impressive than hundreds, but Jethro is still impressed] In Peru, 200 people died from the cold and thousands more became infected with respiratory diseases
[Warmer weather is actually going to allow viruses to live longer.
Another pandemic is very likely to occur because of global warming]
. Crops failed, livestock perished, and the Peruvian government declared a state of emergency. [and...?]

Unexpected [Unexpected because our weather patterns are changing] bitter
cold swept the entire Southern Hemisphere in 2007. Johannesburg, South
Africa, had the first significant snowfall in 26 years. Australia
experienced the coldest June ever. In northeastern Australia, the city
of Townsville underwent the longest period of continuously cold weather
since 1941. In New Zealand, the weather turned so cold that vineyards
were endangered. [Remember jet streams? Think of big gusts of
wind that carry hot air from the equator and send it to the rest of the
planet. Those streams are changing patterns. So places that are used
to warm air might not get it anymore. Let's just say that jet streams
are VERY important]

Last January, $1.42 billion worth of California produce was lost [ok, now you have my attention. Products were lost? that's very Un-American] to a devastating five-day freeze. Thousands of agricultural employees were thrown out of work. [Wow, talk about pushing the capitalistic panic buttons] At
the supermarket, citrus prices soared. In the wake of the freeze,
California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger asked President Bush to issue a
disaster declaration for affected counties. A few months earlier, Mr.
Schwarzenegger had enthusiastically signed the California Global
Warming Solutions Act of 2006, a law designed to cool the climate.
California Sen. Barbara Boxer continues to push for similar legislation
in the U.S. Senate [Ah, so if you support those crazy
liberals, you will be unable to afford orange
juice. And you might just find yourself out of work. and if that
happens, the terrorists win]

In April, a killing
freeze destroyed 95 percent of South Carolina's peach crop, and 90
percent of North Carolina's apple harvest. At Charlotte, N.C., a record
low temperature of 21 degrees Fahrenheit on April 8 was the coldest
ever recorded for April, breaking a record set in 1923. On June 8,
Denver recorded a new low of 31 degrees Fahrenheit. Denver's
temperature records extend back to 1872. [Individual data points, which could be random, or could be the result of changing jet streams]

Recent weeks have seen the return of unusually cold conditions to the Northern Hemisphere. [You had me at "recent weeks"] On
Dec. 7, St. Cloud, Minn., set a new record low of minus 15 degrees
Fahrenheit. On the same date, record low temperatures were also
recorded in Pennsylvania and Ohio.

Extreme cold weather is occurring worldwide [except
when you add up all of these data points and then divide by the number
of data points. When you do that, the AVERAGE is actually high.
Really high.]
. On Dec. 4, in Seoul, Korea, the temperature
was a record minus 5 degrees Celsius. Nov. 24, in Meacham, Ore., the
minimum temperature was 12 degrees Fahrenheit colder than the previous
record low set in 1952. The Canadian government warns that this winter
is likely to be the coldest in 15 years.

Oklahoma, Kansas and
Missouri are just emerging from a destructive ice storm that left at
least 36 people dead and a million without electric power. People
worldwide are being reminded of what used to be common sense: Cold
temperatures are inimical to human welfare and warm weather is
beneficial [Because humans are the only living thing on Earth.
Sure, humans might not be able to produce food if global warming
continues, but that just means they'll look even better in their
. Left in the dark and cold, Oklahomans rushed out to buy electric generators powered by gasoline, not solar cells [Because they are selfish and short sighted] . No one seemed particularly concerned about the welfare of polar bears, penguins or walruses. [excellent
use of "weird" animals to lessen the impact. The sentence wouldn't
have the same propaganda impact if you had used "fish, cows, and
Fossil fuels don't seem so awful when you're in the cold and dark. [see, you have two options. You can either care about global warming, or you can have electricity, but you can't have both.]

you think any of the preceding facts can falsify global warming, you're
hopelessly naive. Nothing creates cognitive dissonance in the mind of a
true believer. In 2005, a Canadian Greenpeace representative explained
“global warming can mean colder, it can mean drier, it can mean
wetter.” In other words [#1 way to spot the straw-man? see the words "in other words"], all weather variations are evidence for global warming [see? He turned one sentence into another just by saying "in other words". Brilliant!]. I can't make this stuff up. [YOU JUST DID!]

Global warming has long since passed from scientific hypothesis to the realm of pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo. [Oh, snap!]

Deming is a geophysicist, an adjunct scholar with the National Center
for Policy Analysis, and associate professor of Arts and Sciences at
the University of Oklahoma

[I've seen this argument
before. Typically, it will occur on a cold day in the middle of
winter. The person in question will shiver a bit, and then mumble
"Global warming? Yeah right!" Can't argue with that logic.]

Well it's clear you don't drag your knuckles because they're so damn hairy.

Um, Jesus was put to death on a Friday, and rose again from the dead three days later, on a Sunday. So I guess because I still have some sort of organized religious belief I am below you and have no counting ability.

I forgot, I'm dealing with a turkey-eating vegetarian who has nothing better to do while getting paid for doing nothing at work than take pot shots at family members.

This is coming from a guy who complains that I have cases of water in my house and I'm contributing to global warming, yet he's happy to partake in drinking several bottles while over. When I suggest drinking tap water, he simply replies "Well, I'm not an animal."

Oh, and what about the 12 packs of soda, or bottles and cans of beer which you stock your fridge with? That concerned about the environment, eh?

It must be wonderful to be you and live in your environmental, correct-counting bliss while everyone around you is nothing more than a knuckledragger.

I'm glad that my "ignorance" is still fodder for your blog.

Finally, a football player intelligently manages the clock  


I never thought I'd see the day. Westbrook intentionally went down at the 1 yard line instead of scoring, thereby allowing the eagles to run out the clock.

Of course, his coach overly praised him afterwards, as though it would be impossible for a running back to figure it out. {note, it was actually an offensive lineman who told him to do it}.

How Knuckledraggers measure time  


Let's say that there are two types of work: Type A and Type B. Type A is desirable, while Type B is annoying.

On Monday, in either the late morning or early afternoon, I get an email from a knuckledragger that says "I just got Type A work". On Monday night, after work is over, we discuss how bad Type B is, and he says "don't worry, I have three days of Type A work".

On Wednesday evening, after work, the same person says "you know, Type B isn't that bad, it makes the day go by quickly".

Confused, I say "I thought you said you had three days of Type A".

Arrogantly, he answers "yeah.....Today is wednesday. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday equals three days. Duh!"

Me: "But you said I have three days on Monday night."

Him: "Yeah, I was including the work I did on Monday"

Me: "But that's in the past. Have is a present tense"

Him: "What, are you saying I should have stretched x amount of Type A into another day of work"?

Me: {internally, because there was no point in using these words to a knuckledragger}: Wow, what a strawman argument

Me: "Uh, by saying it makes the day go fast, that means you worked on it today"

Him: Yeah so......

Me: {puts headphones on}.

Point of the story: If you ever get into a conversation with a knuckledragger, make sure you realize that 1) have = past + present, 2) All of Tuesday plus slivers of Monday and Wednesday equals 3 days.

So, a soldier is coming home after a tour in Iraq, and he wants to surprise his kids. So he puts himself in a box and pops out in the middle of a class assembly (?). This is so exploitative both in an individual and general sense.

1) The actual kids are being exploited. Call me crazy, but I wouldn't want my emotional experiences as a child videotaped, broadcast on the news, or even performed in front of all my classmates as though I were a circus freak. The zoom in on the girl crying is just icing on the exploitative cake. That little girl is no longer an individual, but rather a symbolic and patriotic icon. How inappropriate.

2) The rest of the students are being exploited by being a part of this propaganda. Seriously, a school assembly just to make something "heart warming" that "supports the troops"? Only in Kentucky. Unfortunately, the Kentucky syndrome is spreading through the rest of this country. Only the east coast and California seem un-infected at this point....but we are barely holding on.

3) The father is exploiting himself and doing a disservice to the rest of the troops. This video will give viewers that warm fuzzy feeling when they watch it. They shouldn't have that warm fuzzy feeling.....because there are still a ridiculous number of soldiers still out there. This helps us forget about them, and the ones that died, and the 10's and 10's of thousands of Iraqi civilians who have died already. There shouldn't be a "feel good story of the year" in one of the more tragic situations in American history.

American Zeppelin  


Move over "Grey Album", this is the definitive Jay-Z mash-up.

Jay-Z's "American Gangster" meets Led Zeppelin

my own "Knicks in 60"  


So i'm this close to starting to get back into watching the Knicks. And last night, I think I perfected the art of watching a Knicks game in 2007/2008.

Watch the pregame. It's amusing to see the announcers put a positive spin on what's been going on in the past week or so and how they speak positively at the chances of this game. Then, when the game starts, go watch something on your DVR. Come back in in the early third quarter. This will be right around the time where the 10 point deficit balloons into 17. Sure, you will have missed the fans booing at halftime, but you'll get the most important boos of the night....the rage filled boos. mmmm, delicious.

Stick around for the rest of the third quarter and the early fourth. This is when the announcers will start to admit that things are not right with the Knicks. In the middle of fourth, keep the game on in the background, but do something else. Me? I like to wash dishes. I just don't have the stomach to watch mid-fourth-quarter timeouts where Isiah has NOTHING to say to the team. He's calling those time outs out of obligation. Last night I made the mistake of glancing over at the TV and he was actually doing that awkward "swing my arms from side to side and then clap in the front b/c my back is getting stiff waiting for this bus."

Now, when the game is right about to end, pull up a seat and get comfortable. You'll hear comments such as "lowest point in Knicks' franchise history" "loudest boos of the season" and the like. The announcers have to kick it to the sideline guys who kick it to the studio guy and each time the transitions are so deliciously awkward. "let's send it back to that WWF guy for HIGHLIGHTS". Highlights?

Now, for la creme de la creme....Isiah's post game interview.

I don't know if they always did this, but I particularly enjoy the little text underneath his face that says "Isiah Thomas' post game interview following the 105-77 loss to Philadelphia". Kind of drives the point home.

First question: blah blah blah What do the Knicks need to do differently?

There's clearly only one answer to this....and it's not Zeke's "well, we need to move the ball better, and we need to make sharper cuts off of screens". What?!?!? How about TRYING. If the players TRIED, that might make them better. The only honest answer would be this:

"Listen, first of all, we would need to construct a competitive roster. But that ship has sailed. However, we could probably achieve mediocrity if the players started to try. Because it's 100% impossible to win a game if you aren't trying. Of course, the caveat to that is that I can't make the players try. The reason they are not trying is because they don't respect me. Any efforts to right this ship are futile, because I have lost the players' respect. Can you believe Dolan isn't firing me?"

I don't understand how Isiah can get through a practice anymore. Can you imagine trying to work on little things like a new play, or free throw shooting when you KNOW the players aren't going to try during the actual game. I bet Isiah has to be all humble when asks Marbury to do something in practice.

"um, excuse me, Mr. Marbury..."
"what do you want, punk?"
"um, I was just wondering, if maybe, um, it could be possible for you to stand over here so we can try to run this play".
"hahaha....Yo, Randolph, get a load of this guy. He just asked me to do something. Hahah, what a fool".

In other words, I have to assume Knick practices are like the scenes in those cliched "inner city public school" movies where the new teacher doesn't have the respect of the room yet. Of course, in the Knicks' case, there is no 2nd or 3rd act where the teacher wins the class over by "caring" and "relating". Isiah Thomas is no Michelle Pheiffer.

Wow, that went off on a pointless side tangent.

a walk down memory lane w/ Cowherd  


So a coworker *gasp* actually listens to that blowhard Colin Cowherd. It reminded me of this chat I had with him a couple of years ago. Looks like I had "help" from two other friends posting questions....I seem to remember the Buffalo reference being an inside joke about a wing eating contest. The bolded questions came from either two of my friends, or myself. I'm particularly proud of the Ross question and the one from the Clock.

Moderator: Hello everyone .. Colin is wrapping up the show and will be joining the chat room at approximately 1:10 p.m. ET ... keep sending your questions!

Colin Cowherd: Wow! I'm surrounded by computer hackers! It's a dream come true! Anyway, fire away! Good to be here.

Micromick, portland: Colin, are you going to lean on your buddy Phil Knight for a bunch of old shoes to give away as prizes?

Colin Cowherd: Believe me, the calls have already been made!

Elaine (San Diego): Why does larry bowa have a job? What am i missing? The players hate him and the team is underachieving.

Colin Cowherd: Give him a little more time. Remember the Yankees are struggling too right now and Joe Torre could be the best manager in baseball right now.

Tom (jefferson, nj): How has the internet affected your job, and sports generally? It seems like sports programs have to be "more" than just recapping scores since that information is easily available via the net.

Colin Cowherd: Makes it easier AND tougher. More access and more responsibility. I love the internet and any rumors about me and low-grade porn sites are strictly that!

Dennis (Newark): There seems to be a trend in sports reporting (Sportscenter, talk radio, PTI, etc) to be a "personality" first, and be a reporter second. Have sports become a forum for medicore comedians, and if so, what can be done to stop it?

Colin Cowherd: It's real simple ... most people have broader lives than sitting around studying box scores. The more people you can reach, the more revenue you produce for a company. If you want hard core sports, there are plenty of places to find it on the internet. Never make the fatal mistake to think everybody thinks just like you. Those personalities you rip, have five times the ratings of the Xs and Os guys.

Derek (Corvallis): Will the industry-wide work stoppage in the porn industry have an effect on Mike Bellotti's moustache?

Colin Cowherd: I knew a beaver fan would show up on this site! Good luck vs. LSU! I'll be there.

Adam U. (Portland, OR): So what's the talking Patrick really like? And don't start kissing ass here.

Colin Cowherd: Actually, everybody has been great to me. My show has a different vibe than all the other shows on ESPN. But that's why they hired me. As for Dibble, he's a dangerous man. And I'll leave it at that.

Larry (Bronx): Do you have any listeners who are NOT in Portland?

Colin Cowherd: Frankly the response has been overwhelming. 99 percent of our listeners are NOT from Portland. Remember, we are not on in Philly, NY or Boston. We are in LA, San Diego and 260 other markets. The response from the audience has even surprised management. Best wishes.

Dennis (Newark): Follow up: So, ratings are the most important thing? Doesn't it say something when hardcore sports fans have no interest in watching sportscenter? ESPN has become the next MTV. It's just a matter of time before Stuart Scott joins the cast of Real World.

Colin Cowherd: Your opinion is clearly contradictory to the ratings I'm looking at. Ratings are the truth serum and they are up 11 percent at ESPN on SportsCenter. Again, don't fall for the mistake unsuccessful people often make .. thinking everybody thinks just like them.

Tony (Washington): how are your show ratings?

Colin Cowherd: They don't come out for months.

Shane Breidenstein (Reading, PA): What advice do you have for someone who is in college and interested in working in the field of sportsbroadcasting and sports talk radion?

Colin Cowherd: Don't be a sports nerd. Read about a lot of different things. This network is looking for smart people, not just sports junkies. TV and radio research indicates that the more interest people have beyond sports, the higher the income. Guess what? ESPN wants those guys as listeners and viewers.

PJ (Parcipany NJ): Do you get a chance to listen to any of your peers? Mike and the Madog recently had Michael Lewis (author of moneyball) on and were very disrespectul to him. Keep up the good work.

Colin Cowherd: I don't have the opportunity to listen to anybody. Too busy working on my show. Frankly, listening to other people can be disruptive to your own style. I don't listen to any other talk radio.

Charmc (Daphne, AL): What do you think of Mike Price? The local sports radio station celebrated the one year anniversary of him being caught at a strip club, by broadcasting from a local strip club.

Colin Cowherd: Mike Price won at Washington State. Enough said. The guy can coach.

Lin, Tampa: Like your segement "Expand the Globe". I have one question, how is your work day like? (ie. how many newspaer do you read everyday to prepare the show?)

Colin Cowherd: I have two producers who bring me nothing but material to read all day. Fortunately, I love reading.

Brian NYC: How many games do you think Denver can win against the T-Wolves?

Colin Cowherd: One, the T-Wolves are better defensively.

Dennis (Newark): Last question, i swear... I'm not denying that more PEOPLE are watching espn. But, the came can be said about reality shows. I'm asking if "quality" is even an issue any more in programming or if ALL the network cares about is the bottom line.

Colin Cowherd: Again, your definition of quality may not be somebody else's.

pat park city utah: why do they call thre yankees boston the greatest rivalry in sports when it is 26-0?

Colin Cowherd: Great question! Maybe because of the heightened drama of all those Red Sox losses. I love Park City, by the way.

Maria (Norwood): What do you think of fantasy sports in general? I hate them, my boyfriend loves them, I may dump him because of it.

Colin Cowherd: I have lots of fantasies. Tracy McGrady isn't in any of them. I'm a gambler. I like gamblers. They pick up the check. Fantasy guys argue over the tip.

Louis (Kent): What is with the Mariners this year?

Colin Cowherd: Not enough punch in the lineup. And an owner not willing to buy any. Great fans, great stadium, great city, and really really cheap owners.

Andy (Sherwood): Are you still tweaking the tech nerds on anonymous message boards?

Colin Cowherd: Inside joke. Yes, I am. Thanks for listening.

Thor, Auburn: Follow up question. I'm not a sports nerd, i follow all current events. BUT my degree is in history, nothing to do with radio. What advice do you give guys like me who want to get into radio?

Colin Cowherd: Call radio stations and ask for an interview. If they find your bright and interesting, that may get your foot in the door. Good luck to you.

Jeff (Reading PA): When will u be fired? please say soon!

Colin Cowherd: I have a long term deal. Most of it guaranteed. I guess that means no, by the way, that phone rining is your mother. She's asking you to move out of the basement.

Tyler (Reno): What do you make of the NL West this year? Do you think the Giants can repeat, provided everyone stays healthy?

Colin Cowherd: Not a great division. Like the Padres youth, their bullpen could be a liability.

Josh (Portland, OR): What should the Blazers do in the off season so that they'll be able to compete for home court in the playoffs next year, after ending their 21-year playoff streak?

Colin Cowherd: New coach and a new PG.

MicroMick, Portland: Chad insults midgets, fat people and gamblers... If he is the moral compass for your show, isn't it likely that the whole ship is listing a bit?

Colin Cowherd: What up Mick! Love your stuff! You are as warped as usual! Keep it coming! Thanks man.

Brian NYC: Haven't been able to catch your show yet but do you talk about sports during it at all? Judging by this chat - not so much.

Colin Cowherd: Talk sports all the time .. but try to broaden discussions so that we can broaden the audience. Have a great weekend.

DG (Clayton): Could you take the clothespin off RyDawg's nose?

Colin Cowherd: They guy has so many nose rings you could hang a shower curtain on them.

Andrea (Trenton): Tracy McGrady was recently referred to as a "robin" and not a "batman" by the daily quickie. Call me crazy, but Tracy is a top 5 player in the nba. Does he really need a shaq-type teamate to win?

Colin Cowherd: Yes. Jordan didn't win without Pippen. And Shaq didn't win without Kobe.

Ross (England): You have a great show, but it can be even better. You should be wackier. Maybe some prank phone calls or something. Also, you should talk louder (read: scream). People will think you know what you are talking about then.

Colin Cowherd: Damn! England! We really are making an impact!

MicroMick, Portland: Did you find Marvyn's house of man bracelets?

Colin Cowherd: Yes. Keeps most of his best stuff in the attic.

JON Manteca, CA: Why do you think Warren Sapp made the move to Oakland from Tampa Bay? What's the main reason it happened?

Colin Cowherd: Warren Sapp's a great player but wasn't worth the money. I think he will be a better fit where he is at.

Chicago, IL: Hi Colin. I'm a big fan of ESPN radio and have enjoyed your show since you came on to the national spotlight. My question is, why do you continually repeat segments throughout the day? For those of us that listen for the full three hours, its kind of boring listening to repeat clips over and over. You must have more material to go over in one day than repeat information from the previous day or earlier in the day segments. Thanks for reading my question! Keep up the great work and keep it real! Ashish (pronounce Ahh-sheesh)

Colin Cowherd: Because the average listener on any national show only listens for 20-25 minutes.

Colin Cowherd: We do it just like FM stations. Replay the hits. We have to cater to the 90 percent who listen for 20 minutes and not the 10 percent who listen all day.

Gary - Show Low, AZ: The Show not bad. However, I wish you would stay on a certain topic longer then you do. Example - (You were talking about Kobe Bryant) I was getting real interested, and then all of a sudden, you went on to another story, just at a drop of a hat. (Not Good) in my opinion. I bet a lot of other people get annoyed at how you change storys so fast too!

Colin Cowherd: Remember, my show is on in the morning in the West. I have to touch on a lot of different subjects. That's what the research says.

Steve, Knoxville, TN: What has been the biggest adjustment going from KFXX to ESPN?

Colin Cowherd: Different studio and working with different people. But radio is radio. Not that much different.

DG (Clayton): Colin, you're like the Billy Beane of radio...

Colin Cowherd: I have no idea what that means.

Eddie (Cleveland): You seem to have a better understanding of the industry as a whole than almost any other personality. Why do you think that is?

Colin Cowherd: It's a business. Plain and simple. A damn fun business.

Colin Cowherd: One thing people fail to understand, it's GOOD to have some hate mail. It's NOT good to have everyone like you. Because it means your opinions aren't strong enough.

Chris (San Diego): How does it feel for you to have taken over for Tony Kornheiser? I thought when I first started listening that nobody could do that. You've really pleasently surprised me. Thanks and keep it up.

Colin Cowherd: We have a different show than Tony. That's what ESPN wanted. Appreciate the comments.

Steve X (Manalapan): What's stopping MLB (or any sport) from cutting a deal with a network to get more games on tv? Why can't espn2 air a different game every night. Wouldn't everyone benefit?

Colin Cowherd: Interesting question. Keep your eye on the NFL Network. That may very well happen.

Rich, Milwaukee: They told me to give you a chance. And I am. And you're starting to grow on me. The takes you have that are based on business philosophy resonate with me, and I've never heard them in a sports context before. Do you have any business in your blood?

Colin Cowherd: Yes. I love business and am involved in some ventures outside of radio.

Neil Leesburg, VA: Does anyone else get annoyed that you replay segments from the show everyday? I am trying be be a loyal listener but this aspect of the show will force me to turn the dial. If this segment is so good, change the time you run it.

Colin Cowherd: Read what I said earlier. We play to the percentages.

Michael (Washington DC): Uh, I think your show is indecent and I'm going to fine you 1/2 million. And there's nothing you can do about it!

Colin Cowherd: Is this Michael Powell?

wilmington, NC: Colin, I just wanted to tell you how excellent your show is! I got so "fed-up" with "Mr. Tony's" show, I wouldn't listen to ESPN radio for 3 hours, until his show was over.. But I must say, your show is very good,, more info I hear everyday on your show,, more than Dan Patrick, or any other show on now...Thanks, One question: Why do broadcasters boycott Hockey? NO-ONE! Talks about tha NHL Playoffs, not even mention the scores,, I mean, these are games on ESPN, and ESPN2 ALL NITE!,, and no promotion, story plots, or lines,, nothing from any radio shows?? Is it that bad, I mean, I'm a big hockey fan, and enjoy watching it, but sometimes I think I'm tha only one in tha US watching these games on ESPN..if it's that bad, why don't ESPN just drop it altogather, and NEVER talk about it at all... They basically do that now?? thx

Colin Cowherd: I have my style and Tony has his. But I never try to copy anybody. Some like me and some don't. It's been that way for 14 years.

Thor, Auburn: Whos going to win the National CHampionship in Football next year? And don't give me any favorites i want somebody ranked below 12 in the preseason polls.

Colin Cowherd: Keep your eye on Cal .. great coach, best QB in the nation, if they can get through the first month, they could be tough. Also, Georgia and Purdue could surprise people.

PJ (Oxford): Don't you think that Japanese pitcher who did the gay porn has to be so gay even though he claims he's not. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Colin Cowherd: He's not gay but his boyfriend is.

Michael Powell (DC): How dare you call me out! That's it, i'm doubling the fine.

Colin Cowherd: Sorry, Mr. Powell. I promise I'll vote for George.

Jorge (Buffalo): Hey Colin, Should the Yanks move A-Rod to Shortstop and Jeter to Third? I know A-Rod has more range, but my cousin says Jeter has the intagibles that make him a better fit and SS, any thoughts?

Colin Cowherd: I think Jeter is there to stay. ARod has the kind of physical fram that makes 3B an easy transition. I still think ARod got too much publicity and people forget the Yankees gave away a pretty darn good 2B.

Del Columbia, SC: Nice to get a college footbal guy doing a daily show. With that being said, How do you feel about Lou Holtz being able to turn South Carolina into a winner??

Colin Cowherd: Lou Holtz could be the best gameday coach in college football. He doesn't get mention much because he's not at a powerhouse. But give him a couple weeks of preperation and Lou is a nightmare to face.

Brett: C'mon people are the most honest when their drunk

Colin Cowherd: I always felt Haray Caray was baseball's most honest announcer.

Josh (Portland, OR): Besides the obvious, such as climate, what do you miss most about leaving the west coast? And what is a pleasant surprise in the East, other than large volumes of bread...

Colin Cowherd: Connecticut is beautiful when the sun is out. Much like Portland. I love the West but I felt living in the East would make me a better broadcaster because it would broaden my horizons.

William (Salem): What do you think of the FCC cracking down on radio speech?

Colin Cowherd: Not a big fan of it. Turn the dial if you don't like it.


Colin Cowherd: Good to see my brother is keeping track of me.

Rob Neyer (Portland, OR): Stop stealing my fan base!

Colin Cowherd: If this is the real Rob, love your stuff.

Chris (San Diego): Some people said that the Diamondbacks would win the West this year. I know it's early in the season, but honestly, do you believe that will Curt Schilling gone and all those players they traded to get Richie Sexson gone, that they have a true shot?

Colin Cowherd: Don't think the DBacks have enough aces in their deck.

Mike Reston, VA: Colin- Show sounds great.... I have to be a homer and challenge you on your blanket statement about highering from w/ in. The "Fridge" at Maryland has been the best thing since hiring Gary Williams... hey wait a minute...where did Gary go to school?

Colin Cowherd: We are both right. It's a personal perference. I just don't like schools that choose inside candidates BECAUSE they are inside candidates.

Kyle, Blacksburg: What is the name of that book where the students take over Vegas, it sounds interesting, I'd like to read it

Colin Cowherd: It's written by a guy named Ben M. Go to Google, punch in 'Vegas gambling' and 'MIT' and see what comes up.

Maria (Caldwell): I've won the NCAA pool 3 years in a row. Why do guys get pissed when a girl wins?

Colin Cowherd: We're guys. We get pissed all day.

Clock: 15:01: Uh, your time is up.

Colin Cowherd: That's my favorite post yet!

Aloha, Oregon: Do you think the Pac-10 will finally get some love this season? I see a potential of 5 programs being in the top 25 this season. I also think my Cougs will continue on their path towards becoming a perinnial power in the Pac.

Colin Cowherd: USC No. 1, Cal and Oregon battle for No. 2, Washington State and Oregon State will be better than expected.

Pete (Quahog, RI): Who do you like tonight, Boston or the Yankees?

Colin Cowherd: I just like the fact they are playing. This series doesn't mean much other than for entertainment value.

Colin's Mom: Time to give me a back rub hunny!

Colin Cowherd: Ick!

Ross (England): are you concerned by the trend of having sports jerseys having advertisements on them? How many nike swooshes are needed on a catchers chest pad before we say enough is enough!

Colin Cowherd: Advertising doesn't bother me. I would put a Boston Market tatoo on my butt if they paid me $1 million a year.

jAY NEWINGTON,CT: Nice show so far. i might not agree with you on allthings but you at least seem to have honest well-thiugt opinions

Colin Cowherd: Appreciate it.

Brian (Memphis): Great show. Love the coverage from around the nation. Daily football fix is great. Please give some good karma to my Grizzlies.

Colin Cowherd: Tough first round matchup. Love Battier. He's a warrior.

Guy (Nantucket): Vazquez (-145) or Wakefield (+125)?

Colin Cowherd: Don't you know I think gambling is pure evil? Go study!

Rich from Tampa, Florida: Did you ever meet the late Chris Thomas, the WFLA sports anchor from Tampa, FL? If so, any thoughts on the man?

Colin Cowherd: Chris Thomas had more of an impact on me than any TV sportscaster I ever watched.

Mychaela (Madison, WI): Hey, Colin! I wanted to know if you're ticklish and if so, what spots?

Colin Cowherd: I'll be in Madison soon!

Tattoo Artist: Bend over.

Colin Cowherd: Your mom is on line 4.

Tracy - Cedar Rapids, IA: One simple question, why no Hockey?

Colin Cowherd: It gets a 0.6. I love the sport but it's bad radio. It's great in person.

Larry (LA): Are you my caucasian?

Colin Cowherd: I'm somebody's.

Vince (Paterson): What's the deal with soccer? Why does it suck so bad and why do all foreigners love it so much? U.S.A!!U.S.A!!

Colin Cowherd: I love World Cup soccer. But indoor soccer is like human foosball.

bob, newberg, oregon: What aspects made living in Portland enjoyable for you?

Colin Cowherd: Great summers and falls. Great restaurants. Laid back lifestyle. Wonderful people.

Adam U. (Portland, OR): Um...did anyone, um... tell you um... you say um... too much?

Colin Cowherd: Uhm ... no.

DJ (Long Valley): My fantasy team has a rotation of: pedro, vaz, moose, and santana. Are you jealous?

Colin Cowherd: Mine is Elle McPherson and Liz Hurley.

Gotta run. Thanks for the questions!

No, John. It wouldn't.  


on 4th and three, some genius on the Eagles got called for a penalty that gave the Pats a first down. I couldn't hear exactly what the ref said, but the words "neutral zone infraction" were used.

Madden: The neutral zone is the length of the football. So that means that, even before someone jumped offsides, that some part of his body was lined up in that zone.

wow. John could have used any of 4 things to figure out that that's not true.

1) the refs had a long huddle before they made the call. Clearly, there was something to discuss. John correctly said that one ref saw one thing, while the other saw something else. let's combine this with...

2) the replay showed that a defensive player jumped offsides, but before the ball was snapped, his offensive counterpart also moved.

3) John Madden has an ear piece that connects him to a whole slew of people inside the NBC studios. perhaps one of them could have mentioned the rule.

4) he could have just known the rule, like I do. I remember when this rule was added. It was about a decade ago!

For the record. If a defensive player flinches/jumps and by doing so goes into the neutral zone, and THEN the offensive player commits a false start, it's ruled a defensive penalty. By going into the neutral zone, it would be unfair for the offensive player to continue to not move. He's allowed to assume the play is starting. If the defender had jumped, but stayed on his side of the ball (i.e. NOT in the neutral zone), and the offensive player flinched, it would be a false start.

I know this. I don't watch football. John Madden should know this.

Three terrible attempts at advertising (Rock Band, Starz, Sirius)  


1) A commercial for the video game "rock band" that shows neither the unique game play nor the instruments that come with it. It's just the trailer/cut scene of the band on the van driving to their next gig. If you don't already know about the game, then you would have NO idea what it's about. And if you do already know about the game, then this commercial adds nothing. Here's how the commercial should have gone: starts with the video game version of the players on stage....pull back to the game play......pull back to a couple of kids jamming on guitars...pull back to a grandmother on drums. done and done.

2) some movie on starz: the "commercial" is of two guys. One guy names a famous person, and the second guy says "he's dead". Eventually they get to Steve Martin, and they argue as to whether or not he's dead. Then one guy mentions that he's currently in a movie with Tim Allen. "Tim Allen? He's dead too". So this commercial is attempting to get me to watch a movie that stars two guys who are so hot right now that it's undetermined whether or not they are still living?

3) Sirius - Things that used to be used to listen to music fall like a chain of dominoes. Cassettes, cds, jute boxes, lp players, ipods, etc etc. Then at the very very end, they show a stiletto and say that you'll forget how you used to listen (or something like that).

Here's how a sirius commercial should go: "We have 100 stations dedicated to COMMERCIAL FREE music. From genres as broad as "top 40 hits" to as narrow as a station dedicated exclusively to Bruce Spingsteen. You'll have the ability to record stations or songs at the click of a button. We have original programs such as HOWARD STERN and Martha Stewart, we have NFL FOOTBALL GAMES for every team. And oh yeah, you know how mp3 players let you store your music for on the go? We do that too."

Devin Hester put in a cheat code in the middle of a game!  


Hester was a good returner before the game today. The Broncos knew this. But after scoring two touch downs (one by punt, and one by regular kickoff), he must have gotten "better", b/c Denver decided to stop kicking to him. It's amazing how a player could actually get better DURING a game. I mean, that's the only logical reason for why a team would change strategy like that, right? It's weird that he was just "normal good" to start, and then "so good that we can't even kick to him good" after.

Never mind the fact that he also muffed TWO kicks in the game as well.

Another very timely post (October's proof that Red Sox Fans are hyporcrites  


They still feel comfortable calling A-Rod "Slap-Rod" even though Pedroia clearly attempted the same type of play in the ALCS. You know, I can't even blame Red Sox fans, as the entire country rags on A-Rod for his play.

Is it a smart play? No. Is it honorable? Probably not. But if anyone other than Arod does it, it goes virtually unnoticed. I mean, this story just writes itself, as Arod did it AGAINST BOSTON in the same round of the playoffs!! It's a "callback"!

Is this Font Better?  


This is a test to see if the font is different when I actually go to the "Edit Blog" page. Lazily, I type most of my posts in firefox's little icon that instantly pulls up a tab to type in my blog. But I really dislike the font that comes with it, and I can't figure out how to change it. This post is done old school. Let's see if it's noticeably different.

I emailed myself in September about Michael Kay  


Today's the day that I go through all my old emails that I have left as "unread" b/c I didn't have the time to fully digest them. They're a combination of rants from other people, and reminders i've emailed myself. The oldest one is from September (!). When I read this over (mind you, there was no "note to self" aspect w/ it, just the actual pasted quote), I couldn't tell what made me so angry. Let's see if you can guess:

Dear Mr. Kay,
I have long been an admirer of your commentary and the sense of humor you bring to the telecasts.

Having also listened to your radio program in the past, I recall that your initial take on the Randy Johnson trade to Arizona was far from favorable. You seemed to believe that because Johnson won 17 games with a 5.00 ERA, there was something magic about his ability to win. You seemed to think that his veteran ability to win games despite giving up oodles of runs was a talent no other pitcher could match. It seems from what we now know that a) Johnson wasn't exactly a clubhouse leader and his "veteran" presence certainly didn't do much to mentor other Yankees; and b) a young talented arm is more helpful to achieving playoff aspirations than having a grumpy, over-the-hill veteran soaking up innings.

You have certainly in recent weeks praised the Johnson trade, but in full candor to your listeners perhaps you should not give the impression that at the time of the trade you were gung ho in favor of it. In hindsight, the Yankees would have "won" the trade even if all they received was Russ Ohlendorf.

Anyway, keep up the good work.
Roger B. Calistro — New York, N.Y.

Dear Mr. Calistro,
I did not like the trade at first because I did not like giving up a 17-game winner. I also knew that he was not a leader or a favorite in the clubhouse, but the trade is now a good one because Johnson went down with a bad back. If he had not, the Yankees could have used those 17 wins and probably would not have gotten off to such a terrible start and might be in first place today. But in hindsight, and also learning afterward that he wanted no part of playing in New York, I think Brian Cashman pulled off a really good deal when he had absolutely no leverage.

Obviously, Kay believing that a pitcher actually has an ability to win 17 games in a vacuum is stupid, but not original. Have you gotten it yet? Kay specifically says that Johnson (and a portion of his 17 wins) would have been an asset when the Yankees were struggling EARLY IN THE SEASON. When Randy Johnson was traded, it was 100% certain that he would be starting the season on the DL!!!! Randy Johnson, even the 1999 version of him, could not have helped in April or May because he was physically unable to play!

Michael Kay evaluated the offseason trade of Randy Johnson, and saw a "17 game winner" but failed to notice "will start the season on the DL". And he gets paid money!

was THAT the worst episode of the Office of all time?  


Can I really be saying that? We've had Michael Scott "carbo load" right before a race by eating a big plate of pasta and then not drinking water; we've had Michael Scott knowingly and willingly drive into a lake b/c a GPS device told him to; we've had Michael and Dwight try to commit vandalism on a sister office; we've had a pizza boy kidnapped (side rant: when he wouldn't accept the coupon, that was michael's out to not accept the pizza that he didn't want anyway!); and we've had other things that i can't even remember b/c i've blacked them out.

But in this episode, the plot actually confused me b/c it made no sense.

Jan is suing for wrongful termination which is based in part on sexual harrassment. She worked in Corporate. Her boyfriend / manager of a branch would have NO knowledge of what was going on in Corporate. Things were added to the deposition that only existed for the benefit of a joke. jan/plaintiff was arguing that her performance evaluations of Michael got better once they started going out. Uh, that would be DEFENDANT'S argument, as she was allowing personal relationships to prevent her from doing her job. Michael's personal diary gets admitted into evidence and everyone gets a print out of it? Huh?

actually, i'm not finishing my thought. This show is terrible. TERRIBLE. such lazy writing.

Hmm, I don't think is the way Resident Evil IV was meant to be played.  


Ever since my Goldeneye days, I've had a reputation for being a wimp when it comes to FPS. I'm currently on a board in RE4 where it's really dark outside and I can't see anything. So instead of actually walking around and taking my chances, I'll wait until one of the zombies sees me and then run back to my hiding place. Since zombies walk really slow, i have to wait and wait and wait until they finally catch up to me, where i'm waiting to cherry pick them off.

It's very boring, but very effective.

2:03 left in the half....  


With 2 minutes and change left in the first half, the Giants had a 2nd and 17 deep in their own territory. They ran the ball, and with 2:03 seconds left the Cowboys had two options:

1) Let the clock run down to the 2 minute warning. It would then be 3rd and 20 with 2 minutes left and all 3 of their timeouts remaining.

2) Take a time out. It would then be 3rd and 20 with 2:03 left in the half and they would have 2 timeouts remaining.

CW says you go with option #2. "You try and squeeze in another play before the two minute warning." Huh? Why?

The only way the Giants are going to get a first down in a 3rd/20 situation is if they pass. But, teams don't pass late in those situations because you don't want to stop the clock for the other team (who will probably be getting the ball back anyway).

However, with only 3 seconds left before the two minute warning, there is no "danger" in stopping the clock for the Cowboys, because the clock IS going to be stopped AUTOMATICALLY. Even if a pass play were to take less than three seconds (unlikely), the clock would then be stopped on the next play, because of a change of possession.

So the Cowboys removed any risk for the Giants in terms of whether they should pass in that situation. So OF COURSE the Giants might as well take the chance. And what if they did get lucky and get a first down? Then it would be the Giants, not the Cowboys, who would be running the two minute drill.

Essentially then, the Cowboys would have used a timeout for the Giants benefit. That's why you wait until as long as possible before you decide whether to use your timeouts. With each play in a half, you gain more knowledge. You use the timeout after 3rd down instead of after 2nd down because it removes the chance that the offense gets a first down on 3rd down.

Why don't teams see this? Why did the Cowboys risk a Giants 1st down for a measly three seconds? Oh, because that's what the book says. And if you go against the book, you run the risk of being publicly shamed by the two yahoos in the booth (who, btw, questioned why the Giants would "risk" throwing a pass on third down...ha!)

And while I'm stewing over yet another example of poor time management, another CW hits me in the face. Teams are super-duper-scared to try and move the ball at the end of the half, when in fact it's the best time to spread the offense.

With 20 something seconds left, the Giants were going to run the ball out and go into the half down by 3. Yeah, why bother trying to score when there's a chance you can turn the ball over. Mind you, after a 15 yard taunting penalty (which in itself, is a sign that mankind is far from evolved), the Giants were near midfield and one play away from getting into field goal position.

Why do teams run out the clock at the end of the first half? Again, it's out of fear of being second guessed. If, by chance, a turnover DOES occur in that situation, and the other team scores, the coach will be blasted for the decision. And the goal in life isn't to make good decisions, it's to make popular decisions.

But think about it, the biggest risk for deep passing has been removed: field position is of no concern late in the half. A QB who KNOWS not to throw an INT, and doesn't have to worry about losing field position with a sack is still a very dangerous weapon. In some ways, he's even more dangerous because he can sit back a little longer waiting for the perfect play to present itself. And in a worst case scenario, you can still throw a hail mary / jump ball even if you can't reach the endzone. If your guy catches it at the 5, you call time out and kick a field goal. If the other team catches it and falls down, then they'll take a knee to end the half. As long as you set it up properly, and as long as your players are on board in terms of not taking unnecessary risks, there's NO reason to sit on the ball at the end of the half. Can you imagine a team in the middle of third quarter running out the clock b/c they are afraid to turn the ball over? Of course not, b/c professionals should be able to achieve the goal of "not turn the ball over" if they are really trying to accomplish JUST that.

Does uniform color have an impact on sports?  


The Giants are wearing red today for two reasons (according to chris berman).

1) For the college like atmosphere (they are asking fans to wear red too).

2) For the pyschological advantage of having Romo "see the rush coming".

Is it possible that a defense that has a Jersey that blends in with the field / surroundings might be better? If I'm looking downfield, I'll avoid red jerseys, but maybe a light green jersey doesn't catch my eye.


what did people used to say before "it is what it is"  


the saying really annoys me, but when I hear someone say it, I can't think of an equally efficient alternative. what else would fit?

World Series, Game 1  

Posted = 8 pm. = 8 pm.

fox sports = 8:23 pm.

actual first pitch = 8:37

Well, most of you already know about the Roger Clemens situation  


But since I can't ever tell this story again, b/c it kills me, here it goes for one last time.

After the perfect tailgate, we made our way into the stadium EARLY in order to catch Roger Clemens warming up in the bullpen. We also were able to sneak in a bag of those delicious Cheddar 'n BBQ Doritos so I was on top of the world.

Then, two guys slid into our row of bleachers, and were going to need to step over us. However, they suggested that we could just slide over into their seats. As we got up to slide, I started to talk to them and happened to mention *bam ball right in front of my face*

That's how quick it happened. I saw a ball in front of my face, i stuck my hand out, and it bounced out of my palm. Totally catchable. Mine to lose. And I lost it. The last ball that Roger Clemens will ever warm up with touched my hand and I dropped it. Did I not put a 2nd hand on it because I was holding the chips? Was I too distracted by those guys? Was I just too drunk? In my defense, the guy I went with didn't even put his hands up. But that didn't stop him from punching me for dropping the ball.

If I find out that ball is worth a lot of money, i'll be even more crushed.

Lazy Writing in "Stranger Than Fiction"  


I wasn't expecting Shakespeare when I watched this movie, but sometimes writers can be so insulting that I feel like they are pulling a joke on me. In STF, the main character starts to fall for a "rebel baker". I guess she's what Hollywood idiots think a "liberal" is....crazy tattoos, scatter brained, refusing to pay taxes, etc. Anyway, the main character asks her when she realized she wanted to be a baker and her answer was "college". That lead to this exchange:

Oh, what kind of college, cullinary?

No, actually, I went to Harvard Law.

Oh, I didn't know, I'm sorry... I

Don't worry, it's alright. Anyway, I barely got into law school, and then...

She then proceeds to tell this "touching" story about how she kept baking for her study groups and everyone loved the cookies and it made her happy to make other people happy, but her grades suffered.

Do you see the problem with this? Nobody would call Havard LAW "college". It's not a college. It's a lawschool. But if she didn't answer "college", he couldn't have confused it with a culinary school.

"when did you know you want to be a baker?"
"oh, in law school"
"hmm, interesting. Go on."

doesn't really have the same ring to it, does it? Plus, it also has to drive home the point that she was smart enough to do anything, but chose to be a baker. That's why the character has to apologize for assuming it was culinary school, as though that's something to be ashamed of. I mean, she wound up a baker! culinary school would be the ideal school to go to if that was your eventual goal.

and now that i think about it, since the original question was "when did you know?" the main character is an idiot for assuming college meant culinary school. If you go to culinary school, you probably ALREADY know that you want to be some type of chef.

Man, that one line of dialog really rubbed me the wrong way.

Captain Clutch, isn't.  


Average/On Base/Slugging
2007 ALDS .176/.176/.176 [0 runs, 1 rbi in 4 games]
2004 ALCS .200/.333/.233 [5 runs, 5 rbi in 7 games]
2003 ALCS .233/.281/.400 [3 runs, 2 rbi in 7 games]
2001 WS .148/.179/.259 [3 runs, 1 rbi in 7 games]
2001 ALCS .118/.200/.118 [0 runs, 2 rbi in 5 games]
2000 ALDS .211/.318/.211 [1 runs, 2 rbi in 5 games]
1998 ALCS .200/.259/.320 [3 runs, 2 rbi in 6 games]
1998 ALDS .111/.273/.111 [0 runs, 0 rbi in 3 games]
1996 WS .250/.400/.250 [5 runs, 1 rbi in 6 games]

I went to see Arcade Fire, and a KISS concert broke out  


I go to a concert for the music. Not for staged theatrics. If I cared about the latter, I would go see a Broadway show. It's sad that some people get suckered into gimmicky stunts when it comes to music.

Arcade Fire used to play in churches and other tiny venues. I knew Randall's Island wasn't going to be ideal location to catch them, but I had to see them live.

What a mistake. Pure speculation on my part, but it seemed like they were recording this performance for some type of DVD release. There was a bunch of glowing stuff and videos and whatnot that only distracted from the music. The two guys on the side (drummers?) threw a drum around the stage and tried to hit it. Lame. Then, during Rebellion, the same guy did this:

I'm no musical expert, but I think he wasn't in rhythm with the rest of the band.

So Dan Perry made a list of the top 10
"playoff/postseason" games ever.

ignore the fact that 50% of the top 10 falls within the last 21
years. Chalk that up to humans having weak minds and thinking what
they personally experience is more important/relevant. I just like
to draw attention to the fact that last night's game (which was what sparked
this article) wasn't even a playoff or postseason game. It's a
regular season game. A "play in" for you simpletons.

beef beef beef, beef baloney.  


Now that I'm addicted to finding deals, I came across an amazing one with Oberto's jerky and other meat products. 30 dollar cases for 5 bucks.

I was hoping that between myself, Poppa, and a third friend, we could spend 75 bucks to get the free shipping. That third friend wound up selling me out and buying 75 dollars worth on his own. I'd be upset, but he's going to be dead from beef consumption in 3 weeks, so I forgive him.

Anyway, Poppa got our shipment tonight. It's so heavy that we need to meet up before work so that I can help him carry some of it to our coworkers (who got in on the deal).

Pounds and pounds of dried beef!

it's 2 am on a friday night (saturday morning)  


and i can't sleep b/c i've scared myself by playing resident evil IV. is this as low as it gets?

An Arcade Fire by any other name....  


I've never seen a
band's name mislabeled as often as Arcade Fire's. For the record, it
is NOT The Arcade Fire. It's mislabeled everywhere, including on
Sirius Radio. That one hurt. Then again, I happened to go to
my inactive myspace page and saw that even I have it wrong in my
profile. But I'm going to go ahead and blame the other sources for
my own mistake.

Wii points and fan boys.  


How much
cooler would the wii be if it also gave you access to a vast catalog of
oldschool NES, SNES, and n64 games for free? There would be
little reason for Nintendo to not offer such things for free (or perhaps a
nominal cost) because there is no longer a market for these games.
However, Nintendo realizes that among their target market is a rogue group of
idiots called fan boys. They will buy anything that Nintendo has to
offer b/c it rulez! And being the cool kid on the block who can
play Ninja Gaiden on their wii is too tempting to pass up. So
they'll pay the 6 dollars (or whatever it is) to download a game that they
already have on the NES and on their computer emulator as well.
Just on that slim chance that they may want to spend a half hour playing it at
some point.

clearly doesn't respect this group of idiots, but why should they?
fanboys clearly don't respect themselves. Now, they may argue that
it's only 20 bucks, or whatever the cost is. But you can extend the
economists theory of "no such thing as a free lunch" to "there's
no such thing as only 20 bucks". Because if you've earmarked
that 20 bucks as expendable, the next step is to realize that there is a choice
in HOW you spend it. And wasting it on a game that you already own,
and will never play, is embarrassing. And while it's YOUR choice,
it still bothers me because it's affecting the market. The Virtual
Arcade (is that what nintendo is calling it?) is clearly something that should
be (near) free. And it would be, if certain people could exhibit a little

Michael Kay is SHOCKED that playoff teams don't play that well in September.  


I only half-listen
to kay, so the details are going to be off, but he was apparently going through
a bunch of "stats" that he found perplexing. One of them was that in
the past x years, the world series winners actually had a worse record in
September than they did vs. the rest of the regular season. In other
words, these teams were not "hot" going into October.

Ignoring the bigger
and more complex argument about whether momentum exists, let's focus on Kay's
confusion. Not only am I not surprised that this fact is true,
but rather, I would have assumed it. It's very rare that a team has
to fight until the last day (or week, even) to make the playoffs. And what
do they do when they've qualified for the postseason? That's right,
they start resting their stars.

Perhaps silence is more polite  


I once read of a professional tennis player who was known for his politeness and etiquette. A true gentleman's gentleman. There was an anecdote about how when he played, it was custom for a player to intentionally hit a ball out of bounds if he felt he was the recipient of a bad call in his favor. Sort of evening things up, if you will. People were always confused as to why this player didn't adhere to such a standard. They thought it was out of character for him to not be polite.

Finally, one day he was asked about it. His response was that it was actually impolite to make such a gesture because it drew attention to the ref's bad call.

I bring this up because I'm starting to wonder if polite chit-chat is actually impolite. There's a secretary/receptionist that I'm forced to pass about 3 times a week. She's on a floor and in a location where she clearly has to "greet" people many many times a day.

Conventional wisdom would say that it's impolite to just walk by her without acknowledging her existence. However, I imagine it would be quite tedious to go through the "good morning. how are you. I'm fine, thanks for asking" routine 30 times a day. The poor woman has to always look up from whatever work she is doing to put on the big fake smile. This woman doesn't care how we are doing, and I doubt she wants to share how she is doing. She's already aware of the weather that's outside, or how quickly the holidays are coming up, or that it's Monday, or almost Friday. Leave her alone already!

note: I still say hello to her and do the boring chit chat, but that's only because I'm a horribly selfish and inconsiderate person.

Michael Kay, meet Bobby Abreu  


Last night... Kay: "Well, there are a lot of ways the Yankees could go. Jeter could try to steal 2nd, Abreu could swing away, or, Bobby's a #3 hitter, so he's probably not a good bunter, but he could try to bunt here."

In Kay's defense, Bobby Abreu is a rookie who he has never seen play b/c Kay doesn't normally do Yankee games, but you would think that there would be some type of pregame notes that Kay could look through to see if Abreu is a good bunter. Unfortunately, he must not have gotten the pregame notes that say that Abreu is NOT a good bunter.

I was reverse-mugged this week on the Lightrail  


Fact: I feel very uncomfortable accepting gifts of any kind. Deep down, i "know" the gifter resents me on some level for accepting the gifts.

Fact: I feel socially awkward all the time, but particularly around crowds of people I don't know.

There's always a moment before I choose to help someone where I wonder if it's going to lead to an awkward situation if I wouldn't just be better keeping my head down and ignoring the person. But for whatever reason it seems like I'm always volunteering my services. So it should be of no surprise that when I overheard someone on the lightrail this week asking directions about NYC, I reluctantly went over to contribute my insignificant sliver of knowledge.

As I took my headphones out of my ear, the woman who had shaken her head no to the questioner piped up "see, there's someone going to the city." Then simultaneously [wow, i spelled that word correctly on the first shot!] as I was asking "where do you need to go?" the questioner started handing me her Metro Card.

-- Here you go

-- Huh? I thought you were asking for directions

-- Oh no, i was offering her this metro card because I don't need it anymore.

--- oh, ok.

--- but here, you take it, she says she doesn't need it. There's about 10 or so dollars on it.

--- Uh, sure [mine had run out, so this was actually going to save me some trouble as I had to meet up w/ friends later in the week up on the east side. so i started fumbling through my wallet to get a 10. mind you, i don't carry a bag anymore so i was holding my eye glass container, cell phone and headphones all in my hands]

--- No, just take it, I don't want money for it. I don't need it anymore.

--- No I can't accept that for free, here just take the money.

--- No, take it.

--- Please, take the money.

[she puts the card in my hand. Now everyone is looking. Of course, I have to assume that everyone is staring at me thinking i'm the selfish person who ran up to her when i heard she was giving away a free card].

I thank her, but now I feel so uncomfortably awkward. We still have three more stops and I don't know how many times I'm supposed to thank her. At some point, we have to go back to standing next to each other and not talk. I'm sweating from the awkwardness.

I'm never talking to anyone ever again.

The 2007 fantasy baseball rant.  


Even though this apparently had absolutely no affect on anyone's decision, I still think it was convincing. Where did I go wrong?

  1. I don’t think Clark and Team C have a secret
    agreement to make Clark’s team better.
  2. Nor do I think Clark acted
    with malice or thinks that he was doing anything wrong with his trades.


  1. I think Team C is very inexperienced at fantasy
    baseball, and thus more vulnerable to manipulation.
  2. I think Team C has shown great apathy towards the
    league throughout the season, evidenced by their lack of waiver wire
    pickups (despite having the worst lineup in the league AND having waiver
    wire priority throughout the entire season), ignoring trade offers,
    failing to fix their rosters numerous weeks, and generally “going dead”
    for weeks at a time.
  3. I think Clark has an unfair
    advantage being Team C’s mentor.
    This goes above and beyond the general advantage that the inner
    circle of Prudential employees has as compared to the outsiders of the
  4. Past evidence has shown that Clark
    acts with a “win at all costs” mentality.
  5. Clark is aware of Team C’s
    poor fantasy skills, and used it to his advantage to the detriment of the
    intregrity of the league.

For those of you voting against
collusion because you have the limited definition of “secret agreement between
two teams” (which again, I don’t think Clark and C had), here are some examples
of trades that wouldn’t fall under that definition, but should still be

Mets and Yankees are neck and neck for first
place. The Redsox, who are stuck in the
middle of the pack, offer the Yankees a ridiculous package because they dislike
the Mets. The Yankees accept the trade
offer, without any secret agreement.

B) Mets and Yankees are neck and neck for first
place. The Mets have stolen bases
completely locked up and are guaranteed a 10.
Yankees have a 9, while the last place team has a 8. Mets, in the last week of the season, waive
Reyes, knowing that the last place team will pick him up, and pass the Yankees
in SBs, thereby giving the Mets the championship.

C) Redsox can’t stand the rest of the gms,
decides to quit the league, and waives all their players in the first week of
the season. All of the bottom teams get
3 very good players each.

all seem obvious. Now here are two more
that are inching closer to what we have here.

I invite my younger cousin to join the league even though I know he is really shy
and won’t talk trades with people he doesn’t know. Furthermore, I know he’s a big Yankee fan AND
I know that given enough time and opportunity, I could talk him into any trade
and convince him it’s in my best interest.
I then go ahead and make three trades with him, all of which grossly
favor me. He thinks he’s helping his team, but he’s not (by the vast majority’s

The Yankees haven’t paid attention to their team all season, and seem content
with wallowing in last place. It’s only
after the Mets, who have direct access to the Yankees, tell them “hey, you
could help your team if you do this”, that the Yankees decided to act, in that
specific act, and only for that narrow window of time. Yankees then go back to not caring about
their team. So, for that small 1 hour
window, they’ve acted in their best interests (in their opinion), but their
inaction during the rest of the season is clearly not in their best interests.

We have three trades in one season
and all are very lopsided. The team
losing all three times is inexperienced and apathetic towards the league. The team winning in all three trades has a
history of being overly aggressive in his tactics to improve his team,
particularly with inexperienced/weaker GMs and/or GM’s that are not in the
inner circle of friends/coworkers.

Here are some anecdotal examples of
things that I have experienced while being in the league. I believe 2004 was my first season in this
league. I definitely felt that Clark (and
others, to a lesser degree) attempted to take advantage of me in my first
season (I guess thinking I didn’t know what I was doing). I tried to be as diplomatic as possible when
I received offers, but they were always extremely lopsided. On the day of my last Law
final, I was drunk at a bbq
when I received a phone call from Clark. I told him that I was in no condition to
discuss trades [Tommy, if you are in fact reading this, drinking is wrong. It’s no fun and only leads to problems], but
that did not end the conversation. He
continued to toss names around until I had to more forcefully tell him that I
had to go. It’s possible that I
remember that conversation more harshly than how it actually went down, but it
definitely gave me an uneasy feeling that this league didn’t attempt to make
“win-win” trades.

In 2005 we had agreed upon a trade
with Perlman for Jeter (pending his partner’s approval, which Perlman felt very
confident in obtaining). I believe this
was on a weekend. The next day,
expecting to see confirmation of the trade on the website, I instead see that
Perlman was trading Jeter to Clark. Perlman would later claim a combination of
his partner not liking Harden (even though they had attempted to trade for
Harden the entire season) and that Clark just happened
to come up with a better offer. Time and
time again, people outside of the inner circle get frozen out of trade
talks. It goes beyond the “well, it’s
convenient to discuss trades with someone who works down the hall from
me”. I think it may border on the
example way above about how one team roots for another to win. Every single season there has been at least
one or two instances where I will receive a couple of trade offers from
multiple GMs all for the same guy in the span of a day. It’s as though there is a group discussion
that takes places where they decide, “hey, that Dunn guy is pretty good, and I
bet dennis doesn’t value him as much as he should.” Of course I would have to be paranoid to believe
it’s a blunt as that, but something is definitely going on. It probably happened 5 times in the first
three years (and has happened to other Gms as well).

2006 was when my opinion of Clark
as a ruthless GM was solidified. Before
the draft, I traded 4 different slots with Perlman in order to get the 3rd
pick of the draft. The goal was to
draft Johan Santana. Now, even though
he’s clearly one of “our guys”, I don’t think it was 100% obvious to the rest
of the league that that’s why we were trading up (I’ve looked back at preseason
2006 draft rankings, and Johan was around 7.
There was no clear #3). Of
course, as a professional curtsey to Perlman (in order to help him better
prepare for his first two rounds), I told him who we’d be taking with the
pick. This is something I’ve always
tried to do with teams to my right because it’s nice to have an idea as to how
the first two rounds are going to go (In fact, I did just that for Mudville
this year, b/c they had the swing picks at 10/11).

When we get to the draft, Clark
immediately comes up to us and tells us we wasted our time trading up b/c he’s
taking Johan. (This week, I learned for
the first time that this was a “joke” according to Clark). Well, it was a cruel joke with no discernable
punch line if you ask me. He offers to
trade us our first two picks for his first two picks. My partner and I now spend the entire pre
draft time 1) trying to figure out if he’s bluffing, 2) reevaluating how the
first three rounds are going to go if we have to take Arod with the 3rd
pick, 3) feeling really shitty for wasting our other draft picks to trade up
and 4) general panic. The difference
between going with a pitcher and a hitter in the first round had such a trickle
down affect that our sheets and draftboard became completely chaotic. Since we already knew that Clark
had a reputation for inappropriate behavior, we decided to just assume he was
bluffing. He was of course. After I overheard him him bragging to
another GM during the lunch break about how he “almost was able to get us to
trade”, I knew that that would be my last season* [or so I thought]. Not only did another GM lie to us for the
sole purpose of trying to take advantage of us (for only one slot up in the 2nd
round!) but it seemed that other GMs had all discussed this beforehand. Again, the inner circle knew that Johan was
the guy we wanted, and this little ruge (or “joke” as clark
likes to defend it as) was a known tactic going into the draft. But, I will say this in Clark’s
defense...I don’t believe he thinks this type of behavior is wrong. Just like I believe him when he says that he
doesn’t think his trades with Team C are inappropriate.

Wow, what happened to my goal of
writing everything in short bullet points?

Anyway, I’m just surprised that
there have been several comments about how “good of a gm” clark
is for constantly throwing numerous trades out there and how these three trades
with team C were just clark being a good GM. Yes, there’s going to be trades where it
seems like one team got the better end of the deal. But in this case, these trades are grossly
lopsided, involved a grossly incompetent team (who has some degree of
protégé/mentor relationship with the other team), and are shifting the
competitive balance of the league. This
is a team in dead last trading over and over again with a team at the top of
the standings (of course they are at the top in part b/c of the trades they
have made with team C).

Victor Martinez is robbed away from
team C under the guise of an upgrade at 3rd (even though I think team C drafted Zimmerman before
Beltre anyway {and the trade occurred very early in the season, when it’s
really hard to ignore pre-draft expectations based on a small sample space of
games). Then, team C trades away Corey
Patterson (who now has 20 sbs) and FAILS TO EVEN PLAY THE GUY THEY TRADED
FOR. Now, without Patterson, they need
speed, so they trade away one of their last remaining quality players for
Johnny Damon.

Here’s a rare example of when there
almost is a duty to shop around a player.
I think we can all agree that Jones is more valuable to the league than Damon, but that in
C’s specific case, it’s possible that Damon might be more valuable. In this rare case, I think the team owes a
general duty to the league to give everyone a chance to get in on the
firesale. A trade of equal talent (or
close to equal talent) is fine, but Jones is being handed over at 50 cents on
the dollar to a team near the top of the league. It’s unfair to a team like Mo who’s actually
in contention. He should at least be
given a chance to get in on the auction.
It’s in team c’s best interest to get as much for jones as they can, and
it keeps the league at an even playing field.
If Mo knew he was available, I’m sure he would have tried to make an
offer, as would any of us. But again,
how are we to know that when team C goes a month without making a move?

Look again at the players who have
been traded between C and G. If there
was collusion (as in a secret hand shake), would the players involved look much
different? These trades are all so
lopsided that it effectively is that secret handshake. You just have to look a little harder because
it occurred three different times.

Finally, I’d like to address and
apologize the issue of the name calling.
I was really wrong for using words like retarded, and even collusion,
because they were done out anger and were mean spirited. I apologize to anyone and everyone that I
offended. It was the culmination of four
years of what I perceive to be questionable behavior and tactics. After already being on edge from insane ours
at work, I come home to see that yet another (!) lopsided trade has occurred
between G and C, and then after someone questions it jokingly (I caught that it
was tongue in cheek), I see G (Clark) pull the traditional “new comers league
mantra” of “stop whining”. Every time
there has been a disagreement in this league, you get a contingent of about 3
people who rattle off the “stop whining” “be quiet” and “it’s just a game, stop
taking it so seriously”. Over and over
and over again. And to be honest,
there’s no name can be worse to call someone (in my opinion) than a whiner. It’s degrading. It’s saying that because you are in the
minority, your voice is of no consequence.
It’s a bullying tactic and it occurs over and over again in this
league. If anyone else archives their
emails like I do, go back and look at some past arguments, and see who starts
in with the name calling first. What I
said was wrong, but it was done out of pure exhaustion by what goes on, and
what’s allowed to go on, in this league.

In terms of the “fun” of the
league, there are three main reasons why I play fantasy baseball. In no particular order, I like competition
(especially intellectual), it forces me to pay more attention to baseball, a
sport I love, and it gives me an excuse to bullshit more with my friends (95%
with my partner, and 5% for some of the guys I’ve met in this league). These trades this season have really cut
away at all three of those things.
There’s no sense of competition or satisfaction when teams become
superpowers by exploiting other teams.
It doesn’t feel right that a team who barely tries and is really bad has
such a huge impact on the rest of the league.
If I was in second, I would feel robbed and if was the team who won that
way, I would feel unfulfilled. I stand
by my statement that if I was offered Howard for Loney, I would reject it. It’s not winning in and of itself that is
satisfying, it’s how you get there.
There can be no satisfaction this season.

The rules state that collusion is
cause for expulsion. Of course,
collusion is never defined. My vote is
that all three trades between G and C are undone (not that hard since they
mainly involve the same position), team C is frozen for the rest of the year
(we waive the 50 dollar penalty for the inevitable last place finish), and team
G is allowed to continue to keep playing (with their original players).