The earlier post regarding train etiquette was shooting fish in a barrel. There’s another daily event where a CotU is in their full form: the food service industry. What’s interesting in this case is that there are three distinct, yet overlapping, types of a CotU that interact with each other in this area. And when they are at their peak, it really is a site to behold.

CotU #1: The Misogynistic Server

From personal experience, it seems like the majority of food servers (whether it be deli, cafeteria, etc) seem to be male. And the majority of those male servers are misogynistic. Actually, I’m not even sure if misogynistic is the proper term. It's not a hatred of women per se (at least not on a direct level), but rather being overly infatuated with them. A guy who hits on every attractive woman he encounters isn't actually attracted to any of them. In order to be attracted to a woman you have to first acknowledge that they are a person. The type of guy who hits on every single woman he meets is actually so extreme in his objectification that he’s able to merge all women merge into a single being.

But for ease, let’s just call that objectification as misogynistic and move on. I’m not sure if the food industry has a higher percentage of this type of guy, or if the industry just provides more opportunities for them to flaunt their behavior. Whatever the case may be, these guys do not hesitate for a second to hit on every attractive girl that passes their way.

This type of server has no shame, because he’s a CotU. He can literally alternate between cold silence to faux-friendliness based on the gender of his customer. As a guy, I’m disgusted by both the objectification and the lack of subtleness involved. But more than that, I try to put myself in the mindset of a successful professional woman witnessing this while in line. I can’t imagine what it’s like to try and get through the day while being judged by these clowns. I know it’s hard to believe for these CotU’s, but maybe some women just want to get their food in a professional manner without being objectified.

It’s amazing how a person who controls food thinks they have power over someone. Moreso than any other service industry, a food server seems to be emboldened by his position of power. From the waiter who spits in food because he felt slighted, to a bartender who pays more attention to the customers who tip better, employees of the food service industry abuse their power. And for the misogynistic server, he tends to feel entitled to hit on the women without any recourse.

CotU #2: The “Customer is Always Right” Consumer

Mel Brooks once said "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die." A CotU focus on their costs and benefits and discount those of their fellow man. Some consumers think that their dollar entitles them to the burger king experience; they want it “their way.” They incorrectly think that the fact that they are on the demand side of the equation gives them carte blanche to affect the supply side. They are wrong.

The classic example is a crowded bar. In theory, as a patron, you are entitled to order any drink on the menu. However, common decency (something a CotU doesn’t possess) dictates that you don’t want to make a bartender suffer needlessly. If you order a round of drinks, and four of your buddies want a miller light, don’t be the guy that makes the fifth a bud light. Of course, CotU’s go above and beyond that, and usually require a drink that contains three alcohols and two mixers, and specify the number of ice cubes to boot. And when you question them on their order, they’ll usually reply with “that’s their job!” or “I’m the customer, and I get to order what I want.”

For the record, bartenders don’t usually own the bar. They aren’t reaping any profits on the transaction (other than the tip). And food servers are even less invested in the profit end of the business. It’s completely unfair to make their job any harder than it has to be. If breakfast ends at 10:30, don’t try and talk them into making you something at 10:45.

The most egregious thing I’ve ever witnessed involves chicken wings. When they are on the menu, they are always in high demand and because they are cooked in front of you, the lines tend to build up. I once had the displeasure of being behind someone who wanted her wings cooked in a specific way. Instead of the usual pan fried process, she requested that they “lightly” be cooked that way, and then taken to the back to be cooked in the oven. Something about the crispiness (or lack there of) of the chicken, I’m not exactly sure.

What I am sure of is that she said no less than THREE times “don’t worry, they’ll (the people in the back) know who it’s for. So, not only was this a regular request, but this woman actually took pride in having a personal order. This poor man had to stop his regular routine of pan frying, and hand off the wings to the back of the cafeteria. And eventually, when the wings came back out, she repeated her “did you know who they were for?” question TWICE, only to finally grin “yeah, I knew you’d know they were for me.”

Well congratulations CotU, you’ve managed to usurp some extra advantage of the process. Once again you prove the thesis that the squeaky wheel get the oil. It must make you feel really important to be able to get such personal service. Of course, any jerk could make a request. The only problem is that if everyone did it, the servers would be overwhelmed and be unable to perform their job.

And that’s why the “well I’m PAYING for this” defense doesn’t work. Because the price of the wings is based on how much it costs to make them in a normal process. The manpower to make them costs a certain amount of dollars. If you start making those employees work harder, and take more time, eventually you’re going to need to increase your staff. And eventually, the prices of the wings go up.

Sure, maybe those wings taste slightly better than the normal process. But as a consumer, you have to accept that you are not in fact the center of the universe and that the food industry is a business that survives on multiple sales. If you want a higher quality product, you don’t have the right to ask for better service …go find a higher end restaurant (which will charge more).

CotU #3: The Hybrid Consumer

When you combine a misogynistic server with a “customer is always right” consumer, chaos ensues. First, a disclaimer: I’m fully aware that I have received countless benefits being a white male in this racist/sexist society. It would be impossible for me to separate, or even recognize, all of those benefits. And of course, its males who are 99% to blame for this sexist society we live in. So, for me to sit here in judgment of women who reap the micro benefits of misogynic males (while ignoring the macro harm it causes our society) teeters on the edge of hypocrisy. But all that being said, just because I’m not the best voice to discuss the issue, it doesn’t mean the argument isn’t valid.

The misogynistic server wants to flirt with the female customer. And the female customer wants special treatment when it comes to their food. So they use each other all under the false pretense of being “friendly.” Some women might actually trick themselves into thinking the server is “just being nice”, but that has to be willful ignorance. Again, how could the server be nice one minute to them, but then cold and dispondant to the male customer. Furthermore, the server isn’t actually being “generous” by giving away his boss’ food. It’s not costing him anything, and borders on stealing.

The cafeteria at lawschool was the worst. The guy at the register openly joked to the women that they paid less money for the same items. I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that the women were literally reaping a financial benefit through their sexuality. What’s the word for that again?

The woman justifies the discount by saying “if he wants to give it to me cheaper, why should I refuse? That doesn’t benefit anyone.” But just because the costs and benefits are miniscule on a global scale does not mean that they are non existent. By accepting that benefit you are in essence telling the server “yes, objectify me”. When an attractive woman gets that benefit, she undoubtedly has a less attractive counterpart who is NOT getting that discount.

It troubles me when people judge an action on the surface without trying to figure out the motive behind it. A lot of behavior that is labeled as “nice” really isn’t. It’s usually manipulative and insincere. And by accepting the benefits, the behavior is ultimately encouraged. When a guy offers an attractive woman a seat on a bus, it’s up to that woman to realize that she, and her less attractive counterpart, is being objectified.

But getting back to food…People in line notice the dance that goes on between the server and consumer. And in the end, everyone involved looks bad. The server is exposed for the misogynist that he is. And the woman’s self centeredness is equally exposed as she chooses an extra scoop of mac and cheese over the satisfaction in refusing to be an active participant in the sexism that plagues our society.




The easy answer to all of this is to just stop judging and ignore this stuff when it goes on. Everyone has their faults, and it’s unfair for me to notice these, but ignore my own shortcomings. But it’s really hard to turn these observations off, to take the blue pill if you will. Once you start getting into the mindset of understanding WHY people act the way they do, it’s hard to go back. Watching how people interact in the food industry is a depressing endeavor. If people can be this self centered and egotistical in this minor interaction, one can only imagine how deep those characteristics run.

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 05, 2008 at Sunday, October 05, 2008 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

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