to only have one person read it. so instead of just replying to him, i'll paste it here too. so that a 2nd person will read it.

1.What time did you get up this morning?
10:30ish, but only because i had a late night of drinking.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Pearls. Diamonds symbolize the sheep-like mentality of humanity. The cartel tricks people into thinking diamonds have value, and people sacrafice so much to obtain them. How much you love your wife can be measured by the size of the diamond you got her. Ha! i wish i still had the link of the thesis i read on diamonds. It was shocking to see how manipulative the cartel was and is. Pearls at least have a natural beauty to them.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
King Kong? I hated it.

4.What is your favorite TV show?
Six Feet Under. Currently (and i use that term loosely), it's Arrested Development. No wait, the Colbert Report...how could i forget?

5. What did you have for breakfast?
leftover pizza from last night. But it was more like a brunch.

6. What is your middle name?
Andrew. My spelling is so bad that i actually had to look at that for awhile to make sure i got it right.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
I could live exclusively on Italian.

8. What foods do you dislike?
Now that I've grown to tolerate beets, i think the only thing i actively don't like is asaparagus. I'm not a fan of celery in potato salad, but that's more of a texture issue, not taste.

9. Your favorite Potato chip?
Sour cream and onion. Though the bite sized tostitoes rule all. And pepper jack doritoes are fantastic.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
A few days ago i saw a documentary on "american idiot" and how it's a rock opera. Ever since then, i've been re-into the album. I wish i could pick a more unique album than that.

11. What kind of car do you drive?
ha! I haven't driven in a decade.

12. Favorite sandwich?
There was an old italian deli where i used to work. They barely spoke any english, and I don't think they realized how ridiculously overstuffed their sandwiches were. For about 6 months straight, we always got capicola, salami, provoline with oil and vinegar. Those sandwiches were heavenly. I wish i could remember the name of the deli, they deserve the plug.

13. What characteristics do you despise?
I don't like people who are not self aware. I also don't like people who refuse to at least TRY to be objective. The people who would rather take the easy way out and blindly believe in something instead of searching for the truth (even if that truth turns out to be dark), annoy me.

14. Favorite item of clothing?
The effort that goes into clothing kills me. Just give me a solid colored shirt that fits, and comfortable jeans. That being said, there was this pair of sneakers that i really liked in the mall a couple of months ago. They didn't have my size, but now i've become obsessed with getting them. It's the first time since i was 14 that i've actively cared about a piece of clothing.

15. Where in the world on vacation would you go?
Europe.

16. What color is your bathroom?
I assume it's white. I do know that my mom insisted on hanging up some framed thing that has bathroom humor on it. Sort of like a top ten list. I was so embarassed that I couldn't win the argument as to what goes in my bathroom, that I vowed never to read the list. Years later, and i think i've only glanced at one or two lines by accident.

18. Where would you want to retire?
at a Vineyard in Italy

19. Favorite time of day?
11:30 pm on weeknights - the Colbert Report.

20. Where were you born?
Hackettstown NJ. It really drives me crazy when i'm asked that question on forms and stuff, b/c i never know how to spell that town.

21. Favorite sport to watch?
Live - Baseball. On tv, college basketball (that's new for me). If SHU played at a small venue, i'd probably love it live too.

22. Who do you least expect to send this back?
I don't know enough about myspace to mass email. I assume this is going just to joeysoup.

23. Person you expect to send it back first?
nobody, since Joeysoup already sent it out.

24. What laundry detergent do you use?
It's in a yellow container. I could pick it out of a lineup, but i can't remember the name.

25. Coke or Pepsi?
I had a grape soda the other day that was just awesome. Over the long hall, i'd have to go with diet mountain dew, code red.

26. Are you a morning person or night owl?
Now that my sleep apnea is under control, i'm good in teh mornings too. I like both ends of the day, but it's the middle that i find a little grueling.

27. sandals or boots shoe do you wear?
I don't wear sandals or boots. and i hate shoes too. just give me sneakers.

28. Do you own any pets?
no. I'm also tempted to get a cat at some point, but i won't.

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone?
I just found out last night that i might be eligible for a three month extension for unemployment. But, i think i may be close to getting a job.

30. What did you want to be when you were little?
not little. I wasted a good chunk of my life always waiting for the future. Now, i'm more content with the present.

31. Favorite Candy Bar?
twix or kit kats. i don't eat them enough to really have an answer.

32. What is your best childhood memory?
watching WWF ppv's at my cousin's house. Generally just sleeping over there and whatnot.

33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life?
private tutor, professional note taker, umpire, computer lab assistant, exam proctor, judge's law clerk.

34. What color underwear are you wearing?
white, always white. I can't stand thinking about clothes, do you really think i'm going to deal with underwear too?

35. Nicknames:
Denny, FFB, "D"

36. Piercing?
Never got around to getting one. Now, it's cliched.

37. Eye color?
brown i guess.

38. Ever been to Africa?
no.

39. Ever been toilet papering?
nope.

40. Love someone so much it made you cry?
yup.

41. Been in a car accident?
Just one, but boy was it a doozy.

42. Croutons or Bacon Bits?
croutons, though i have issues with their size and structure. I don't like the ones that you can't press your fork through but are too big to be scooped up with a normal forkful of salad.

43. Favorite day of the week?
Always loved sunday afternoons. I think that might be a defining characteristic. Saturday nights are all full of drama, but the sunday afternoon is so calm and relaxing. Nothing beats falling asleep to a football game.

44. Favorite restaurant?
The rodizio place in Belville. Although, maybe i'd go with "bertas" just b/c that's where we always go for family outings. But, i don't really like the food there anymore.

45. Favorite flower(s)?
White roses. Depending on the situation, maybe one single red rose in the center of the red roses. But, i am looking forward to death, b/c i really love Uncle Chuck's bleeding heart. Joey, are you listening? do one up nice and special when i go.

46. Favorite ice cream?
Vanilla. Probably vanilla bean if i had to be specific, but french vanilla is good too.

47. Disney or Warner Brothers?
Warner Brothers. Daffy Duck has sass. Although, i wish i could choose neither, b/c i hate supporting either one of the big 5 corporations (disney, aol time warner, news corp, GE, viacom)

48. Favorite fast food restaurant?
uh, there's a place around teh block that has 5 dollar large plain pies that are actually good. and that's not even 5 plus tax. You just hand him a 5 dollar bill and he hands you a pie. Wendys is good too though.

49. What color is your bedroom carpet?
my floor is all tiled. though i have four little patches of biege carpet under the wheels of the bed.

50. How many times did you fail your driver's test
zero. shocked?

51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail?
"the James". We had to recap the events of last night, and discuss our tentative plans for a table shuffle board adventure on sunday. any interest?

52. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Best buy. I couldn't even think of a second store. I live at best buy.

53. What do you do most often when you are bored?
internet and eat.


54. Bedtime?
anytime after Colbert Report (12)

55. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire?
I was really interested to read soup's answers. He always seemed more interesting then the rest of Nick's friends (no offense to any of them). I can't believe that the kid who got beat up all the time is going to be the leader of teh revolution.

56. Last person you went to dinner with?
well, some of us ate last night (either at the bar, or at whitecastle afterwards). but if the definition is actually oging to dinner, then that would be jessica.

57. What are you reading now?
Wow, 98% of the time, i wouldn't have an answer b/c i'm just incapable of reading books anymore. But, i have the calvin and hobbes full collection on my bed opened right now.

58. What are you listening to right now?
Oh man, this is so embarassing, but i actually had to put on something "unique" so i could answer this question truthfully. "Battles". I saw them open for Mission of Burma a couple of weeks ago, and i was blown away. It was by far the best opener i've ever seen (i may have liked the redwalls when they opened more, but battles has more of an "opening band" style to them, if that makes sense). I can also hear MSG over my shoulder. I had to put the knicks game on tonight to see the trainwreck.

59. What is your favorite color(s)?
Dark Purple. I'm obsessed. I think purple is unfairly labeled a chick's color. It's just like blue. Why is blue manly, but not purple?

60. Lake, Ocean or river?
This was a really good question. Lake. I think i'm going to steal this question and use it to springboard a whole conversation about life and philosophy.

61. How many tattoos do you have?
1. I really want a 2nd one. I know exactly what it's going to be and where it's going to go. I'm trying to hold out until i'm 30 though.

62. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Eggs. Definitely. Other species besides chickens lay eggs.

63. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
In terms of taste? a pale ale. In terms of getting the job done for concerts? red bull and vodka, made 50/50 in a sprite bottle and chugged on teh path. Yankee games? "reaper". You take a two liter bottle of sprite and empty it to one inch below the label. Fill with vodka, and then add some lemon juice. Heck, i should have just said vodka and been done with it.

64. What things do you collect?
dvds

65. family guy or the simpsons?
family guy, though both have slipped since their peak, the simpsons slip was a huge downward spiral.

66. Favorite TV/Movie star?
Jack Black.

67. What was your first pet?
Frog - Andy. From Aunt Diane.

68. What is/was your proudest moment(s)?
after heckling the blue jay bulpen for litterally teh entire game, they threw me a baseball out of mutual respect.

69. Do you bite your nails?
No, never.

70. What magazines to you subscribe to?
None, i hate magazines.

71. I never leave home without...
Cell phone, wallet, and keys.

72. What was your new year's resolution?
I don't believe in them. If you want to change your life, change it. Don't do it b/c of a calander.

73. What are you looking forward to in 2006?
Finally having teh YES network after years of suffering.

74. What was the last new word you learned?
Oh man, this is going to kill me. there was a word that i heard for the "first" time three times in two days. I thought it was so weird. I'll never remember it, but i remember shawn telling julia to not be so _____ on nip/tuck. or maybe it was the other way around.

75. What charities are you giving to this year?
I don't believe in giving to charities. I know that sounds cruel, but there's so much beuracracy and missue of funds for charities. When i finally decide what the best charity is, i'll give money then. I don't feel like i'm being selfish, b/c in theory i should be able to give more then, b/c i've been saving up.

http://gorillamask.net/jkluc1.shtml

(2/20/06) - Dianna Abdala, a 24-year-old Boston-area attorney, had apparently agreed to work for William Korman.

This woman makes me sick. She was on the Colbert Report tonight, and i was hoping that at C would take her down a notch. I can't believe he let her slide. Is everyone aware of her role in risking the lives of americans in the days following 9-11? sadly, i wasn't until i saw the dvd about the 9-11 coverup. Here's a little paragraph from wiki, which matches what i've heard.

On May 20, 2003 she resigned her position, effective June 27 of that year. Some have questioned her role in the alleged coverup of the toxic chemicals in the air around Ground Zero after the September 11, 2001 terror attacks on New York City though the reason she gave was to spend time with her family. As for the September 11 environmental crisis, Whitman appeared twice in New York City after the attacks to inform New Yorkers that no threat was posed to their health by toxins released by the attacks, contrary to EPA's own conclusions. It is later shown that the EPA knew that the levels of asbestos, dioxins, PCBs , and heavy metals released by the destruction of the World Trade Center were at horrendously high levels, but Whitman refused to release the information at the behest of the White House.

[back to me]. The reason she said it was safe was to trick people into going back to work at wallstreet. Cleanup workers were NOT ALLOWED to wear masks, b/c it would instill fear in other people. I forget the numbers, but there are now large numbers of people suffering from severe illnesses b/c of her actions.

back to wiki:

On February 2, 2006, U.S. District Court Judge Deborah A. Batts issued a ruling rejecting Whitman's request for immunity in a 2004 class action lawsuit brought by a group who claimed exposure to hazardous debris from the collapse of the World Trade Center. The judge stated that "No reasonable person would have thought that telling thousands of people that it was safe to return to lower Manhattan, while knowing that such return could pose long-term health risks and other dire consequences, was conduct sanctioned by our laws," and called Whitman's actions "conscience-shocking." [1]

[back to me]

She sickens me on so many levels. when she said she was for the enviroment, my stomach churned. And i didn't even know this tidbit from wiki:

As head of the EPA, she made headlines for disavowing (with the President) the validity of a government-commissioned report suggesting a human contribution to global warming. It is later proven that Whitman cooperated with White House efforts to edit and rewrite the report to remove all references to global warming, and to replace an National Academy of Sciences study proving the human component of global warming with results from an American Petroleum Institute study that challenged the very existence of global warming. The media is consistent in its portrayal of Whitman as a moderate, even liberal maverick constantly at odds with the others in the Bush administration. However, many observers see Whitman as being as corporate-friendly and as hostile to the environment as the rest of the administration; as Mike Casey of the Environmental Working Group says, Whitman was "an active part of the Presidential wrecking ball."

[me]. I wasn't going to include that 2nd part, but it nicely illustrates tuna's trademarked "liberal media". there's no way she's moderate. why, b/c she believes in abortion adn gay rights? that makes you human, not liberal (well, less so with abortion. i suppose i'm not that enraged by pro choice people per se).

I hate this woman.

tonight, i resaw the scene where they lifted a building. see, they needed to shoot a crossbow like weapon into hte building across the street. they didn't have a good shot from either the floor above or the floor below, so they raised the entire building. puh-lease. i'm pretty sure it would have been easier (but less "cool") to just use some kind of lowering device for the cross bow.

oh, i'm talking about ocean's 12. i probably should have mentioned that.

i have his hbo special on in the background, and he's talking about how he doesn't really believe in global warming. well, "i don't disbelieve it, but i don't necessarily believe it"

from wiki...

Zombo.com

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Zombo.com is a humorous website created on October 10, 1999. The site consists solely of a single Macromedia Flash animation of the website's title and seven circles of alternating colours. The animation's voice-over repeatedly welcomes the viewer to the web site and claims that the viewer can do anything they want without any limitations at Zombo.com. However, when the introduction is finished, instead of a link to the main zombo.com website (which does not exist), it simply provides a link to the zombo.com newsletter for a few seconds and then goes back to the start. The dot is not pronounced by the animation, which refers to the site as "Zombocom". The site has become well known as an Internet phenomenon.

The site is believed by some to be a parody of much of the advertising of the dot-com boom, as it seems to hype up an interesting service but does not offer one. Though it continues to exist after the end of that era, it has not yet changed its animation.

he's older than me ?!?! he was born in 1976. He apparently has some growth defect that makes him look like a kid. Someone needs to explain his show to me, b/c not only do i not find it funny, but i can't even figure out what their attempt at humor is. and, the fact that he's not 14 makes it even more disturbing.

i'm sure you've seen the "kid solves rubik's cube in 11 seconds" story as many times i have. The odd thing is that it wasn't that much better than the old world record. In fact, the kid didn't even win first place in the competition (b/c you have to average your scores). This story is only "interesting", if you assume that he crushed the record. 11 seconds isn't interesting when 12 seconds is the standard.

I was very excited to catch "the basketball diaries" right from the beginning tonight. every time i think this movie is on, it turns out to be that other movie, "hoop dreams".

I was a little surprised to notice that the lyrics to one of the songs in the movie matched up with the plot. So, i looked it up online, and it turns out that the song "people that died" is moderately famous. And, the artist, jim carroll, [hmm, i can't phrase this sentence correctly. jim carroll's life is the inspiration for this movie.]

less full time outs and more 20 second time outs. 20 second time outs are actually somewhat exciting. a team on the road will call one to settle down, but sometimes the crowd gets even more revved up. It's just the right amount of time to see the replay, and discuss what the team is going to do next.

maybe turn all full time outs into 20 second times when there are 2 minutes left in the game. having a full time out after every position is brutal.

1) pitt may or may not have had a false start (it looked like the LG flinched), but then THREE colts jumped offsides and touched the offensive line. Clearly, the refs had to assume that there was a false start, but didn't see it. so what did they call? "there was no flag on the play. no player crossed the line of scrimmage". HUH? just admit you are calling a "do-over" b/c you don't know any better.

2) interception where the guy dives to catch the ball, then rolls around on the ground for several flips. As he gets up, he drops hte ball and picks it up. "after further review, the player did not have possession of the ball".

seriously, since both of these calls were made by the head ref, i have to assume that he was told to make the colts win. there's NO WAY that these two calls could be made legitimally. they were that bad.

Last night, i got excited by the idea of Clerks II. Then, i thought back and realized that Smith movies have been mediocre outside of Clerks and Chasing Amy.

Here's the link of a good rant:

am i allowed to just cut and paste the whole article? well, considering 3 people read this, i think i'm safe.

Has anyone else noticed that Kevin Smith’s movies are horrible, or wondered how it is that he’s still working?

Editor's Note - While I personally do not share this view, and Kevin Smith is actually a "friend" of EM. I thought Michael's comments were pretty valid. Check out our Exclusive interview with K.S. HERE! .

Ten years after debuting with “Clerks,” Smith seems poised to cross over from indie demigod to brand name Hollywood director. He has vowed to retire his “View Askew” alternate universe, and, with it, all of the recurring characters played by his cronies.

Smith has colluded with the Jennifer Lopez juggernaut for his upcoming movie, “Jersey Girl,” and his follow-up project will be a prequel to the Chevy Chase “Fletch” movies. Smith has also apparently reached the level, as both an auteur and as a pop cultural phenomenon, to warrant a vanity lecture DVD (“An Evening with Kevin Smith”).

As someone who has regarded his work rather dubiously for some time now, this is all a bit hard to fathom, and it seems to me that now, more than ever, the above questions beg to be addressed.
Don’t get me wrong. Like everyone else, I reserve warm and fuzzy feelings for “Clerks.” Back in ’94, who wasn’t rooting for Kevin Smith?

Who was not behind this poor would-be Woody Allen schlub from New Jersey who ran up massive credit card debts in creating that heartfelt black and white ####box of an independent film? Who did not forgive the stilted dialogue or the high school-grade acting in light of the good vibes that “Clerks” emanated, and the well-publicized background story of Smith’s struggle to get his movie made?
And what about Jason Mewes (the vocal half of the ‘Jay and Silent Bob” duo)? Wasn’t it funny how totally unimpressed this guy seemed to be by appearing in a movie? Would anyone in Hollywood have had the balls to actually cast the pot dealer who hung out in front of their neighborhood Mini-Mart in the role of the pot dealer who hangs out in front of the Mini-Mart?

Nobody liked “Clerks” more than me. I’m from New Jersey. It really is like that. And the unique profanity and banality indigenous to Jersey had waited too long to be flayed and served up on the screen.

Seizing his moment, Smith apparently reasoned that if you are to be the filmmaker laureate of New Jersey, you need to make a movie based in a mall. So, buoyed by the success of “Clerks,” a real budget, and the stuntcasting of Shannen Doherty (at that point a Hollywood untouchable), Smith followed up “Clerks” with “Mallrats.”
“Mallrats” is one of the worst films ever made. Again: I am from New Jersey. I know malls. When I was ten years old, I saw Tiffany lip-synch “I Think We’re Alone Now” at Garden State Plaza. I am the target audience.

But neither money nor Shannon Doherty could fix the myriad problems that had plagued “Clerks.” Due to the fevered pace and high volume at which much of the script of “Mallrats” is delivered, the dialogue in is actually more awkward than it was in Smith’s first movie. Witness Doherty attempting to roar through the following line: “I’m a girl, dammit! I want to do girly things! Like fix up someone’s hair and get phone calls expressing romantic sentiments!” Try spitting that one out by yourself, right now. Shannen Doherty couldn’t do it, I can’t do it, and you probably can’t either.

Throughout his career, Smith has been incapable of advancing a plot by artful or even workmanlike means. He relies heavily on conversations in which one character acts a voice of reason, breaking down a situation for the main character, and then leading him, by the nose, to enlightenment. Silent Bob is Smith’s favorite voice of reason.

In “Mallrats,” a quote from Yoda provides his token bon mots. Comic book legend Stan Lee serves as the second voice of reason, drawing parallels between Jason Lee’s problems and those of Marvel Superheroes. In yet another bit of stuntcasting, Terry from “Three’s Company” appears as the third voice of reason, playing a topless psychic with three nipples.

However, despite the presence of these and other quasi-intellectual (and quasi-intelligent) monologues, Smith’s movies are essentially nothing more than warmed over artifacts of Grade-B 1980’s cinema (witness the tri-nippled clairvoyant). No character in “Mallrats” illustrates this point more perfectly than the sadistic producer of the “Dating Game” knock-off on which the flimsy plot turns. The stock blowhard’s most notable scene involves greedily consuming pretzels which are covered with fecal matter. And let us not forget the fat guy who is obsessed with the Magic Eye, a subplot that might well have been edited out of something from Troma.

I have no problem with cheekiness, cheap laughs, or the 80’s, but one never gets the sense that Smith is trying to be self-consciously, tongue in cheek, faux ####ty. This is not John Waters. This is not Jack White letting Meg White play drums in the White Stripes. This is really the best that Kevin Smith can do.

Smith followed up “Mallrats” with his commercial breakthrough, “Chasing Amy,” the story of one Jersey’s man’s adventure in mid-90’s bisexual trendspotting. Although the movie has dated poorly, it nonetheless remains better than everything else Smith has done. He still needs three voices of reason (Jay, Silent Bob, and the gay black comic book writer) to keep his story rolling, not to mention a ham-fisted musical montage to show how and why Ben Affleck and Joey Lauren Adams fall in love, but Adams has a winning screen personality (where did she disappear to, anyway?), and, at this point, Smith had made the novel discovery that awkward dialogue can be made less of a sore thumb if one or both of the characters is eating something while they’re talking. Indeed, a little peanut butter to gum up the pronunciation leaves the gutter Voltaire a little less naked as Ben Affleck spits it out.

Unfortunately, following that successful and critically acclaimed film, Smith opted to make his “difficult” film, and courted controversy with “Dogma.” As if often the case with controversial pop art, the film’s subversive nature only runs skin deep. On the “Evening” DVD, Smith names the Catholic ban on premarital sex as his main objection to Christian dogma. In his own words, his problem with the Catholic Church began when he was young, and realized, “I wanna #### before I get married.” Obviously, libraries are filled with books containing sophisticated attacks on God, faith, and Christianity, but nobody pickets libraries. That’s because you don’t anger the most irascible elements of the religious community by actually challenging religion; you do it by fashioning an image of Jesus’s mom with an elephant turd, and showing your work in a city run by Rudy Giuliani. Or by making a movie in which George Carlin plays a cardinal, Alanis Morrisette plays God, and a black man (Chris Rock) plays an apostle.

Now that the stink surrounding “Dogma” has gone away, the most offensive aspect of the film, the one which escaped criticism from both the political right wing and the Church, becomes increasingly clear: It is excruciatingly boring. I fell asleep the first time I watched “Dogma,” and it was chore to keep focused on the film during a more recent viewing. Unfortunately, a #### Monster and an unusually healthy serving of Jason Mewes don’t do much to help.

Following “Dogma,” Smith laid all his cards on the table, and finally let Mewes run rampant throughout his very own vehicle, “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.” The good news about “Jay and Silent Bob” is that Smith’s ability as a visual stylist is finally up to snuff with that of your average hack director. The bad news is that, despite several very funny moments, getting Mewes all of that screen time means fleshing the Jay character out to three very unflattering dimensions.

The film suffers in the same way that many SNL movies suffer; Jay is a one-note, one-joke character, and even good one-joke characters (The Ladies Man, for example) often wilt under more elaborate characterization.

Which, incidentally, is not to say that Jay is not a superb character. Like Beavis and Butthead or Eric Cartman, he has an amazing ability to do the same thing over and over again and make it funny every time. I think it is fair to say that we wouldn’t even be talking about Smith right now if he had never befriended Jason Mewes.

Speaking of Mewes: How great is it that, despite his popularity, and the fact that he plays Kevin Smith’s only dependable recurring character, Mewes seemingly has no interest in seriously pursuing a film career, outside of playing “Jay”? Consider the fact that Jason Lee was never even half as entertaining as Mewes in “Mallrats” or “Chasing Amy,” yet he has already gone so Hollywood that he’s made a chick movie with Julia Stiles, and joined the Church of Scientology.

Anyway, back to Kevin Smith:

Having put the “View Askew” world to bed for good, Smith apparently got tired of waiting for James Lipton to invite him over for a chat, so he took it upon himself to release “An Evening with Kevin Smith,” culled from footage of the director on the lecture circuit back in 2001.

The first thing one notices about the DVD (other than the “Snoogans” knit cap and the other View Askew memorabilia being hawked in the accompanying merch catalog), is the level of adoration that Smith enjoys from his fans. Outside of each of the five colleges at which Smith spoke (college students apparently comprise the bulk of his fans), we are treated to views of assorted geeks and spazzes singing Smith’s praises and parroting their favorite Smith catchphrases for the camera.

The love-in continues on a more massive scale once the cameras move inside the various auditoriums. For the first hour or so, we actually spend more time hearing about how great Kevin Smith is from his fans than hearing Smith himself speak.

I highly recommend that you skip this thing, so allow me to save you the trouble by summarizing the major points: (1) Apparently, Prince is very, very weird - like Michael Jackson without the child molestation. If you are one of those people who are waiting for Prince to turn the corner and start making good music again, it seems like you should just let that dream go. (2) The homoerotic strain of Smith’s movies extends to Smith’s personal life. One cannot escape the suspicion that all of those gay jokes involving Jay and Silent Bob are based, at least in part, on Smith’s real life obsession with Jason Mewes. I know that sounds far-fetched (not to mention slanderous), but at one point, Smith grinds his hips to mime what a Jay and Silent Bob porno flick might look like, and another time, he talks about the time he got his hands on a homemade sex tape featuring Mewes, stating his desire to “see this man in action.” (There is also – I #### you not – a set of bookends currently available for purchase which depict Jay sexually penetrating Silent Bob.)

Mewes turned up for one of the lectures, and watching him is easily the most intriguing part of “Evening.” The only remotely complete thought he utters refers to heroin, and, given his string of drug arrests, as well as how much time he spends scratching himself while on stage, it seems highly probable that he was high during his appearance. (F.Y.I: Heroin makes you itchy.) However, Smith is more than comfortable talking in Mewes’ stead. He even offers a long-winded etymology of the word “Snoogans” on Mewes behalf while Mewes gazes on.

Eventually (and I do mean eventually – the DVD is four hours long), Smith gets down to talking shop. Speaking of his motivation for making “Dogma,” he jokes, “There can be no better explanation or proof of the existence of God than the fact that I have a film career.” This is obviously self-deprecation to some degree or another, but the theory is as good as any for explaining his continuing popularity.

Though there is something to make you laugh in each of Kevin Smith’s films (usually Mewes), he has no visual style to speak of, and very little cinematic flair in any sense. The movies really just lay there.

And yet there is no denying the existence of a fan base. I guess some people like to be able to get both dick and fart jokes and psychobabble all at the same time. Smith himself has described “Mallrats” as a “smart Porky’s.”

Personally, for sophomoric humor, I’ll take the original “Porky’s.” And for smart, well, I’d prefer to endure a one-act play by an NYU undergrad.
The best thing that can be said about Smith, going all the way back to “Clerks,” is that he is a people pleaser. When we liked Jay and Silent Bob, he gave us more Jay and Silent Bob. When we were into slutty bisexual women, he gave us a slutty bisexual woman.

But I still can’t see how J-Lo’s of the world will grapple with his cumbersome dialogue, or how the characters they portray will be able to find their way in the world without Silent Bob or Stan Lee there to guide them. From here on out, Kevin Smith no longer dwells in the View Askew universe. We shall see what kind of home he makes for himself in Hollywood.

My pictures don't show up as thumbnails anymore in my folders. I think this is b/c of the new security updated i d/l for windows. This has completely ruined my picture experience. How am i supposed to go through all my digital photos?

I'm very upset.


btw, I'm just going to squint when i watch knicks games and pretend that Frye is Camby. Easily my new favorite player.

and the mavs game was fun to watch.

for weeks now, i keep getting updated on the US skeleton's coach's situation. Some type of sexual harrassment charge. But, i've never heard what the heck a skeleton team is. Why does the media assume we know what this is? I assume it's something winter olympics related, but couldn't they give us one sentence about it?

then i forgot about it. i added an ending to it just now, but then when i "published" it, it wouldn't move the date up to here. so, i'm going to repost it.

[for those of you wondering, I had to go with a playlist of slower sleater-kinney songs]

With all due respect to Einstein and Stephen Hawking, they've been looking in the wrong place for their T.O.E. (theory of everything). If one really wants to understand the mysteries of the universe and discover that one unifying force, they needn't look any further than Ocean's 12. Everything [sidenote: what in the world happens when you swallow weird and your tongue gets stuck to the roof of your mouth? why does that hurt so much? am i creating a suction that is ripping up my esophogus? oh man, that hurt] that is wrong in our society, and the universe in general, is captured in this terrible terrible movie.

Ocean's 11 was a decent movie. Not spectular by any means, but definitely watchable (and rewatchable to be honest). It was the kind of movie that would fall apart if you sat there with a notepad and tried to find plot holes, but held together if you gave it the benefit of the doubt and just sat back and enjoyed the ride. Ocean's 12's plot holes jump out at you and punch you in the face. I can't even tell you how low my expectations were going into this movie. But, somehow this movie underchieved.

One of the many problems with sequels is that the characters usually have to be more "X-treme to Max" in order to satisfy the fans. The funny guy has to be funnier, the dangerous guy has to be dangerouser, etc. etc. Ocean's 12 breaks that mold though. Instead, the characters just act completely different. Was there any mention of Danny being this legendary thief in the first movie? The way i remember it (and i might be wrong as i haven't seen 11 in awhile) was that Danny was a decent thief who was looking for one more big score before he hung it up. He had the plan, but needed the help of the 10 other specific experts. Now, Danny is so famous, that the plot actually centers around another thief being jealous of his reputation.

Matt Damon's character (linus) was the rookie of the group in 11. But, he had a decent reputation because his father had been a pro. In 12, he starts out by completely kissing Danny's ass, and then has an "aw shucks" attitude with Brad Pitt's character. "please let me have a bigger role in this thing. I'll be ever so grateful". Where is this coming from? He didn't act like this in the first movie. Oh yeah, b/c this new characteristic will fit into the plot (more on that later).

Wow, i just saw a "commercial" (is that the right word?) for ocean's 12 on hbo and my hate started boiling. I started to think about all the things i hated about this movie, and then i remembered that i had started a rant on it, but got sidetracked. Sure enough, the above was written weeks ago. I can't even remember the movie enough to continue. things are popping into my head right now, but i'm not at all confident that i can remember everything. so i'm not going to try. i can't do it justice.

this move was bad. fin.

the trick is to avoid any kind of "original" material. Here is a link of funny stories that happened in 2005. Each one is prefaced with a "clever" title. Ignore it. It's painful to read. But some of the stories are just ridiculous. There is also a 2nd part to this article, and that might be funnier than the first.

here's the link

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=clayton_john&id=2275183

this article was very premature. if i ever sober up, i'll write a rant on it.

Not because I think I'm qualified from a legal standpoint, nor because I think i have the networking/political skills to get apointed. Rather, I think i could make a good addition by the simple fact that i'm clearly funnier than the current justices.

Here's an article on how "funny" the justices are: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/31/politics/31mirth.html?ex=1293685200&en=2d1a77a89002c6a5&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Apparently, some professor counted up how many times a justice got "laughter" in the transcripts of the oral arguments. Then, he looked to see which justice had the most check marks. I'll give the professor credit though, as he admits that his "study" is not perfect in that it doesn't measure the quality of the laughter after each joke. Btw, here's the gem of the article:

The simple notation "[laughter]" does not, moreover, distinguish between "a series of small chuckles" and "a joke that brought the house down." Nor, Professor Wexler said, does it separate "the genuine laughter brought about by truly funny or clever humor and the anxious kind of laughter that arises when one feels nervous or uncomfortable or just plain scared for the nation's future."

Gee, i wonder if the professor is liberal.

Anyway, here is a typical exchange by the wonka wonka justices.

Consider, for instance, the golden opportunity on Halloween this year when a light bulb in the courtroom's ceiling exploded during an argument.

It takes two justices, it turns out, to screw up a light bulb joke.

"It's a trick they play on new chief justices all the time," Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr., who joined the court that month, said of the explosion.

"[Laughter.]"

"Happy Halloween," Justice Scalia retorted.

"[Laughter.]"

And then, the kicker. "We're even more in the dark now than before," Chief Justice Roberts said.

"[Laughter.]"

And finally, i have to include this great description of Justice Ginsburg [ugh, i can't un-italics]

"It is widely believed that Justice Ginsburg doesn't even laugh herself, much less make others laugh," Professor Wexler, a law clerk for her in 1998 and 1999, wrote. "I can attest that she does, in fact, laugh. Maybe not often, perhaps not loudly or with great vigor and the wild waving of arms, but laugh she does."

then i could have a nice little discussion over House's character. He's actually very morally sound, at least by his own standards. It annoys me that people whine and yell at him when he doesn't bend his integrity to suit their needs. For example, that "speech" he gave for the new drug in season 1. His devotion to what he believed in was very honorable. Eh, what's the point of discussing this? Nobody reads this blog, and definitely nobody who does watches house.

For some reason (maybe b/c their current team is terrible), MSG was showing classic knicks games on xmas eve. They aired a random game from January of 99 (i think. Nelson was the coach, so someone smarter than me can figure out the actual year). Knicks vs. Heat with Riley coaching the enemy. It felt so "right". I could follow the flow of the game so much better than the current NBA. Maybe it was just b/c i knew exactly what to expect from the offense. I dont' know if this game was famous, but Ewing put on a clinic. He used all of his moves and I think this was the point in his career where he redeveloped his power game. It was so great to see Oakley, Mason, Starks, and even Charlie Ward. You know your team is bad when you long for the days of Charlie Ward.

Those Knicks were great. I honestly miss them.

by far, is that they all have excellent phone etiquette. "hold on, i'm going to put you on speaker phone. ok, you are on, and x and y are also in the room". if only the people in the real world could be like that.

83 of 86 people found the following review helpful:

Raise your hand if you're Certain!, September 15, 2003

Reviewer: chatchi (Chicago, IL) - See all my reviews

As the resident pit-stain guy in the office, I was desperate to find a solution to my excessive underarm perspiration. Whether it was being asked to get something from the top shelf -- or the never-ending requests to do the "field goal" signal -- my coworkers shared many a laugh at chatchi's expense.

While it is not uncommon to have perspiration rings under the arms of your shirt, it IS uncommon to have those rings bleed down to your belt. Doctor's call it Axillary Hyperhidrosis -- chatchi calls it "Swamp Pits". My perspiration was becoming so unmanageable, I would wear four (4) undershirts to prevent the stains from bleeding through to my dress shirts. The idea worked, but the extra layers only caused chatchi to sweat even more.

The average adult perspires a little more than one quart of fluid per day. chatchi perspired more than SEVEN quarts of fluid per day. After failing numerous job interviews, and scaring away an immeasurable amount of potential romantic companions because of my mind-boggling sweat production, it was time for me to get help.

My search ended with Certain Dri. This remarkable, non-prescription product is applied to the underarm area before you go to bed. While the concept might seem unusual, you wouldn't be reading this review unless you were used to going to unusual lengths to prevent underarm perspiration.

Certain Dri is applied in place of your regular anti-perspirant/deodorant, but I'd advise still using a scented deodorant every day, since Certain Dri does a less than adequate job of masking the stench. The first time you use the product, don't be surprised if you experience a slight irritation to the underarms (comparable to bathing in gasoline, then setting yourself on fire) -- that's the 12% aluminum chloride going to work. Don't worry, the irritation will go away after a couple of days. The roll-on applicator is less than desirable -- ripping out armpit hairs during application -- but I suppose it's better than those nasty aerosol brands.

Just how good is Certain Dri? Well, the directions say that, when used "sparingly", Certain Dri can prevent perspiration for up to 84 hours after application. I've found that I can literally go weeks without applying Certain Dri, and my pits remain dry as a desert. My confidence has been restored in interviews, and women are no longer turned off by extreme underarm moisture.

Thanks to Certain Dri, chatchi had the last laugh.

but i couldn't find it in my email archives.

I can't retell the whole story, but here are some highlights:

after being on hold for over an hour, i finally got a live person. I told them that I didn't have a computer anymore and thus I had no need for AOL. He suggested that I ask for a new computer for xmas, which was coming up. I told the guy that my family couldn't afford that. He said that he'd give me two months free, and then if i do get a computer, i'll still have AOL. I said that should i ever get a new computer, i'll give them a call and sign back up. He said "well, why don't you avoid all that hassle of having to resign up and just stick with AOL". I said that was pretty funny, b/c I could sign up for AOL on the internet, or instantly get someone on the phone, but when I want to cancel i have to go through all this rig-a-ma-roll. When he suggested that I should still hold out for a computer i lost it. I was apologizing while i was yelling, telling them i know they are just doing their job, but then i screamed "unless you want to buy me a computer yourself, then the next words out of your mouth better be that my account is cancelled. And, if those AREN'T the next words, then I'm going to get angry. And trust me, you don't want to see me angry, b/c then we're going to have problems." That got the job done.

Tony Z, i may have told you that my plans for the NEXT time i cancel AOL was to say that i didn't have any arms and couldn't type on the keyboard anymore. I definitely remember debating using that excuse or even a "i was just told i have a week to live". But, Ross told me that using the political angle will get them right off the phone. I had such a great experience about ranting about politics that I almost want to join again.

Oh how i love thee, let me count the ways

1) You are 5 dollars

2) That includes tax, so there is no change involved

3) You are pizza. Thus, you are just my type.

4) You are right next door to another friend's house.

5) The first time we met, you showed a lot of potential. Slightly undercooked, but there was an excess amount of cheese.

6) The 2nd time we met, you were perfect.

7) Here is a picture from our first encounter.

They said the 4 minute mile would be the ultimate human feat. They were wrong. Despite all the obstacles, I was able to cancel AOL in under 5 minutes. First, when you call their main number, ignore all the menus, and continuously hit 0. Eventually, you will be directly connected to a real life human being. The guy that I spoke with then gave me a different number to specifically cancel my account. Another real life human being picked up. After telling him that I wanted to cancel, and confirming my billing information, here’s how the conversation went:

Him: “so, will you be switching over to a different service”

Me: “no, I’m not going to have any internet, actually, I…”

Him: “oh, did something happen to your computer?”

Me: “No, I can just use the internet at work. Look, I realize it’s your job to try and say anything to get me to stay. But, my decision is made and there’s nothing you can say that will change it. I doubt you want to get into a political discussion, but I did some research and I have to tell you that I think AOL-Time Warner is hurting our country. I don’t want to support your company anymore. Huge media conglomerates such as your corporation limit options, stifle free speech and generally hurt the country.”

[pause]

Him: “well, there really aren’t any other options. Any choice of a company you decide to use…”

Me [cutting him off]: “There you go, you said it all in that one sentence. There AREN’T any options out there. There are 5 huge conglomerates that control all the media in our country. Do you realize how dangerous that is? You control everything, and I, as a consumer, don’t have any options. You dictate what people are allowed to consume and you leave us with no other options. So, if you are telling me that I must choose between one of these companies, I tell you that my choice is “nothing”.”

Him: “Here is your cancellation information. Have a good day.”

[for those of you wondering, I had to go with a playlist of slower sleater-kinney songs]

With all due respect to Einstein and Stephen Hawking, they've been looking in the wrong place for their T.O.E. (theory of everything). If one really wants to understand the mysteries of the universe and discover that one unifying force, they needn't look any further than Ocean's 12. Everything [sidenote: what in the world happens when you swallow weird and your tongue gets stuck to the roof of your mouth? why does that hurt so much? am i creating a suction that is ripping up my esophogus? oh man, that hurt] that is wrong in our society, and the universe in general, is captured in this terrible terrible movie.

Ocean's 11 was a decent movie. Not spectular by any means, but definitely watchable (and rewatchable to be honest). It was the kind of movie that would fall apart if you sat there with a notepad and tried to find plot holes, but held together if you gave it the benefit of the doubt and just sat back and enjoyed the ride. Ocean's 12's plot holes jump out at you and punch you in the face. I can't even tell you how low my expectations were going into this movie. But, somehow this movie underchieved.

One of the many problems with sequels is that the characters usually have to be more "X-treme to Max" in order to satisfy the fans. The funny guy has to be funnier, the dangerous guy has to be dangerouser, etc. etc. Ocean's 12 breaks that mold though. Instead, the characters just act completely different. Was there any mention of Danny being this legendary thief in the first movie? The way i remember it (and i might be wrong as i haven't seen 11 in awhile) was that Danny was a decent thief who was looking for one more big score before he hung it up. He had the plan, but needed the help of the 10 other specific experts. Now, Danny is so famous, that the plot actually centers around another thief being jealous of his reputation.

Matt Damon's character (linus) was the rookie of the group in 11. But, he had a decent reputation because his father had been a pro. In 12, he starts out by completely kissing Danny's ass, and then has an "aw shucks" attitude with Brad Pitt's character. "please let me have a bigger role in this thing. I'll be ever so grateful". Where is this coming from? He didn't act like this in the first movie. Oh yeah, b/c this new characteristic will fit into the plot (more on that later).

Wow, i just saw a "commercial" (is that the right word?) for ocean's 12 on hbo and my hate started boiling. I started to think about all the things i hated about this movie, and then i remembered that i had started a rant on it, but got sidetracked. Sure enough, the above was written weeks ago. I can't even remember the movie enough to continue. things are popping into my head right now, but i'm not at all confident that i can remember everything. so i'm not going to try. i can't do it justice.

this move was bad. fin.

in a commercial for the simpsons last night, the voice over guy said "sunday nights on fox...the only place to see NEW simpsons episodes." There's so much to be said about that statement. Can they really possibly think that all of the syndicated episodes of the simpsons is dilluting the market? ha! Those old episodes are the only thing keeping fans from completely rejecting new simpsons episodes. People cling to their past glory in desperation. "just maybe it might be decent this week". Well, it never is. Their campaign should be "Sunday nights on fox....if you squint hard enough, it almost looks like the same show"

WHAT SENATOR JOHN GLENN SAID

With my comments in bold italics.

Things that make you think a little:

There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq in January.
In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the
month of January. That's just one American city,
about as deadly as the entire war-torn country of Iraq.

Detroit: over 900,000 residents (11^th most popular US city), medium household income is under 30,000, and over 26% of the population is below the poverty line. 47% of citizens are deemed "functionally illiterate" in 1998, and numbers are currently higher. 72% of all children born in Detroit are to unwed mothers. It's the 2^nd most violent city (Camden NJ is #1). There are racial tensions in Detroit and there has been a lot of white flight in the past, which has helped erode the middle class.

But yes, let's look at the despair in Detroit and twist it into proof that the Iraqi war isn't that bad. Let's only look at the number of "combat related" killings while ignoring all of the non fatal injuries. Who cares if soldiers lose body parts or develop illnesses based on our use of chemical weapons? Only deaths count.

A fraction of the money used on the war in Iraq could have been used to help the people in Detroit .

When some claim that President Bush shouldn't
have started this war, state the following:

"Some?" Most of America now thinks the choice to go to war was wrong.

a. FDR led us into World War II.

"Led us into". Note: He didn't start the war. He didn't jump right in. He entered the war when it became absolutely necessary to. Not a moment sooner.

b. Germany never attacked us; Japan did.
From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost ...
an average of 112,500 per year.

Let's compare the Iraqi war (which essentially consists of our army going against insurgents) to a war that went on for years on a GLOBAL scale. Then, the Iraqi war will look small in comparison. Germany attacked free democratic nations. We've always had a policy against such aggression, as well we should.

c. Truman finished that war and started one in Korea.
North Korea never attacked us.
From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost ...
an average of 18,334 per year.

I don't know anything about the Korean war.

d John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam conflict in 1962.
Vietnam never attacked us.

"started the Vietnam conflict". Could that be any more vague? The conflict was already brewing by 1957, and if you look at the bigger picture of the "cold war", it's pretty unfair to put all the blame on JFK. He is a democrat though….

e. Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire.
From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost ....
an average of 5,800 per year.

The issues surrounding the Vietnam war are too complex to just label as this. But yes, I'll agree that there are similarities between Veitnam and Iraq . Shouldn't we learn from our mistakes?

f. Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent.
Bosnia never attacked us.
He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three
times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on
multiple occasions.

It blows my mind that Clinton is blamed for dropping the ball on terrorism, but Bush has never received even the slightest complaint for allowing 9/11 to happen on his watch. Clinton gets blamed for Bin Laden, but Regan/Bush aren't even mentioned? Yeah, that's fair. Hey, how come the writer failed to post the number of casualties in the Bosnian War?

g. In the years since terrorists attacked us , President Bush
has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled
al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Libya, Iran, and North
Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who
slaughtered 300,000 of his own people.

Please define: liberated, crushed, crippled, without, and terrorist. Because the way I see it, those countries (what's the 2^nd country, Afghanistan ?) are not even close to being liberated. Afghanistan is said to be just as bad, if not worse, than it was before, and if memory serves, I think the Taliban is back to being in quasi control there. Is Iraq liberated? Really? The only news I've heard about positive things in Iraq has been from either Fox News or the fake propaganda stories that our government has infiltrated the Iraqi newspapers with. The Bible is perfect b/c it says so, and the war in Iraq is a-ok because our government says so.

How can it be claimed that we haven't fired a shot? We destroyed a country to flex our military muscles. North Korea is an entirely different issue, despite being lumped in with the "axis of evil". Libya and Iran are very complex issues, and we've royally screwed things up with these nations via the Iraqi war.

The Democrats are complaining
about how long the war is taking.
But ..
It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno
to take the Branch Davidian compound.
That was a 51-day operation.

"take Iraq". If we've taken it already, why is there still a problem?

We've been looking for evidence for chemical weapons
in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find
the Rose Law Firm billing records.

Looking for evidence? We were told that they definitely had them and that they could be launched in 30 minutes. Hold onto this lie that we're eventually going to find them. It makes you very credible.

It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the
Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard
than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his
Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick

I wish I could spell that Latin word that translates to "attack the person, not the argument". Ad homonym ? Hillary is a bitch, and Ted is a murderer. I get it. Let's resort to name calling when the democrats attempt to make points.

It took less time to take Iraq than it took
to count the votes in Florida!!!!

Do you really want to bring up the 2000 election in this argument? Really?

Our Commander-In-Chief is doing a GREAT JOB!
The Military morale is high!

When I read this line, I actually started to think this entire email was being sarcastic. First of all, people who join the military already have an extreme view on patriotism and our country. But, even this group's morale has been sinking.

The biased media hopes we are too ignorant
to realize the facts

The media is biased all right. If I was one of 5 huge media conglomerates that generates billions of dollars, you can rest assured I'd put out a message that protected my interests. One of the big 5, General Electric, generates enormous amounts of revenue from military defense contracts. Damn that liberal media bias!

Oh my god, Metzenbaum represented the communist party as an attorney. That means he must be a commie-pinko. This entire speech was just to make us all swell with patriotic pride about how people give their lives for our country. Call me crazy, but shouldn't that be a reason to be extra cautious about determining what they are going to go die for?

How about we thank a teacher by not diverting resources to public schooling and keeping it for your precious private schools? And in what war was "English" on the line? The closest I could think of is WWII, but clearly that was a bad war to get involved in, right?

My George Foreman grill no longer works, so I’m forced to go back in time and cook food like a savage…on the stove. I knew there was a reason why I hate stove cooking, but I couldn’t remember it. To save time, I heated the olive oil on high. But, I forgot to lower the flame before I stuck the chicken in. Immediately, and I mean IMMEDIATELY, the oil start bursting into little bombs of pain. It was so out of control that I had a slight concern over the oil spilling into the flame and causing a fire. But, besides that, those little balls of pain hurt when they hit your arm and face. So as I’m trying to dive back into ground zero to lower the flame, I notice that my suits and dress shirts are dangerously close to the stove (I had moved the rack the other day to find a pair of sweat pants…that’s an entirely different embarrassing story). Since I never ever want to buy another suit again, I decide to ignore the pain of scorching oil and move the rack. But, I had just touched raw chicken, so I couldn’t use my left hand. I try moving it with my right hand, and the entire thing starts to collapse. Now I’m hanging onto the remains of the makeshift closet with one hand, holding my raw chicken infested hand up away from me, and having oil burn into my flesh.

I honestly didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t figure out what the lesser of two evils was. The closet was actually falling into another one, and if they both went down, it would be hours of work. On the other hand, the oil was really hurting. The time it took me to decide proves once and for all that I’m not good in a crisis. In the end, I let the clothes go first. Luckily, it wasn’t “that” hard to put it back together, and the clothes don’t look that messed up.

Lunch, of course, is ruined.

"Twenty coaches voted for their own teams, with none straying too far from the consensus.

Among the notables, Rutgers coach Greg Schiano gave the Scarlet Knights (7-4) their only vote, putting them 25th on his ballot."

I can’t believe I avoided a re-watching of American History X because you were so against the ending. I watched it tonight, and I think you really missed the ball on this one. You assumed facts not in evidence. There are only two major actions that Danny does. The first is to take down the flags in his room. I don’t think this is an unreasonable action at all. First, I think you don’t fully appreciate the impact of the scene at the party. That entire group turned on Danny’s role model / brother. His “friend” Seth pulled a trigger on him, while his brother’s girlfriend was screaming for him to pull the trigger. If I was Danny, I would immediately be against that group. There’s a hiarchy in terms of what people will blindly follow (some freaks call it a council of gods). Danny blindly followed both the DOC and his brother, but his brother would always trump.

Regardless, taking down the posters isn’t completely rejecting the beliefs. First, he could at the very least be respecting his brother’s beliefs. They are sharing a room, and maybe Danny is considerate enough to not want that stuff up there if it’s going to make his brother uncomfortable. Remember, the guy did get raped by a bunch of Nazis. Second, rejecting the DOC is separate from rejecting the racist beliefs. It’s very possible that Danny understood the dangers of being in that group and was deciding to leave it.

The fact that Danny isn’t completely turned is pretty apparent when he learns about Seth being attacked by the black guys. He asks his brother if they should go visit him in the hospital. This is a guy who pulled a trigger on his brother the night before! Furthermore, Danny didn’t change his look at all the next morning for school. He still had the chain on his wallet, which I believe is a trademark of skinheads.

The paper is probably the reason you most thought Danny had changed. But, I don’t think you really listened to the words. He didn’t say that everything he believed in was wrong. He said that carrying around hate is baggage. This was an essay on his brother’s experiences. Is there any question that his brother let his hate be baggage? He spent three years in prison because of his hate. The moral of the story he told Danny was that his hate was baggage. I think it’s very plausible to believe a racist person could, in the course of 24 hours, realize that it’s wrong to focus on your hate all the time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve resolved to just be RVD (wow, I originally typed that as RBV and had to think about his name) at the spur of the moment. “Ok, I’m not going to let this stuff consume me anymore.”. I probably say that once every six months.

I always assumed the last quote in the paper was MLK because Danny says “I picked a guy that you would like.” Well, I had to look it up online, and it’s actually Abraham Lincoln. To be honest, it’s slightly racist to say that the teacher would like Lincoln. He might as well have thrown in a “you know, because he freed you people.” As a side note, I’ve read some very racist comments by Lincoln.

Anyway, if you reexamine the paper, it’s message isn’t “I’ve been wrong about everything”, but rather “allowing the hatred to consume my brother has really screwed up our lives.” A racist could have such thoughts without completely abandoning his belief system.

I will grant you that tearing down the posters is a bit overdramatic, and the tone in which Danny narrates his paper is a little too cute for my taste. Clearly, the implication was there that he was “changing”. Leaving you to assume that makes the ending that much more tragic. However, I think that it’s a lot more open ended and vague than you originally thought. This wasn’t the feel good story of the year, where Danny is saved in the course of two hours. There were three life altering events (brother gets out of prison, brother is turned on at party, and brother discusses the past three years) in the course of one night. It gave the tone of a paper (on that very subject!) a distinct edge to it. Who’s to say that Danny wouldn’t continue to believe in his racist beliefs for an extended period had he not been murdered? You were expecting the happy ending, and then allowed the open ended questions to reaffirm that.

I know you don’t watch movies a second time unless they are terrible, but you should give this another try.

Amazin's hurler's
wife pitches fit

BY ADAM RUBIN
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

My comments in bold italics

Mets pitcher Kris Benson's hottie wife, Anna, is livid at team officials, alleging that a potential Playboy spread caused team brass to start trade talk.

The bombshell wife of Mets pitcher Kris Benson blew up at the Amazin's yesterday for trying to trade her husband - and charged her negotiations to pose nude for Playboy were to blame.

Sexy Anna Benson insisted she's not baring it all anytime soon and ripped the Mets for shopping her hubby just a year after signing him to a four-year deal.

"We would never, ever have signed with New York if they had said they were going to trade us," said Anna Benson, 29.

“we” didn’t sign, Anna. Kris did. The Mets pay KRIS BENSON to play for them. You are the wife of a baseballplayer. You consistently attempt to make money off of his name, and it’s embarrassing and degrading.

"I was Miss [Politically Correct] for the Mets the entire time I was there.

Miss Politically correct posed for FHM magazine and went on record saying that she would sleep with every Mets employee if Kris ever cheated on her.

"I have no deal with Playboy," she said, adding that talks crumbled last month over money.

Sounds like you attempted to have a deal, and it fell through. It also sounds like if the money was ever right, that deal would be back on the table. And, is it a big surprise that she demanded more money from Playboy than they were willing to pay? How much of her celebrity comes from the fact that she’s married to a baseball player? 95%?

The pinup model also blasted the team for signing Carlos Delgado, who she suggested is unpatriotic because he has, in the past, refused to stand for the playing of "God Bless America."

"How are they going to sit there and say it's so controversial when they sign someone like Delgado, who turns his back on our flag?" Anna Benson said.

Let’s avoid the substance of Delgado’s political stance for a minute. The Mets inquired BEFORE they traded for him about his stance, and he said he would stand for god bless America if that’s what they wanted. So, if Anna is going to hold Delgado accountable for past actions, I guess her “I’m not in negotiations with Playboy” is a moot issue b/c she’s already posed for Penthouse.

Now, as for the substance part, I’m not even going to discuss. Delgado is a hero for standing up for what he believes in despite the consequences. He was a free agent last year, and his “controversy” probably cost him millions of dollars.

Still, posing in her birthday suit would be as American as apple pie, said Benson, who once threatened to sleep with the entire Mets team if she caught her husband cheating.

"Playboy is all-American. Everyone from Marilyn Monroe to Cindy Crawford has posed," fumed Benson, who once posed topless for Penthouse. "They didn't turn their back on the flag."

Ugh.

Mets brass have acknowledged trying to move Kris Benson and his $7.5 million salary, and insiders say management is uncomfortable with the prospect of Anna Benson posing nude for Playboy.

Being uncomfortable with something, and trading a player because of it are two different things.

But a team spokesman shot down the trade rumors and insisted there would be no ruffled feathers in Flushing over a Playboy pictorial.

"We do not make moves based on anything the players' wives do," said Mets spokesman Jay Horwitz. "We know she's trying to build a career for herself and we wish her well."

…build a career for herself [by using her husband’s semi celebrity status]…

Kris Benson, 31, had a so-so first full season with the Amazin's, going 10-8 with a 4.13 earned run average.

Why doesn’t Anna address his mediocrity? Or the fact that the SECOND he signed his contract last year, every single GM and fan were laughing about how ridiculously overpaid he was. The GMs stopped laughing when they realized that this contract was so out of line, that it literally shifted the market. Everyone points to the Kris Benson contract as the single biggest reason that pitchers were overpaid last season.

But Anna Benson angrily called the Mets out for saying they planned to build the team around him when they inked the free agent to a deal last year.

"They wanted [veteran pitcher] Tommy [Glavine] to school him, and then they turn around and trade us?" she asked. "The whole thing is upsetting to everybody."

“trade US”??? What? Ok, Mrs. Doug Christie.

The hot-under-the-collar hottie says she's also angry because the couple came to New York, in part, to help 9/11 charities. Some $1 million in Kris Benson's contract is earmarked for charitable donations.

"We wanted to help the city because of 9/11," Anna Benson said. "We specifically did it for New York, and then they turn around and trade us? I just don't understand."

Yeah, I’m sure those charitable donations weren’t made to boost your PR. That’s why you kept them anonymous until now. Oh wait. And I guess you aren’t allowed to care about the 9/11 victims unless you live/play in NY.

And, btw, sweetheart. If you weren’t so greedy, you could have accepted less money and in return the Mets may have given you a “no trade clause”. Are you THAT shocked that a team might want to trade a player? You had the chance to protect yourself, and you didn’t. Good riddance.

Remember, her job consists of asking two questions: one at half time and one at the end of the game.

end of the game question: "Why don't you talk a little bit about, oh, i don't know...the game plan that Tim Lewis had coming into this sucker."

I know Steve claims that I lead an awkward existence, but I’m convinced that the awkwardness finds me. I had a nice little morning planned: I was going to wake up early and go food shopping and then get some fresh bread at Calandras. I was thinking about stopping at Bed Bath and Beyond too, but didn’t know if I’d have time. Anyway, the roads were completely empty and I felt alone in the universe (in the good way). I had a fortress of solitude between my headphones and hooded jacket. I get a coffee at DD and decide to drink it outside before I continue walking (I’m incapable of drinking and walking at the same time as pregaming at concerts has proven).

I’m lost inside a SOAD song when I notice a cop is pulling over to right where I’m standing. I look around, and there is no one anywhere close around me. I assume he’s going in for coffee, but he doesn’t get out of his car. Now I’m a little nervous. Could this be considered loitering? Am I not allowed to drink coffee outside of DD? Ok, technically I’m a few stores over from DD, but that was just b/c I didn’t want to be standing there with other people walking in and out of the store (shoot, maybe I DID bring this awkwardness upon myself).

Anyway, now I’m standing there with a cop car two feet from me. Like Han Solo tells Chewbacca (wow! Chewbacca doesn’t create a red line under it in Word. Man, I wish I could remember the “legal” word that is very common but still not in spell check. I should be offended that a commercial/entertainment word like Chewbacca is in their database), I want to keep my distance, but not look like I’m keeping my distance. So, I make a big production out of putting my coffee down and buttoning up my hood. Now, I have no peripheral vision or ability to hear. If the cop is going to try and get my attention, I’m screwed.

So, after I think I’ve spent enough time “preparing” to leave, I duck my head down to look into his window. With the glare, I couldn’t tell if he was looking at me or not. I looked just a little too long into his window, and since I didn’t make eye contact (at least I don’t think I did), I couldn’t even give a head nod. At this point, I’m resided (word?) to the fact that I’ve completely blown this interaction with the cop and now he’s going to have it out for me. I feel completely awkward, and decide to just make a break for it.

I get out into the parking lot, and OF COURSE a car starts coming. So, being no more than 3 steps away from the cop car, I have to start running. My back is to the cop, and I’m running for my life. I can’t hear or see, so for all I know he’s telling me to stop, or thinks I’m black and is already drawing his gun to shoot me. [it’s obvious that comment is a knock on the police and not a racist statement, right?].

Take a guess how this story ends? Of course I slip and almost kill myself. I swear, I’m the king of the “start to slip and fall and somehow catch myself at the last second”. It’s 8:30 in the morning, on a snowy Sunday morning, and I’m running “from the cops” and completely self conscious of my awkwardness. I’m never leaving my apartment again.