This is just between you and me, so don't tell Netflix, but I hated (500) Days of Summer. I hated almost everything about it, and yet, I felt the need to lie to Netflix and give it 3 stars. First day of the new year, and I found myself facing a great moral dilemma. I'm still not sure if I made the right decision, and may live to regret it, but it had to be done.

Netflix's 5-Star system is inadequate in terms of capturing the many shades of grey I can feel towards a movie. 1 star (hated it) and 5 stars (loved it) are fine, and even 4 stars (really liked it) is really just "5 stars, but with flaws". But there's a whole spectrum between 2 and 3 stars.

Where does "I watched the movie, and don't regret watching it, but I don't recommend it, and didn't really like it" fit? (The Taking of Pelham 123, Taken)

Or "Wow, this movie was bad, and I know this because I've watched it on HBO three times this month"? (Sex and the City)

Or "Hmm, I think I really loved this movie, but I could see why someone else might hate it" (Funny People)

Or "This movie is so enragingly bad, that I'm going to get out of bed and email my friends insisting that they too watch it so I can have company in my misery" (Bride Wars)

Or "Ugh, This movie is so bad that I actually had to turn it off, BUT, I appreciate the effort and wish I did like it" (Slackers)

Like I said, I hated (500) Days of Summer and hated almost everything about it. I hated how they crowbarred hip music (Pixies, The Smiths, Belle & Sebastian) to mask the fact that they were telling the same old cliched story of unrequited-love. I hated how their attempt at humor involved a 10 year old girl being the "voice of wisdom" for her older brother. I hated the Momento-like gimmick of telling the story in non-chronological order. I hated the cheesy "50's Health Class Video" voiceover. But there was this great scene where the guy checks out his reflection and sees Han Solo wink back at him...

Sounds like a 2-Star rating, right? Wrong. Because if I squint, this movie can look a lot like Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, a movie I really liked. My fear is that Netflix won't be able to understand why I hated the former, but liked the latter. And I'm pretty confident that they won't be able to because I can't do it myself. Nick and Norah was too hip for it's own good, telling a cliched story with an ultra-hip soundtrack. So why one and not the other?

Where's my "disliked the movie, but don't read anything into that" rating? The "failed to execute, but let's not write off movies like that" star? So, Netflix, because I don't think you can handle the truth, I'm forced to lie to you. I'm sorry, but that's the way it's gotta be.