There was a time when i still had hope for wrestling. In my last true mark-out moment, I remember noticing that everyone in the WWF ring were all alumni from ECW. And then they united to form a rebel alliance that would propel amazing storylines for months (actually, steve and I wrote out about 2 years worth of storylines based on this one moment). Then, after the phone calls had been made and the emails had been written, as Raw was going off the air, the entire angle was ruined by having stephanie mcmahon take over the ECW revolution from Paul Heyman. Wrestling was officially dead to me at that point (although I tried to hang on for netcop's sake for awhile longer). And to be honest, a little part of me died inside too as one of my few joys in life was ruined. Tonight, I mourn yet another loss, as Real World has officially become a walking cliche.

Now, before I rant, i have to admit that i was thoroughly entertained by tonight's episode. Pound for pound, it provided non stop entertainment. But at what cost? Watching an old lady outside your house slip on the ice and thrash in agony provides a great laugh, but you feel dirty afterwards. Oh wait, no you don't. That's a bad example. Anyway, ever since the Hawaii Season, Real world has been spiraling out of control. Every new season has to adhere to these simple rules:

1) Under no circumstance can there be a normal looking person on the show. I wanted to state the rule as "everyone has to be hot" but that's not necessarily true. Every once in a blue moon, a freak is allowed to be on the show (see: franky).

2) Tons and tons of alcohol have to be consumed. In order to acomplish this, you have to give them a meaningless job to provide with tons of free time. Remember when the cast would work with underpriviledged kids? Well, that's been replaced with working at clubs in vegas or pretending to write reviews for a travel book. I absolutely respect the fact that this new cast always has a 40 in their hands, but we've had how many episodes so far (4?) and each one has been dominated by what happens when someone gets really drunk. Of course "interesting" things happen to drunk people. But it's a shallow attempt at trying to show real human emotion. Why not shoot everyone up with crystal meth and lock them in a room and see what happens.

3) Every cast member has to go in with the assumption that they will hook up with another cast member. Again this started after hawaii after storyline of that blonde who wired her mouth shut being into that other guy who i can't remember. Ever since then, it's almost a given that there will be at least one pairing. The real world has now become more of a dating reality show, and i think it's pretty clear that 1 and 2 have helped contribute to 3 being so successful.

Well, when the casting directors continue to find the most extreme examples of the above characteristics, is there any doubt as to the disasterous results. There was a time where a drunk driving ruthie had the entire staff concerned. Now, it's as though MTV was enouraging the underage drinking. What would have happened if SB (southern belle, i don't know her name) MH (morehouse college kid) got into the bar, drank too much and wound up dieing. Couldn't MTV be held liable for their role in this illegal activity? At the very least, they shouldn't be encouraging this type of behavior. SB has no redeeming qualities. She fails a boat test one week, and then, when she's not able to sweet talk her way into the bar, doesn't even know her address to get home. Stop and think about that for a second. She was whining "i don't even know how to get home." Retards can find their way home. Dogs can find their way home even if being dropped off in a different state. Retarded dogs? well, they just drool a lot.

and what drives me crazy about Real World is that the talking head parts never match up with what really happens. If i was an editor, i'd show the actual action first, then have the talking head jump in and say the exact opposite of what she did, and then cut back to the action. Confused? The wannabe tough girl went on and on saying how she was in charge of the SB and how she was ok with looking out for her. A big sister if you will. Well, as soon as SB can't get into the bar, does she go home with her? No, she talks down to her, mocks sb's inability to get home (ok, i would have done that too), and then says "i can't hang out with you b/c i fight when i'm around you". Is that how you look out for someone?

oh, backtracking a bit, i have to bow in awe of the heckler who made the "fake world" comment to SB when she couldn't use her fake ID. BURN! that was even better than Sharpton's retort on the WMD comment. You had to be there (actually, i imagine 25% of the people reading this actually were there). And that was basically the extent of the heckling. Why WTG (wannabe tough girl) had to get all fired up and PUNCH the guy is beyond me. She thought she was so tough with her punch but all it showed was her arrogance. Fine, the punch didn't hurt the guy, but that doesn't make her actions any less primative. In fact, because her punch is obviously so weak and pointless, it almost makes her actions WORSE. She was so smug after she walked away. I took great satisfaction in how quickly she changed her tune once the cops were involved. "yes sir. No sir, all i did was push him away from me like this 'please get away from me'" then, after that doesn't work, she goes to the old stand by....tears. Did anyone else think of Rocky telling Mr. T. "oh, you aint so bad now"? oh, nevermind then.

End scene. And then begin new scene with the two guys being thrown out of the bar for being too drunk. And then you have brad dropping about 10 f bombs to some guy walking down the street and making fun of his hair. Again, really really tough. BTW, i completely love the fact that the crowd was anti real world. I heard the seattle cast had the same problem. As much as i watch the rw, i would do the same thing if our paths ever crossed. In a rare moment of editing genius, as brad and TOG (the other guy) go walking by the cop car a little bubble pops up adn says "robin's squad car". Oh my god, i actually know her name. It's ONLY b/c of that bubble. MTV should be really proud. They have one cast member in a squad car and another one about to get arrested. And how stupid must you be to have been given a warning by a cop and then continuing to talk. What a moron. And then after he has the cuffs on him he asks "what am i being arrested for?" but did it in such a tone that he was implying "i didn't do anything." Uh being drunk in public son. BURN II! "hey guys, they are all making fun of me, arrest them too". Jerk.

I have to say, as disgusted i am by the rw, the 5 minute scene of TOG coming home and explaining everything to everyone was a laugh riot. You had MH wearing a "free tibet, er, brad" shirt and TOG dropping some of the funniest lines i've EVER heard. "yo, we didn't step on no toez or anything." "if i know my boy right now, and i think i do, then he's ARRESTED". Then, trying to be serious for a second, he asks MH for help "I can't moob because i been drinking" and then he proceeds to basically pass out as MH is stuck cleaning up the mess.

If there was any doubt about MH being my favorite character in years, him pouring out some mickey for his fallen soldior sealed the deal. When SB wanted to pour out the whole thing, his response of "are you crazy? this is mickey. he's going to need this when he gets back" had me in hysterics. Well played, MH, well played.

Finally, I was really disturbed by how casual brad was taking the fact that he was arrested. Even if the charges don't stick, getting arrested is bad in and of itself. That will stay on your record. He'll have to fill that out on job applications. I've seen some drunken buffonery in my day, but nowhere near getting arrested. He should be disgusted with himself.

It will be interesting to see if Robin gets kicked off the show for using violence. There's a long precedent of cast members getting kicked off of shows for hitting. Then again, in a season where someone winds up getting RAPED off camera, I suppose all bets are off. Good job MTV in completely lowering the bar for what was once a good show but how since become a self parady.

I'm tired. I quit.