So, i was reading the onion at school and came across a GREAT horoscope that i wanted to paste here. but i obviously don't want this site getting out at school, so i didn't go to the site. Now, i get home and read chris' profile. This is just creepy:

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Make the world a better place this week. To do the job right, just make sure the pistol is aimed at the roof of your mouth.
(There you go Dennis, disturbing AND funny)