"Anybody who knows me knows that I am no fan of dictionaries [statistics] or reference books. They're elitist for constantly telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen...

I don't trust books [stats]. They're all fact and no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation... We are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.

Consider Harriett Miers [Derek Jeter]. If you think about Harriett Miers [Derek Jeter], of course her nomination's absurd [he’s below average defensively]! But the President [Yankee fans] didn't say he thought about this selection [his defense], he [they] said this:

President Bush [Yankee fan]: "I know her heart." [“I know his intangibles”]

Notice that he didn't say anything about her brain [his range to the left]? He didn't have to. He feels the truth about Harriett Miers [Derek Jeter]. And what about Iraq [Zone Rating]? If you think about it, maybe there are a few missing pieces to the rationale for war [Gold Gloves that Jeter has won]. But doesn't taking Saddam out [praising Jeter] feel like the right thing...right here in the gut? Because that's where the truth comes from, ladies and gentlemen...the gut.

Did you know that you have more nerve endings in your stomach than in your head [there are more pop ups hit over a shortstops head than groundballs to their left]? Look it up. Now, somebody's gonna say `I did look that up and its wrong'. Well, Mister, that's because you looked it up in a book [verified it with statistics]. Next time, try looking it up in your gut. I did. And my gut tells me that's how our nervous system [defense] works.

Now I know some of you may not trust your gut...yet. But with my help you will. The "truthiness" is, anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news...at you."