Fact: I feel very uncomfortable accepting gifts of any kind. Deep down, i "know" the gifter resents me on some level for accepting the gifts.

Fact: I feel socially awkward all the time, but particularly around crowds of people I don't know.

There's always a moment before I choose to help someone where I wonder if it's going to lead to an awkward situation if I wouldn't just be better keeping my head down and ignoring the person. But for whatever reason it seems like I'm always volunteering my services. So it should be of no surprise that when I overheard someone on the lightrail this week asking directions about NYC, I reluctantly went over to contribute my insignificant sliver of knowledge.

As I took my headphones out of my ear, the woman who had shaken her head no to the questioner piped up "see, there's someone going to the city." Then simultaneously [wow, i spelled that word correctly on the first shot!] as I was asking "where do you need to go?" the questioner started handing me her Metro Card.

-- Here you go

-- Huh? I thought you were asking for directions

-- Oh no, i was offering her this metro card because I don't need it anymore.

--- oh, ok.

--- but here, you take it, she says she doesn't need it. There's about 10 or so dollars on it.

--- Uh, sure [mine had run out, so this was actually going to save me some trouble as I had to meet up w/ friends later in the week up on the east side. so i started fumbling through my wallet to get a 10. mind you, i don't carry a bag anymore so i was holding my eye glass container, cell phone and headphones all in my hands]

--- No, just take it, I don't want money for it. I don't need it anymore.

--- No I can't accept that for free, here just take the money.

--- No, take it.

--- Please, take the money.

[she puts the card in my hand. Now everyone is looking. Of course, I have to assume that everyone is staring at me thinking i'm the selfish person who ran up to her when i heard she was giving away a free card].

I thank her, but now I feel so uncomfortably awkward. We still have three more stops and I don't know how many times I'm supposed to thank her. At some point, we have to go back to standing next to each other and not talk. I'm sweating from the awkwardness.

I'm never talking to anyone ever again.