They said the 4 minute mile would be the ultimate human feat. They were wrong. Despite all the obstacles, I was able to cancel AOL in under 5 minutes. First, when you call their main number, ignore all the menus, and continuously hit 0. Eventually, you will be directly connected to a real life human being. The guy that I spoke with then gave me a different number to specifically cancel my account. Another real life human being picked up. After telling him that I wanted to cancel, and confirming my billing information, here’s how the conversation went:

Him: “so, will you be switching over to a different service”

Me: “no, I’m not going to have any internet, actually, I…”

Him: “oh, did something happen to your computer?”

Me: “No, I can just use the internet at work. Look, I realize it’s your job to try and say anything to get me to stay. But, my decision is made and there’s nothing you can say that will change it. I doubt you want to get into a political discussion, but I did some research and I have to tell you that I think AOL-Time Warner is hurting our country. I don’t want to support your company anymore. Huge media conglomerates such as your corporation limit options, stifle free speech and generally hurt the country.”

[pause]

Him: “well, there really aren’t any other options. Any choice of a company you decide to use…”

Me [cutting him off]: “There you go, you said it all in that one sentence. There AREN’T any options out there. There are 5 huge conglomerates that control all the media in our country. Do you realize how dangerous that is? You control everything, and I, as a consumer, don’t have any options. You dictate what people are allowed to consume and you leave us with no other options. So, if you are telling me that I must choose between one of these companies, I tell you that my choice is “nothing”.”

Him: “Here is your cancellation information. Have a good day.”