A classic SNL skit (for all the wrong reasons)  


Last year's Jack Black (w/ "Lazy Sunday") xmas SNL show was re-aired this week. I'm a sucker for JB, so I left it on. There was a skit (and yes, i know the word "skit" is offensive to "sketch comedy" writers, and that's exactly why I'm using it) that centered around a family sitting at a pizza place next to the door.

Ok, here's the joke: it's windy and cold, and when the door opens, the wind blows. Get it? You sure you don't need me to repeat it 6 times? B/c SNL didn't trust their audience to get it right away, so they had to keep running the same joke until they got to the punchline.

Sadly, this is what I think happened in the writing meeting. Someone came up with the idea, which is moderately clever (or, at the very least, has a "yeah, I can relate to that, it's cold when you sit by the door) and probably even had the climax (the wind blows so hard that the old grandmother gets blown in the air and then comes crashing down) thought out. But, that's a 30 second skit, not a 3 minute one. So they had to add filler. And the filler is what ruined the bit.

Door opens once to set up the bit.

Door opens a second time with nothing funny added.

JB tries to switch seats, but gets outraced to the open table by a homeless guy. completely irrelevant.

Door opens a third time, nothing funny added.

Pizza comes, but door opens a fourth time, and the pizza gets blown in the waiters face. This wasn't funny at all, but at least it was an attempt to add to the joke.

Door opens a 5th time, and the grandmother flies away, only to have a dummy come crashing down. Sort of funny, in a non funny kind of way. I mean, at least i could tell that was the punchline of the skit.

The middle part has to go. I don't care if SNL needs to have 100 writers on its staff and 50 sets ready to go in the studio. It HAS to stop stretching 1 joke skits into 3 minutes. It's too painful. Just plow through non stop small gags. Hit or miss, but then move on.

People really don't comprehend how a sit com works. On the E! true hollywood story of Friends, they were discussing how the actors fared after the show. The "experts" (btw, there's a side rant on how pathetic these people are for devoting their lives to knowing OTHER people's lives inside and out) kept going on and on about how funny the actors were on Friends, but how they weren't as funny on others shows. I don't have exact quotes, but it was clear that they weren't fully grasping the concept that the actors are just reading someone else's lines.

Sure, comedy requires a certain degree of innate timing, and perhaps there was some adlibbing or unique delivery going on. But in the end, you are only as funny as the writers behind you. Friends had decent writers. It's not Matt Leblanc's fault that Joey did not have the same writers. How is this a hard concept to understand?

Of course, I think I'm just bitter b/c they said Studio 60 wasn't that big a hit. That's a testament to the stupid american audience, NOT the quality of the show.

maybe the american version of the office IS realistic  


can't you picture michael doing "one bank"?


btw, average homeboy, and the asian seizure girl (on page 3) are also classics.

5 minutes of football takes 5 years off my life.  


I'm not much of a football watcher, but tonight i figured out that i can record two programs at once w/ my DVR, so i am recording the chiefs/chargers game alongside family guy. When I read that LT had a 84 yard td run, i figured it was worth watching. I'm so sorry I did.

The Chiefs partially blocked a punt, that wound up rolling forward. One of the KC players then haphazardly reached for the ball, but was unable to catch it (as it bounced around in the air). A Charger then fell on top of it.

Here were my initial thoughts: "Wow, I can't believe that player didn't realize that by touching the ball, he was making it live again and was risking the chance that SD could recover".

Al Michaels, who's been doing games for 20 years (I think), had this initial comment: "it doesn't matter that san diego fell on the ball....it will be Kansas City's possession."

After some initial confusion, the refs huddled up and then announced this: "The receiving team blocked the punt. However, they then touched the ball after it had crossed the line of scrimage. San diego recovered, and it will thus be 1st and 10 for San diego".

Simple enough, right? Wrong. Michaels: "hmm, it looks like they are reversing their call. It looks like San diego is getting the ball back, but..."

Madden jumps in: "I don't understand...I can't figure out how a team who blocks a punt could then lose posession. I guess what they are saying, what would have had to occur, is this: they are saying that KC obtained possession and then lost possession during the return."

Michaels, perhaps feeling the egg on his face: "well, the ref's initial comments were cut off, so we don't really know why they are ruling this way. and now Herm Edwards wants clarification on the rule. Hmm, whatever they are telling Herm, he seems satisfied with it".

[note: the refs innitial comments were NOT cut off.]

John Madden is a Hall of Fame coach who won a superbowl. he is the FACE of color commentary for the NFL. A legend. Al Michaels is one of the most respected announcers in the game. Also a legend.

me? Last week, i swore to myself that I was going to sit down and watch a football game, and wound up watching "finding neverland".....FOR A THIRD TIME! I can't be bothered with football at this point. The way it's presented is too low brow for me. "fans" have no idea what's going on. It's an excuse to eat chicken wings and crush beer cans on their head. And if they claim they are getting a richer experience out of the game, they are lying. Unless they are getting a different TV feed from the rest of us, b/c the camera doesn't even show the defense!!!!

Heck, the players don't even know the game. The KC player who lunged at the ball clearly had less than a 50% chance of actually grabbing the ball, as it was behind him. But he took that "chance" b/c he didn't understand that it was a chance. Either he thought that the ball was 100% live or 100% not-live. Go back to the horrible Giants game where the extra point was blocked and the giants players then let the other team run it in for 2 points b/c they were afraid to touch the ball.

And wasn't this the sort of thing that happened to leon lett on thanksgiving when the cowboys played the dolphins in the snow about a decade ago? How could this rule be a hidden mystery to so many people, when someone like me has heard about it before (multiple times!)

The ignorance that engulfs football is mind boggling. The game is reduced to a big cloud of dust as the offensive and defensive lines explode. That's all we can comprehend as average nfl fans. Everythign else eludes us. The concept of a ball being live after it is touched past the LOS is too complex.

I hate football.

oh, and i also hate that foxsports.com wouldn't show me how many tds LT threw for this season. Sure, i can understand how that wouldn't be a default stat when looking at a RB, but when i go all the way to "passing tds, complete leaders" of the AFC, and his name isn't listed (!), then you know something is wrong.

oh my god, is al michaels using len berman's "yeahbut" description of someone (or something) that is good, but not quite great. of course teams are going to have questions........the season is only 16 games.

this is from wiki under different ways to shoplift.

Milkshake subterfuge

A less common shoplifting technique used for smaller high-dollar items is the milkshake subterfuge. A milkshake is purchased by the shoplifter and taken into the store. The shoplifter proceeds to drop small heavy items like jewelry into the milkshake. On leaving the store their milkshake is unlikely to be searched. Shoplifters using this method must be wary of drinking too much of their milkshake or the items will be revealed in the bottom of their cup.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip  


On the slim chance that NBC runs some type of program that scans for posts about their shows, i need to pad the stats and state that this show is awesome. It's from the creator of sports night and west wing, so picture that type of show but w/ SNL as the backdrop instead of the whitehouse.

If and when NBC cancels this show, i'm going to be horribly upset. watch this show.

Superman Departs  


That's the movie that they should have made. Just because Superman has left us, the movie audiance, for over a decade doesn't mean that's what the plot had to be. There's no drama or conflict in him "coming back". That's inevitable, b/c you know, he's Superman(!) and he's a good guy and whatnot. The story is in him leaving. Leaving all the people that need him. Not being able to handle the pressure of constantly saving the world. Leaving Lois.

What the heck was the plot of this movie? Superman disapeared for awhile b/c he apparently had to go check out if Krypton still existed (at least that's what he told Lois). Then he decides to come back JUST as Lex Luthor (who hasn't been heard from in awhile) decides to create a new continent on top of North America. Why couldn't Lex build his new continent in the middle of the ocean and thus not destroy some of the most populous areas in the world. From a business standpoint, he's killing potential customers. Also, how are people supposed to live on these spikey rocks? that's not exactly a prime location. And if this kid is Supermans, how did lois find the time to meet a guy and get married between the time superman left and the time she started showing?

A "superman departs" movie would have had so much more conflict. The only decent scene was when he told Louis that he "hears everything" when they were up in the sky. That people are always asking for his help. Heck, the Incredibles had a more compelling plot. What happens when society takes for granted the person who dedicates his life to protect them. I want to see Superman struggle with some type of moral conflict. I want to see him try to balance a personal life with constantly saving the world.

This movie was just terrible. I can't imagine a less intersting concept than superman "returning" to save the world. If we NEEDED a happy ending b/c we are retarded americans, then just have him depart for the majority of the movie only to come back years later at the very end to save us from something. Honestly, some combination of the Incredibles and Lion King would have made for a great superman movie.