When things like this exist?

http://i.imgur.com/I72qO.gif


Clearly our brains can be tricked into interpreting data incorrectly, and yet we take this unwavering pride in them, as though they are infallible.

[it's not letting me embed the picture directly...i'll try again later. EDIT: I was able to embed a still of the .gif, but click on the link to see the actual motion]

I haven't really followed Late Night television since college, but the Late Night Wars have caught my interest. And by caught my interest, I of course mean that I am obsessed and will read any and all articles on the subject. Color me surprised, then, when I learned that David Letterman was poking fun at Carson Daly and his 1:30 AM show. First, I didn't know even know there was a 1:30 AM show. More importantly, though, was the fact that the articles were portraying Carson Daly as a whipping boy of Late Night and not to be taken seriously. I wondered how this could be possible, considering how successful a career he had had since hosting American Idol.

It wasn't until listening Stern review the New Year Eve's shows that I started to put the pieces together. After bashing Dick Clark's Rocking New Year's Eve*, with Ryan Seacrest, he then went into Carson Daly being apart of a different broadcast. Suddenly I was transported into the last scene of Usual Suspects where the detective realizes that the witness was Keyer Soze. Except in this case, my horrifying discovery was that Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daly were two people.

Did you know that Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daly are not the same person? Because I didn't. I mean, not really. I've heard of both names, of course, but for some reason I combined them into one super[annoying] celebrity. I pictured a career path where a no-talent hack started on TRL, and then moved onto American Idol, where he continued to lack talent. And because he excelled at saying "Welcome to American Idol", this Carson Seacrest fellow branched out into many other lucrative gigs.

The world is twice as annoying now that there are two Carson Seacrests walking around. These people are rewarded for mediocrity. They do not have talent, and are slowly taking over all of television. They are dangerous, and they are multiplying!

*[sidenote: Dick Clack does the exact same shtick every year for New Years. Dick teases Ryan for not having to endure bad weather, then says the EXACT same lines about wishing everyone a happy new year from the bottom of his heart. You can't really appreciate how unoriginal it is until you hear clips from the past three years all in a row]

Attempting to give advice to JD, Howard recently explained a situation where he was awaken in the middle of the night by a wrong number calling. The old Howard, he said, would have been unable to go back to sleep and been furious at his situation. The new Howard, however, realizes that the human experience is filled with situations where you are faced with these "unfortunate" situations, and it's absurd to be angered by them. In fact, getting upset by them is an indication that the person has a God complex and thinks that bad things shouldn't happen to them.

This really hit home for me. Lots of little things bother me....a lot. The subtitle of this blog is about having a "furious anger and murderous rage"! And really, there's only been about two or three really bad things that have happened in my life. Mostly, it's the inconsequential stuff that bothers me.

And maybe it is the result of a God complex. That I sit around and think "life would be fine as long as nothing bad every happened to me...ever.

A couple of weeks ago, a woman bumped into me as I was walking, and as I tried to regain my balance, the wire to my headphones got caught in the door. Ultimately, my headphones broke, and while this was inconvenient (they were pretty good headphones and replacing them was going to take an effort), my rage was disproportionate to my actual inconvenience. It felt like the end of the world, just like it does if/when I spill something on a shirt I like.

I'm not one for New Year Resolutions normally (though, I am rushing through this post so I can submit it before midnight, to keep with my ONE NYR this year), but being able to better tolerate these little bumps in the road is definitely up there for 2010. So, my headphones are broken. Big deal. Buy a new pair, and move on.

Thanks Howard!

I'm finally getting around to watching HBO's presentation of the Hall of Fame concert from MSG, and Graham Nash is ruining the experience. I knew I was in for some uncomfortable awkwardness when he came out barefoot. I'm still haunted by Keller Williams doing the same thing in the first ever concert I attended live. How is someone supposed to enjoy music when the image of bare feet on a dirty stage is so overwhelming?

But let me backtrack. I appreciate music from that era as much as anyone. And CSN are legends. But let's not pretend that they are still cool. When Jerry Lee Lewis kicked off the show, he knew his role. He played Great Balls of Fire, and then humorously kicked the piano bench away. He wasn't trying to rock, he was having a little fun with the fact that he's an old man that used to rock.

But Nash looked delusional out there. An old man in fancy clothes but barefoot. How edgy! And then his singing was the most melodramatic overacting I've ever seen. Eyes closed, over the top hand gestures, and swaying. You really need to check it out to get the visual. Juxapossed against Crosby's stoic presence, it's truly a sight to behold.

After about the third song, I stopped feeling sorry for him and started to feel really uncomfortable. This guy is completely unaware. And he's ruining the music for me. Put some shoes on, and open your eyes when you sing.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/01/01/MN621BB41U.DTL

[the above article, which explains why we should be saying "twenty-ten" led to this email]

Ms. Asimov:

You just made my day, weekend, and year! I've been interested in this topic for the better part of the decade. In the 20th century, discussing the future (whether in movies, news, etc), people always referred to it as "Twenty-_____". However, they failed to consider the impact of the year 2000; people had to say "Two Thousand". And "Two Thousand and One" obviously comes after Two Thousand.

I waited with bated breath to see how 2010 would turn out. I wondered out-loud to friends who, if anyone, from our society was powerful enough to switch back to Twenty. Would it be entertainers on TV? Newscasters (dear God, anyone but Fox News)? Or maybe this was the change President Obama had in mind.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed the Grammar Police would be leading the revolution! Before even finishing, I forwarded your article to all of my friends, telling them that our long nightmare was finally over. Thus, I'm sure you can appreciate my panic when I finally got to the paragraph titled "Maybe not". Was all my excitement premature? Was this article going to leave more questions than answers? I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized that your inclusion of Professor Lakoff's so-called "expert" opinion only hurt the oppositions' creditability. I heartily laughed as you brought the Linguistic professor to his knees using his own words against him.

Nevertheless, Lakoff predicted, " 'Twenty-ten' is gonna take over. It's shortest. It's easiest to understand." (emphasis added). I'm 'gonna' take Lakoff's opinion with a huge grain of salt!

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you again for your fantastic article. It might be a little premature, but you may have already written the most informative piece of the decade. The bar has definitely been raised for the "Twenty-Tens".

Cheers

This is just between you and me, so don't tell Netflix, but I hated (500) Days of Summer. I hated almost everything about it, and yet, I felt the need to lie to Netflix and give it 3 stars. First day of the new year, and I found myself facing a great moral dilemma. I'm still not sure if I made the right decision, and may live to regret it, but it had to be done.

Netflix's 5-Star system is inadequate in terms of capturing the many shades of grey I can feel towards a movie. 1 star (hated it) and 5 stars (loved it) are fine, and even 4 stars (really liked it) is really just "5 stars, but with flaws". But there's a whole spectrum between 2 and 3 stars.

Where does "I watched the movie, and don't regret watching it, but I don't recommend it, and didn't really like it" fit? (The Taking of Pelham 123, Taken)

Or "Wow, this movie was bad, and I know this because I've watched it on HBO three times this month"? (Sex and the City)

Or "Hmm, I think I really loved this movie, but I could see why someone else might hate it" (Funny People)

Or "This movie is so enragingly bad, that I'm going to get out of bed and email my friends insisting that they too watch it so I can have company in my misery" (Bride Wars)

Or "Ugh, This movie is so bad that I actually had to turn it off, BUT, I appreciate the effort and wish I did like it" (Slackers)

Like I said, I hated (500) Days of Summer and hated almost everything about it. I hated how they crowbarred hip music (Pixies, The Smiths, Belle & Sebastian) to mask the fact that they were telling the same old cliched story of unrequited-love. I hated how their attempt at humor involved a 10 year old girl being the "voice of wisdom" for her older brother. I hated the Momento-like gimmick of telling the story in non-chronological order. I hated the cheesy "50's Health Class Video" voiceover. But there was this great scene where the guy checks out his reflection and sees Han Solo wink back at him...

Sounds like a 2-Star rating, right? Wrong. Because if I squint, this movie can look a lot like Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, a movie I really liked. My fear is that Netflix won't be able to understand why I hated the former, but liked the latter. And I'm pretty confident that they won't be able to because I can't do it myself. Nick and Norah was too hip for it's own good, telling a cliched story with an ultra-hip soundtrack. So why one and not the other?

Where's my "disliked the movie, but don't read anything into that" rating? The "failed to execute, but let's not write off movies like that" star? So, Netflix, because I don't think you can handle the truth, I'm forced to lie to you. I'm sorry, but that's the way it's gotta be.

"he'll go months without posting, but when he does there will be a flurry. You'll usually get one really good one, a movie rant, and then some complaint about a sports play"

I'm not even supposed to be watching football this year, as my goal was to become a fan of soccer. But the game's on over my shoulder. I can't help it. Anyway, THIS is why I can't watch this moronic sport.

Green Bay is running back an INT, and at the 4 yard line the guy attempts to dive into the endzone. Of course one of his players knocks the ball out of his hands.

The Packers got lucky b/c the runner happened to step out of bound on the 4 yard line before diving. But this doesn't negate just how utterly stupid the player was. Diving with the ball out in front of you is very dangerous. Quite often, it results in a fumble. And while fumbles are always dangerous, they are 100x more dangerous at the 4 yard line. If he takes a knee, the Packers have 1st and goal from the 4. That's almost guranteed to be 3 points, and likely to be 7. More importantly, though, is that if he fumbles into the endzone, it's a touchback for the other team!!!

No football player in their right mind would dive for an extra 4 yards at the 40. It's too dangerous. So why on earth do they do it by the endzone? For the glory of scoring the points themselves? Disgusting, idiotic behavior. Get lost.

Jamie French (jamie.french@nbcuni.com),

Tomorrow, when the final episode of Kings airs, it will be considered a failure. Kings endured low ratings, was placed on hiatus, eventually banished to a forgettable Saturday night slot, and then ultimately cancelled. However, these failures are by no means a reflection of the quality of the show, its writers, actors, or even the dedication of its fans. No, the blame lays entirely at the feet of NBC for its poor marketing, inability to recognize quality, and its shortsighted quest to focus on cheap and easily digestible shows. Failing to nurture a prized jewel like Kings is an absolute disgrace and yet completely predictable from a Network that once reigned, but now spirals downward into mediocrity. Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.

Perhaps if the marketing team at NBC watched Mad Men on its sister network, they would realize that the secret to advertising is quality, not quantity. Although there were numerous commercials leading up to the premiere of Kings, they utterly failed in capturing the essence of the show. With a marketing campaign focused on the actual monarchy, and the presidential elections having just concluded, I incorrectly assumed that the show was perhaps a commentary on political systems. I hope you can appreciate my shock when I noticed that the protagonist "David" destroyed a "Goliath" tank in the premiere. After proactive research, I discovered that this show was a modern day interpretation of biblical stories.

Please, in your infinite wisdom, explain why this fact was withheld from potential audiences! What a colossal mistake on NBC's part. In case you haven't noticed, there is a huge portion of this country that is religious and would be interested in such a show. Conversely, the secular elements of the story are still very appealing to people who are less religious (good vs. evil sells, period). A proper marketing campaign that acknowledged the spiritual elements of the show, without being too heavy handed, would have created a built-in audience going into the premiere.

Of course, NBC failed miserably, and yet somehow acted surprised when the ratings were lackluster. And even though many great shows (ever hear of a show called Seinfeld?) have started slowly, Kings was not given a chance to develop. Banished to Saturday nights (after a hiatus), Kings was killed before it was even given a chance.

Sadly, for those of us who were lucky enough to discover this show (essentially on our own), the remaining season has been bittersweet. It's difficult to maintain an interest in a show that you know has no future. I have tried to recommend this show to friends, but they are rightfully hesitant to watch. "Why bother, if it's already cancelled?" is the response I most often get.

And maybe that's for the best. NBC doesn't deserve our patronage. It's becoming painfully clear that NBC is looking for cost-effective programming over quality; short term gains over long term success. Shows such as Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and The Black Donellys may have had flaws, but also had potential. However, because they cost more than reality-trash, they were prematurely cancelled. The lack of quality dramas on NBC's schedule has left a black hole in programming, which will now be filled by Jay Leno(!) I will grant you this, NBC has finally found a way to make Jay funny because this decision is beyond comical. This farce is going to be a failure of epic proportions, and I will take great pleasure in watching the advertisers abandon your network.

The days of people passively consuming "entertainment" are short numbered. The advantage of being a Network that gets automatically beamed into people's homes is declining. People will find a way to seek out quality through DVRs, online streaming, niche blogs and websites, and other forms of New Media. NBC is a dinosaur, and playing to the lowest common denominator will eventually prove fatal.

Shame on you for failing to nurture Kings.

...from Brower Commons, perhaps?

when i saw the psp for $110 on dell i emailed [redacted] asking her if i could buy it (yes, i'm whipped. we all knew that though.) she didnt respond so during lunch i called her and she said sure go for it. i've been swamped with work since i came back from lunch (theres [redacted] tomorrow) and we just completed all the assignments so i went to dell to buy the psp. its sold out! i'm so pissed off.

here is the part that really annoyed me. i called dell to see if i could order it over the phone.

as soon as i got on the phone with a real person, the first thing that person asks me is for my address and phone number.

i responded: i dont own a dell or any other product. i'm calling to buy a psp.

he then says: well i need your address and phone number to create a unique identity (or something like that).

me: well, i'll give you my info after you answer my question. do you have any psps for $110 or are they all sold out?

dell guy: you have to first give me your address and phone number.

me: no, you dont need it. just answer my question.

dell guy: i cant. please give me your address and phone number.

me: you know what, i'll never give you my address and phone number or my business.

dell sucks! i'm never using them ever.

---------------

follow up:

same thing happened last week. i went to borders and saw a 4 book strawberry shortcake bundle on sale for 6 bucks. there were at least 5 of them. i didnt buy it b/c i didnt know if we had it. i went back the next day and sold out! seriously! how does that happen? this is strawberry shortcake, not dora the explorer or hannah montana.

My only connection to pop culture is what's discussed on Howard Stern. And since i'm a month behind on the show, I'm only now getting to the Eminem/Bruno thingie. I had a passing knowledge that people thought it was real at first, but then it later turned out to be fake. Hearing Howard discuss it, though, forced me to look it up.

What is wrong with people? How could anyone think that was real?

1) Eminem was mic'd

2) His crew pushed but didn't hit Sacha

3) The camera never cuts away

4) When eminem walks away, not only does the camera follow him, but lots of other cameras are in perfect position to follow him (we, in the biz, call that "blocking the scene")

There was 0% chance of this being real, and every news program (even if it was on E!) should be immediately taken off the air.

It wasn't all the racist stuff Ali did w/r/t Frazier.

It wasn't Ali speaking at a Klan rally.

It wasn't the footage of the actual fights.

It was the interview with the last surviving member of Frazier's corner from that fight from his dirty kitchen. The contrast of him dressed to the nines (bold suit, jewlery, etc) with the dirty kitchen pot behind him is pretty ammusing. Then, to his right, there is a dirty microwave with a sign in front of it. "Do not put any aluminum foil in the microwave". (yes, i had to freeze frame it to read it). And then, i noticed what was on top of the microwave......A ROLL OF ALUMUNIUM FOIL!

From the story of the NYT reporter who escaped from his kidnappers...

“We’ve been married nine months,” Ms. Mulvihill added. "And seven of those, David has been in captivity."

1) Turn off CNN

2) go to http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/

3) hit refresh every 5 minutes.

Too lazy to change the channel after True Romance ended, I left Coyote Ugly on. And while I was getting angry about how bad it was, I had a moment of clarity. There has to be more to life than watching bad movies and getting angry about how bad they are, right? What's the point? Not only should I have known this movie was bad just based on the premise, but I've already seen this movie once before! What am i gaining by watching again?

I was so disgusted with myself that I felt the need to post. But then, a key plot point developed in the movie and my mind melted. Remember how the main character is a good song writer but afraid to sing in public? Well, do you also remember how she first got over this fear? When the cops come to Coyote Ugly, the owner gets distracted by them. And then the bouncer gets distracted. And with the bouncers distracted, the men basically begin to rape some of the Coyotes. And then a fight breaks out. And in the course of the fight, someone gets thrown into the jute box. And that person must have been Fonzie, b/c it turns the jute box on. And a song comes on. And the main character, very nervously, mind you, begins to sing along to the song. And the men stop fighting and raping. And the owner AND COPS, look on approvingly.

Oscar worthy.