win a lifetime subscription to this blog

Posted

by answering this seemingly unanswerable question:

how the heck do i fair catch in ncaa '08 (for the 360).

also, what does it mean to push the right stick when you're passing? is it the vision cone, or is it telling the receiver where to run?

i wasted my entire sunday morning googling!!!

Dear Cablevision, please fix your picture in picture

Posted

When I am watching TV, these are the four options I have to put my picture in picture (PIP):

There is absolutey no reason why the PIP can't be moved to here:

However, if Cablevision cared about their customers, they'd realize that there is all that wasted real estate with the SD-bars on the outside:

Now, considering those two above options aren't being used, I KNOW there is no chance of this last option, but it is the most creative AND efficient:

By sliding the main image all the way to the left, you maximize the potential to use the space for the SD bars. You can put a PIP in the upper corner, and then use the lower corner for advertisements, scrolling information/weather, etc etc.

Rhapsody in Blue

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All week I've been trying to find out the name of a song I saw performed as I flipped by the Grammys. Let's ignore the fact that they actually flashed the title after it was over, because otherwise this will become a post about how bad my memory is getting, and that will just depress me. Instead, let me just say that the entire week I was thinking "oh man, I think the only reason I know this song is because it's in a commercial, and for some reason, I'm picturing an airlines".

Well, after finally finding a live blog about the grammys I relearned that the name of the song is "Rhapsody In Blue" and it is in fact the theme song of Unite Airlines. I was, however, SHOCKED to learn that one of the guys performing the song was Herbie Hancock. And then DOUBLE shocked to look him up and see that he was black!

And I have one of his cds somewhere too!

wait, is ticketmaster actually worse than I thought?

Posted

could that be possible? here's a blurb from a foxsports.com article:

As many states have repealed laws banning ticket scalping and buyers
like Nadeau seem immune to sticker shock, corporate America is jumping
on the bandwagon in a big way. One of StubHub's competitors,
TicketsNow, is being acquired for $265 million by Ticketmaster, owned
by IAC/InterActiveCorp, the New York-based Internet conglomerate
controlled by media mogul Barry Diller.

Ugh, why can't i get un-quoted for this part of the text. a;sdlfkasdf. Anyway, if i'm reading this correctly, ticketmaster not only controls tickets when they first are issued, but now also own a company for reselling/scalping? Gee, I wonder if they're going to create a system that slides their tickets to that secondary company w/o giving regular people the chance to purchase them at face.

Disgusting.

Six Feet Under 1-1 "Pilot"

Posted

Six Feet Under 1-1 "Pilot"

No Loitering.

To keep me from sinking into a serious depression, I'm going to have to engage in a one person dialogue as I re-watch this show. At this point, The Wire may have surpassed SFU as the greatest show of all time, but this re-viewing will be the ultimate judge. Watching the pilot after already knowing all of the characters is very interesting. Even though these characters (no. "people" is a better term than characters) are more complex than most people I meet in real life, you get a nice slice of each one's personalty if you look hard enough. The tension that David possesses in his opening scene (where Ruth makes an offhand comment about homosexuality), the self centered way Nate dismisses Claire's drug-inducedfreak-out. It's all there. And it's all painful to relive for me.

From a stylistic perspective, SFU is beautiful. The camera angles, imagery, and yes, even the mini dream sequences, all add layers and textures.

The irony of life and death is never more evident than in Nate Sr's death. As his wife nags him about health related issues (smoking, blood pressure pills, etc), we're shown people who fear death, but don't really contemplate its power. Even if you could prepare for it (which you can't), there's no telling when it will strike. Our subconscious fear of death is always tugging at us, which Brenda aptly points out in her first real discussion with Nate. He dismisses her comment aspsychobabble, but his life has clearly been one long "run" away from the inevitable. As the ghost of Nate Sr. states, "Nobody Escapes".

In a nice little touch of continuity, not only are David's aspirations of Law School mentioned, but Billy's only scene is of him weeping (and wearing a sweater that would make an appearance years later!).

This show screams at us, in a hushed whisper, to stop loitering.

EDIT: THE PICTURE IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAST SCENE, WHERE NATE IS STANDING BY A PAYPHONE AND THERE IS A SIGN IN THE UPPER LEFT CORNER THAT SAYS "NO LOITERING". I THINK THERE'S SOME TYPE OF COPYRIGHT PROTECTION NOT ALLOWING ME TO CAPTURE THE SCREEN IMAGE.

ESPN (via AP) recaps the Seattle/Washington game "memento style"

Posted

Seahawks 7, Redskins 0

{1st quarter score!!}

SEATTLE (AP) -- Todd Collins used a no-huddle offense to complete seven of nine passes, including a 7-yard touchdown throw to Antwaan Randle El on the first play of the fourth quarter, as the Washington Redskins trailed the Seattle Seahawks 13-7 early in the final period of the wild-card game Saturday.

{A description of a drive that started late in the third quarter, and then completed on the first play of the 4th quarter. Please note that this is the worst opening paragraph ever written in the history of the AP}

Before Washington's revival, a dominant Seattle defense was protecting Leonard Weaver's 17-yard touchdown run one play after a successful replay challenge of what had been ruled a lost fumble, plus two field goals by Josh Brown.
In case you didn’t follow that, let’s look at the timeline of what happened in this paragraph:
1) 4th quarter TD by Washington
2) 1st – 3rd quarters : Seattle’s defense protects lead
3) 1st quarter TD by Seattle {Let the time that this happened be represented by T}
4) 1st quarter’s coach’s challenge being successful at “T-1”
5) 1st quarter play that was originally ruled a fumble at “T-2”
6) 2nd quarter field goal
7) 3rd quarter field goal

Washington had been the conference's hottest team, with four consecutive wins since the team attended the funeral of defensive star Sean Taylor following Taylor's slaying in his home during a robbery attempt in late November. But that surge for Taylor met a Seahawks defense that harassed Collins as much as he'd been bothered in a decade.

Naturally (sarcasm), the next paragraph then talks about the regular season streak for the Redskins.
8) Four wins to end the season
9) Taylor’s death which immediately preceded those four wins.
10) back to the game and Seattle’s defense.

Collins, making his fifth consecutive start after 10 years without one, was sacked twice and hurried into throws five other times while completing 17 of 30 passes for 147 yards through three quarters. But then the Redskins' offense finally got into rhythm by using no-huddle, shotgun sets at the end of the third quarter.

11) Collins current 5 start streak
12) 10 years immediately preceding those 5 starts.
13) Quarters 1-3 of THIS game.

Collins' five consecutive completions moved Washington from its 16 to a fourth-and-1 at the Seahawks 27. Collins then threw down the sideline to Mike Sellers, who was a step ahead of Brian Russell before Seattle's safety pulled him down with his right arm for a pass-interference penalty to the Seahawks 11.
One completion later, Collins waited and found Randle El at the 2. Randle El leaned in from there to make it a game again.

14) End of the 3rd, beginning of the 4th quarter

The game's lone touchdown through three quarters came after Shaun Alexander, who hasn't had a 100-yard rushing game since Week 3, spun and ran 13 yards during Seattle's second drive. Alexander lost the ball after both knees hit the ground at the Redskins 17 on a tackle by Marcus Washington, but officials allowed the play to continue. Fred Smoot picked up the fumble and returned it to the Washington 33 before Seattle coach Mike Holmgren's challenge led to the reversed call.

15) Back to talking about the 1st quarter touch down again!!!
13) Week three!
14) TD, after a play that was a fumble, but wasn’t really b/c of the coach’s challenge. In other words, #3, then #5, then #4 from above.
In case you’ve already forgotten, the proper order of those events are 5, 4, 3. He fumbles, then it’s challenged, then Seattle gets the td. Instead of trying to wax poetic about the game, this writer should just be giving us the information of the game. In fact, he shouldn’t even be a “writer” in the first place. His job is to convey information to his readers. If he wants to write Casey at the Bat for this meaningless wild card game, he should do it on his own time.

On the next play, Weaver ran past five Redskins on his first career postseason carry before bulling through Reed Doughty and the pylon for his touchdown with 3:45 left in the opening quarter.

15) back to talking about the 1st quarter TD again.

Seattle made it 10-0 six minutes into the second quarter on Brown's 50-yard field goal into a moderate wind. Brown tied a franchise postseason record for longest field goal, set by Todd Peterson against Miami on Jan. 9, 2000. Matt Hasselbeck set up Brown's strong kick when he beat one of Washington's few early blitzes with a 25-yard lob pass down the sideline to Nate Burleson.

16) 2nd quarter field goal
17) Boring postseason records, with the meaningless date of said meaningless record tossed in there, b/c following the timeline of this mess isn’t quite hard enough.
18) Before the field goal, there was a nice play. But since we’re apparently watching Memento here, we need this information AFTER learning about the field goal.

Hasselbeck's perfect pass to D.J. Hackett, who was well covered on a fly route by Shawn Springs, for a 25-yard gain led to Brown's 33-yard field goal with 4:30 remaining in the third quarter.

19) Now we’re getting it. A nice pass play led to another field goal in the third quarter. Gold star!

Hasselbeck was 15-for-24 passing for 154 yards through three quarters. He had a scary moment with 5 1/2 minutes left in the second quarter on one of the only times he was harried in the half. He fell on his right wrist as Chris Wilson sacked him and forced a third-down fumble that Seattle center Chris Spencer recovered at the Seahawks 12. But Hasselbeck walked off the field apparently without pain and played on.

20) QB’s stats for three quarters
21) Said QB was hurt in the 2nd quarter.
22) Harried?
23) A full description of a play in the 2nd quarter. All the way down here.

He landed on that same throwing wrist last weekend at Atlanta and was wearing a brace and ice on it after he left that game. He practiced with it sore all week.

24) Last weekend?

Seattle, staying with the approach that propelled its season from mediocrity in November to a fourth consecutive NFC West title, threw on 13 of its first 19 plays.

25) November
26) First 19 plays of the game today.

Washington's best chance to score came 3 1/2 minutes into the second quarter when Santana Moss was five yards in the clear down the middle of the field at the Seahawks 30. But just as Collins was about to throw to Moss for a touchdown, Howard Green slammed into Collins' chest. The fluttering pass fell far short of the frustrated Moss.

27) Early 2nd quarter (mind you, 3.5 minutes into the 2nd quarter means that this happened BEFORE the stuff in the 2nd quarter that was discussed a couple of paragraphs above.

Head linesman Tony Veteri had to leave the game after Seattle's Lance Laury was blocked into Veteri's left leg on the sideline at the end of Burleson's 20-yard punt return, which set up Weaver's score. Trainers helped Veteri to Seattle's bench for observation as alternate official Rob Vernatchi replaced him.

28) Back to the 1st quarter. Ref leaves the game after he got hurt on a play….a play that preceded the touchdown run.

Washington showed no early problems with the continuous roar of sold-out Qwest Field, which was louder than usual after comments this week from Sellers. The native of Lacey, Wash., mused that Seattle's home field is so loud the noise must be artificially enhanced.

29) Perfect way to bring the article on home. Discuss how Washington looked early in the game….
30) followed by comments made earlier this week about noise level.

disturbing images from "The Wire"

Posted

The violent scenes don't phase me, but I cringe in horror when the criminals toss their "burners" in the street or people dump stuff in the harbor. There's no chance of humans being able to curb global warming. For every ounce that a good person contributes to decreasing their carbon footprint, you a wireless company that produce THROW AWAY cell phones.

disgusting.

extra horror for when the g/f of the guy in charge of picking up the phones was walking to her car and just tossed her empty bag of chips into the street. Howard went on a side rant on thursday (it started as a rant against irresponsible dog owners and manifested into a rant against all of humanity) about how disrespectful people are to property and the things around them. I don't understand how a human can be so disinterested in his fellow man that he would just toss something in the street instead of the garbage pail right next to him. every time i see someone do that, i die a little inside.

John Paxson defies the odds

Posted

There are roughly 120 GM spots for major sports franchises in North
America. There are roughly 300 million people in the United States.
Let's assume that only 120 million are the proper age to be a GM (I
realize that I'm being extremely conservative w/ this number, but it
makes the math nice and easy). That means there's one in a million
chance that John Paxson would possess the skills required to be
considered good enough to be a GM.

There were roughly 30 point guard spots for NBA franchises in the
90's. The were roughly 250 million people in the United States.
Let's assume that only 30 million were the proper age (and gender) to
be a point guard in the NBA (I realize that I'm being extremely
conservative w/ this number, but it makes the math nice and easy).
That means there's one in a million chance that John Paxson would
possess the skills required to be considered good enough to be a GM.

The skills required to be a GM are mutually exclusive from the skills required to be a point guard.

1/1,000,000 x 1/1,000,000 = 1 billion (i think).

John Paxson is the luckiest man in the world!

[that, or sports franchises are a good old boys club]

Albert Einstein, Richard Christy, and Me

Posted

Richard was recently mocked on the Stern show (what else is new) because he compared himself to Albert Einstein. Einstein was known for having mismatched socks and only owning the same type of sweater. When pressed about it, he said that if thought about things like that, it would leave him with less time to think about other things. Richard related to that in that sometimes he forgets to shower because he's always thinking creatively about the show.

Now, even though I would never forget to shower (just the idea of that makes my skin crawl), I get what they are saying. I'm always lost inside my head thinking about things, and while the topics aren't on the level of E=MC^2 or a phony phone call, they are interesting to me. And I don't like the fact that I have to constantly break my thought process just to adhere to societal norms.

Three times a week, my neighbor is outside her house waiting for a bus that she organizes. She's an extremely nice woman. Unfortunately, on those days that she's out there, I have to stop what I'm thinking about and engage in the most mundane morning conversation with her. Weather related conversation. Yes, I know this is crazy weather. It's called global warming and it's going to be the end of humanity! can I get back to what I was thinking now?

I know I'm a "horrible person" for not wanting to talk to her, but I just wish I lived in a society where my ignoring her wouldn't be perceived as a slight. I wish I could just tell her "listen, I recognize your existence and I assume you are a good person. But I have things going on inside my head that are more important than idle chit chat and I'd like to get back to them". Then, two blocks down, I have to say hello to the woman who works at the laundry mat. She doesn't speak english, and I don't understand spanish, so it's just a smile, head nod, and mouthed "hello". but it's still annoying.

I get some serious thinking done on the train. It's a mini fortress of solitude (sometimes crowds make the best isolation....just ask Gatsby).

And then finally, I walk into work and have to go through a handful of good mornings and hellos. Communication should be left for things that are 1) informative, 2) entertaining, or, in certain circumstances 3) things that help the people involved "bond". Everything else is just empty filler that's preventing me from my very important work.

There was an article in Rolling Stone today that set of an explosion of ideas in my head. We'll see if I get the chance tomorrow morning to organize them in my head and make them coherent enough to share with someone else. I'm guessing not.

Quick: let's engage in a lengthy discussion about the pros and cons of a restaurant.

Posted

The Grey Ghost emailed me today. That in and of itself is a story. But it gets better. There was a sense of urgency in his email in that he said "quick, what's the best restaurant for...". i assumed he needed to know right that second, so I rushed to hit reply. A few minutes later he started asking questions about my selection. and we go back and forth a bit. then he's looking up the menu online. then he's telling me about alternatives. this whole exchange goes on for 20 minutes or so.

what was the rush?! he cc'd my home account too, so there was NO chance i wouldn't get it within those 20 minutes (unless i was inbetween work and home).

I know I'm being overly anal about a one line email starting with the word "Quick", but when you only hear from the grey ghost once a month, you need to absorb every detail.

David Deming's oh so convincing argument against global warming

Posted

my comments are in bold-italics.

Article published Dec 19, 2007
Year of global cooling [according
to a presentation to the UN, 2007 is currently the 7th hottest of all
time, and will most likely finish in the top 11 of all time]

December 19, 2007 [this line was true at the time]

By David Deming - Al Gore [implied
ad hominen attack. It worked for any issue that Michael Moore brought
up, so they think they can use it for Al Gore too] says global
warming is a planetary emergency. It is difficult to see how this can
be so when record low temperatures are being set all over the world. [unless
you understand a concept studied in basic algebra called "average" or
"mean". Individual data points are irrelevant when you look at the
big picture of what the planet is doing. See, that's why that
reckless cowboy Al Gore calls it a PLANETARY emergency]. In 2007, hundreds of people died [dang Jethro, that's a big number...how many people are in the world again?], not from global warming [do
you have data of people who died of heat exhaustion, lack of water, or
any other issues related to increased temperatures? No? why not?] , but from cold weather hazards. [so heating the planet is a good idea because it will eliminate the handful of deaths from freezing?]

Since the mid-19th century, the mean global temperature has increased by 0.7 degrees Celsius [I'm
all about the metric system, but I have to imagine he only used it to
make the number look smaller. Fahrenheit would have probably
generated a number greater than one. also, shouldn't we be talking in
terms of percentages of temperature increase in an effort to
standardize the data?] . This slight [please define "slight" as used in a scientific manner] warming is not unusual [define unusual], and lies well within the range of natural variation [please
site the scientific literature that supports this theory. Also, please
explain why you are focusing on what has happened in the past, when the
issue of global warming deals with what's going to happen in the future
if these trends are allowed to continue]. Carbon dioxide continues to build in the atmosphere, but the mean planetary temperature hasn't increased significantly [define significantly] for nearly nine years [the hottest 11 years in the recorded history of the planet have occurred in the past 13 years]. Antarctica is getting colder [one small data point that doesn't negate that the planet, as a whole, is getting hotter]. Neither the intensity nor the frequency of hurricanes has increased. [Please provide proof of this] The 2007 season was the third-quietest since 1966. In 2006 not a single hurricane made landfall in the U.S. [I'm
not going to look up data on hurricanes, but I can spot several areas
where he's probably manipulating the data. First, the definition of
"hurricane season" is probably limited. I seem to remember concern
that hurricanes are now occurring out of the "traditional season".
That's the whole problem with global warming; the current patterns of
weather are changing. So 2007 was below average, but the only mention
of 2006 was that there were no hurricanes that hit US land. Hurricanes
might be increasing outside of the US, or even on the water that then
flow into the US, but as long as it doesn't touch US land,
then everything is alright. U-S-A! U-S-A! Btw, what was the hurricane
situation like in 2005, I can't remember. {sarcasm}]

South America this year experienced one of its coldest winters in decades. [I
should just cut and paste the line about "one small data point that
doesn't negate that the planet, as a whole, is getting hotter] In Buenos Aires, snow fell for the first time since the year 1918. [And
this disproves global warming how? Unusual weather patterns is a BAD
thing. The crops that grow in Buenos Aires have evolved, er, I
mean "were designed by God" to exist in a climate that is traditional
for Buenos Aires. Change the climate, and the crops won't be able to
survive.] Dozens of homeless people died from exposure. [Dozens is slightly less impressive than hundreds, but Jethro is still impressed] In Peru, 200 people died from the cold and thousands more became infected with respiratory diseases
[Warmer weather is actually going to allow viruses to live longer.
Another pandemic is very likely to occur because of global warming]. Crops failed, livestock perished, and the Peruvian government declared a state of emergency. [and...?]

Unexpected [Unexpected because our weather patterns are changing] bitter
cold swept the entire Southern Hemisphere in 2007. Johannesburg, South
Africa, had the first significant snowfall in 26 years. Australia
experienced the coldest June ever. In northeastern Australia, the city
of Townsville underwent the longest period of continuously cold weather
since 1941. In New Zealand, the weather turned so cold that vineyards
were endangered. [Remember jet streams? Think of big gusts of
wind that carry hot air from the equator and send it to the rest of the
planet. Those streams are changing patterns. So places that are used
to warm air might not get it anymore. Let's just say that jet streams
are VERY important]

Last January, $1.42 billion worth of California produce was lost [ok, now you have my attention. Products were lost? that's very Un-American] to a devastating five-day freeze. Thousands of agricultural employees were thrown out of work. [Wow, talk about pushing the capitalistic panic buttons] At
the supermarket, citrus prices soared. In the wake of the freeze,
California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger asked President Bush to issue a
disaster declaration for affected counties. A few months earlier, Mr.
Schwarzenegger had enthusiastically signed the California Global
Warming Solutions Act of 2006, a law designed to cool the climate.
California Sen. Barbara Boxer continues to push for similar legislation
in the U.S. Senate [Ah, so if you support those crazy
liberals, you will be unable to afford orange
juice. And you might just find yourself out of work. and if that
happens, the terrorists win].

In April, a killing
freeze destroyed 95 percent of South Carolina's peach crop, and 90
percent of North Carolina's apple harvest. At Charlotte, N.C., a record
low temperature of 21 degrees Fahrenheit on April 8 was the coldest
ever recorded for April, breaking a record set in 1923. On June 8,
Denver recorded a new low of 31 degrees Fahrenheit. Denver's
temperature records extend back to 1872. [Individual data points, which could be random, or could be the result of changing jet streams]

Recent weeks have seen the return of unusually cold conditions to the Northern Hemisphere. [You had me at "recent weeks"] On
Dec. 7, St. Cloud, Minn., set a new record low of minus 15 degrees
Fahrenheit. On the same date, record low temperatures were also
recorded in Pennsylvania and Ohio.

Extreme cold weather is occurring worldwide [except
when you add up all of these data points and then divide by the number
of data points. When you do that, the AVERAGE is actually high.
Really high.] . On Dec. 4, in Seoul, Korea, the temperature
was a record minus 5 degrees Celsius. Nov. 24, in Meacham, Ore., the
minimum temperature was 12 degrees Fahrenheit colder than the previous
record low set in 1952. The Canadian government warns that this winter
is likely to be the coldest in 15 years.

Oklahoma, Kansas and
Missouri are just emerging from a destructive ice storm that left at
least 36 people dead and a million without electric power. People
worldwide are being reminded of what used to be common sense: Cold
temperatures are inimical to human welfare and warm weather is
beneficial [Because humans are the only living thing on Earth.
Sure, humans might not be able to produce food if global warming
continues, but that just means they'll look even better in their
swimwear]. Left in the dark and cold, Oklahomans rushed out to buy electric generators powered by gasoline, not solar cells [Because they are selfish and short sighted] . No one seemed particularly concerned about the welfare of polar bears, penguins or walruses. [excellent
use of "weird" animals to lessen the impact. The sentence wouldn't
have the same propaganda impact if you had used "fish, cows, and
chickens"] Fossil fuels don't seem so awful when you're in the cold and dark. [see, you have two options. You can either care about global warming, or you can have electricity, but you can't have both.]

If
you think any of the preceding facts can falsify global warming, you're
hopelessly naive. Nothing creates cognitive dissonance in the mind of a
true believer. In 2005, a Canadian Greenpeace representative explained
“global warming can mean colder, it can mean drier, it can mean
wetter.” In other words [#1 way to spot the straw-man? see the words "in other words"], all weather variations are evidence for global warming [see? He turned one sentence into another just by saying "in other words". Brilliant!]. I can't make this stuff up. [YOU JUST DID!]

Global warming has long since passed from scientific hypothesis to the realm of pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo. [Oh, snap!]

David
Deming is a geophysicist, an adjunct scholar with the National Center
for Policy Analysis, and associate professor of Arts and Sciences at
the University of Oklahoma

[I've seen this argument
before. Typically, it will occur on a cold day in the middle of
winter. The person in question will shiver a bit, and then mumble
"Global warming? Yeah right!" Can't argue with that logic.]

I had to remove PoppaSquat's comment, but here it is (ever so slightly edited)

Posted

Well it's clear you don't drag your knuckles because they're so damn hairy.

Um, Jesus was put to death on a Friday, and rose again from the dead three days later, on a Sunday. So I guess because I still have some sort of organized religious belief I am below you and have no counting ability.

I forgot, I'm dealing with a turkey-eating vegetarian who has nothing better to do while getting paid for doing nothing at work than take pot shots at family members.

This is coming from a guy who complains that I have cases of water in my house and I'm contributing to global warming, yet he's happy to partake in drinking several bottles while over. When I suggest drinking tap water, he simply replies "Well, I'm not an animal."

Oh, and what about the 12 packs of soda, or bottles and cans of beer which you stock your fridge with? That concerned about the environment, eh?

It must be wonderful to be you and live in your environmental, correct-counting bliss while everyone around you is nothing more than a knuckledragger.

I'm glad that my "ignorance" is still fodder for your blog.

Finally, a football player intelligently manages the clock

Posted

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3158572

I never thought I'd see the day. Westbrook intentionally went down at the 1 yard line instead of scoring, thereby allowing the eagles to run out the clock.

Of course, his coach overly praised him afterwards, as though it would be impossible for a running back to figure it out. {note, it was actually an offensive lineman who told him to do it}.

How Knuckledraggers measure time

Posted

Let's say that there are two types of work: Type A and Type B. Type A is desirable, while Type B is annoying.

On Monday, in either the late morning or early afternoon, I get an email from a knuckledragger that says "I just got Type A work". On Monday night, after work is over, we discuss how bad Type B is, and he says "don't worry, I have three days of Type A work".

On Wednesday evening, after work, the same person says "you know, Type B isn't that bad, it makes the day go by quickly".

Confused, I say "I thought you said you had three days of Type A".

Arrogantly, he answers "yeah.....Today is wednesday. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday equals three days. Duh!"

Me: "But you said I have three days on Monday night."

Him: "Yeah, I was including the work I did on Monday"

Me: "But that's in the past. Have is a present tense"

Him: "What, are you saying I should have stretched x amount of Type A into another day of work"?

Me: {internally, because there was no point in using these words to a knuckledragger}: Wow, what a strawman argument

Me: "Uh, by saying it makes the day go fast, that means you worked on it today"

Him: Yeah so......

Me: {puts headphones on}.

Point of the story: If you ever get into a conversation with a knuckledragger, make sure you realize that 1) have = past + present, 2) All of Tuesday plus slivers of Monday and Wednesday equals 3 days.

I would be labeled a horrible / insensitive person for having a problem with this video.

Posted

So, a soldier is coming home after a tour in Iraq, and he wants to surprise his kids. So he puts himself in a box and pops out in the middle of a class assembly (?). This is so exploitative both in an individual and general sense.

1) The actual kids are being exploited. Call me crazy, but I wouldn't want my emotional experiences as a child videotaped, broadcast on the news, or even performed in front of all my classmates as though I were a circus freak. The zoom in on the girl crying is just icing on the exploitative cake. That little girl is no longer an individual, but rather a symbolic and patriotic icon. How inappropriate.

2) The rest of the students are being exploited by being a part of this propaganda. Seriously, a school assembly just to make something "heart warming" that "supports the troops"? Only in Kentucky. Unfortunately, the Kentucky syndrome is spreading through the rest of this country. Only the east coast and California seem un-infected at this point....but we are barely holding on.

3) The father is exploiting himself and doing a disservice to the rest of the troops. This video will give viewers that warm fuzzy feeling when they watch it. They shouldn't have that warm fuzzy feeling.....because there are still a ridiculous number of soldiers still out there. This helps us forget about them, and the ones that died, and the 10's and 10's of thousands of Iraqi civilians who have died already. There shouldn't be a "feel good story of the year" in one of the more tragic situations in American history.

American Zeppelin

Posted

Move over "Grey Album", this is the definitive Jay-Z mash-up.

Jay-Z's "American Gangster" meets Led Zeppelin

my own "Knicks in 60"

Posted

So i'm this close to starting to get back into watching the Knicks. And last night, I think I perfected the art of watching a Knicks game in 2007/2008.

Watch the pregame. It's amusing to see the announcers put a positive spin on what's been going on in the past week or so and how they speak positively at the chances of this game. Then, when the game starts, go watch something on your DVR. Come back in in the early third quarter. This will be right around the time where the 10 point deficit balloons into 17. Sure, you will have missed the fans booing at halftime, but you'll get the most important boos of the night....the rage filled boos. mmmm, delicious.

Stick around for the rest of the third quarter and the early fourth. This is when the announcers will start to admit that things are not right with the Knicks. In the middle of fourth, keep the game on in the background, but do something else. Me? I like to wash dishes. I just don't have the stomach to watch mid-fourth-quarter timeouts where Isiah has NOTHING to say to the team. He's calling those time outs out of obligation. Last night I made the mistake of glancing over at the TV and he was actually doing that awkward "swing my arms from side to side and then clap in the front b/c my back is getting stiff waiting for this bus."

Now, when the game is right about to end, pull up a seat and get comfortable. You'll hear comments such as "lowest point in Knicks' franchise history" "loudest boos of the season" and the like. The announcers have to kick it to the sideline guys who kick it to the studio guy and each time the transitions are so deliciously awkward. "let's send it back to that WWF guy for HIGHLIGHTS". Highlights?

Now, for la creme de la creme....Isiah's post game interview.

I don't know if they always did this, but I particularly enjoy the little text underneath his face that says "Isiah Thomas' post game interview following the 105-77 loss to Philadelphia". Kind of drives the point home.

First question: blah blah blah What do the Knicks need to do differently?

There's clearly only one answer to this....and it's not Zeke's "well, we need to move the ball better, and we need to make sharper cuts off of screens". What?!?!? How about TRYING. If the players TRIED, that might make them better. The only honest answer would be this:

"Listen, first of all, we would need to construct a competitive roster. But that ship has sailed. However, we could probably achieve mediocrity if the players started to try. Because it's 100% impossible to win a game if you aren't trying. Of course, the caveat to that is that I can't make the players try. The reason they are not trying is because they don't respect me. Any efforts to right this ship are futile, because I have lost the players' respect. Can you believe Dolan isn't firing me?"

I don't understand how Isiah can get through a practice anymore. Can you imagine trying to work on little things like a new play, or free throw shooting when you KNOW the players aren't going to try during the actual game. I bet Isiah has to be all humble when asks Marbury to do something in practice.

"um, excuse me, Mr. Marbury..."
"what do you want, punk?"
"um, I was just wondering, if maybe, um, it could be possible for you to stand over here so we can try to run this play".
"hahaha....Yo, Randolph, get a load of this guy. He just asked me to do something. Hahah, what a fool".

In other words, I have to assume Knick practices are like the scenes in those cliched "inner city public school" movies where the new teacher doesn't have the respect of the room yet. Of course, in the Knicks' case, there is no 2nd or 3rd act where the teacher wins the class over by "caring" and "relating". Isiah Thomas is no Michelle Pheiffer.

Wow, that went off on a pointless side tangent.

a walk down memory lane w/ Cowherd

Posted

So a coworker *gasp* actually listens to that blowhard Colin Cowherd. It reminded me of this chat I had with him a couple of years ago. Looks like I had "help" from two other friends posting questions....I seem to remember the Buffalo reference being an inside joke about a wing eating contest. The bolded questions came from either two of my friends, or myself. I'm particularly proud of the Ross question and the one from the Clock.

Moderator: Hello everyone .. Colin is wrapping up the show and will be joining the chat room at approximately 1:10 p.m. ET ... keep sending your questions!

Colin Cowherd: Wow! I'm surrounded by computer hackers! It's a dream come true! Anyway, fire away! Good to be here.

Micromick, portland: Colin, are you going to lean on your buddy Phil Knight for a bunch of old shoes to give away as prizes?

Colin Cowherd: Believe me, the calls have already been made!

Elaine (San Diego): Why does larry bowa have a job? What am i missing? The players hate him and the team is underachieving.

Colin Cowherd: Give him a little more time. Remember the Yankees are struggling too right now and Joe Torre could be the best manager in baseball right now.

Tom (jefferson, nj): How has the internet affected your job, and sports generally? It seems like sports programs have to be "more" than just recapping scores since that information is easily available via the net.

Colin Cowherd: Makes it easier AND tougher. More access and more responsibility. I love the internet and any rumors about me and low-grade porn sites are strictly that!

Dennis (Newark): There seems to be a trend in sports reporting (Sportscenter, talk radio, PTI, etc) to be a "personality" first, and be a reporter second. Have sports become a forum for medicore comedians, and if so, what can be done to stop it?

Colin Cowherd: It's real simple ... most people have broader lives than sitting around studying box scores. The more people you can reach, the more revenue you produce for a company. If you want hard core sports, there are plenty of places to find it on the internet. Never make the fatal mistake to think everybody thinks just like you. Those personalities you rip, have five times the ratings of the Xs and Os guys.

Derek (Corvallis): Will the industry-wide work stoppage in the porn industry have an effect on Mike Bellotti's moustache?

Colin Cowherd: I knew a beaver fan would show up on this site! Good luck vs. LSU! I'll be there.

Adam U. (Portland, OR): So what's the talking hairdo..er..Dan Patrick really like? And don't start kissing ass here.

Colin Cowherd: Actually, everybody has been great to me. My show has a different vibe than all the other shows on ESPN. But that's why they hired me. As for Dibble, he's a dangerous man. And I'll leave it at that.

Larry (Bronx): Do you have any listeners who are NOT in Portland?

Colin Cowherd: Frankly the response has been overwhelming. 99 percent of our listeners are NOT from Portland. Remember, we are not on in Philly, NY or Boston. We are in LA, San Diego and 260 other markets. The response from the audience has even surprised management. Best wishes.

Dennis (Newark): Follow up: So, ratings are the most important thing? Doesn't it say something when hardcore sports fans have no interest in watching sportscenter? ESPN has become the next MTV. It's just a matter of time before Stuart Scott joins the cast of Real World.

Colin Cowherd: Your opinion is clearly contradictory to the ratings I'm looking at. Ratings are the truth serum and they are up 11 percent at ESPN on SportsCenter. Again, don't fall for the mistake unsuccessful people often make .. thinking everybody thinks just like them.

Tony (Washington): how are your show ratings?

Colin Cowherd: They don't come out for months.

Shane Breidenstein (Reading, PA): What advice do you have for someone who is in college and interested in working in the field of sportsbroadcasting and sports talk radion?

Colin Cowherd: Don't be a sports nerd. Read about a lot of different things. This network is looking for smart people, not just sports junkies. TV and radio research indicates that the more interest people have beyond sports, the higher the income. Guess what? ESPN wants those guys as listeners and viewers.

PJ (Parcipany NJ): Do you get a chance to listen to any of your peers? Mike and the Madog recently had Michael Lewis (author of moneyball) on and were very disrespectul to him. Keep up the good work.

Colin Cowherd: I don't have the opportunity to listen to anybody. Too busy working on my show. Frankly, listening to other people can be disruptive to your own style. I don't listen to any other talk radio.

Charmc (Daphne, AL): What do you think of Mike Price? The local sports radio station celebrated the one year anniversary of him being caught at a strip club, by broadcasting from a local strip club.

Colin Cowherd: Mike Price won at Washington State. Enough said. The guy can coach.

Lin, Tampa: Like your segement "Expand the Globe". I have one question, how is your work day like? (ie. how many newspaer do you read everyday to prepare the show?)

Colin Cowherd: I have two producers who bring me nothing but material to read all day. Fortunately, I love reading.

Brian NYC: How many games do you think Denver can win against the T-Wolves?

Colin Cowherd: One, the T-Wolves are better defensively.

Dennis (Newark): Last question, i swear... I'm not denying that more PEOPLE are watching espn. But, the came can be said about reality shows. I'm asking if "quality" is even an issue any more in programming or if ALL the network cares about is the bottom line.

Colin Cowherd: Again, your definition of quality may not be somebody else's.

pat park city utah: why do they call thre yankees boston the greatest rivalry in sports when it is 26-0?

Colin Cowherd: Great question! Maybe because of the heightened drama of all those Red Sox losses. I love Park City, by the way.

Maria (Norwood): What do you think of fantasy sports in general? I hate them, my boyfriend loves them, I may dump him because of it.

Colin Cowherd: I have lots of fantasies. Tracy McGrady isn't in any of them. I'm a gambler. I like gamblers. They pick up the check. Fantasy guys argue over the tip.

Louis (Kent): What is with the Mariners this year?

Colin Cowherd: Not enough punch in the lineup. And an owner not willing to buy any. Great fans, great stadium, great city, and really really cheap owners.

Andy (Sherwood): Are you still tweaking the tech nerds on anonymous message boards?

Colin Cowherd: Inside joke. Yes, I am. Thanks for listening.

Thor, Auburn: Follow up question. I'm not a sports nerd, i follow all current events. BUT my degree is in history, nothing to do with radio. What advice do you give guys like me who want to get into radio?

Colin Cowherd: Call radio stations and ask for an interview. If they find your bright and interesting, that may get your foot in the door. Good luck to you.

Jeff (Reading PA): When will u be fired? please say soon!

Colin Cowherd: I have a long term deal. Most of it guaranteed. I guess that means no, by the way, that phone rining is your mother. She's asking you to move out of the basement.

Tyler (Reno): What do you make of the NL West this year? Do you think the Giants can repeat, provided everyone stays healthy?

Colin Cowherd: Not a great division. Like the Padres youth, their bullpen could be a liability.

Josh (Portland, OR): What should the Blazers do in the off season so that they'll be able to compete for home court in the playoffs next year, after ending their 21-year playoff streak?

Colin Cowherd: New coach and a new PG.

MicroMick, Portland: Chad insults midgets, fat people and gamblers... If he is the moral compass for your show, isn't it likely that the whole ship is listing a bit?

Colin Cowherd: What up Mick! Love your stuff! You are as warped as usual! Keep it coming! Thanks man.

Brian NYC: Haven't been able to catch your show yet but do you talk about sports during it at all? Judging by this chat - not so much.

Colin Cowherd: Talk sports all the time .. but try to broaden discussions so that we can broaden the audience. Have a great weekend.

DG (Clayton): Could you take the clothespin off RyDawg's nose?

Colin Cowherd: They guy has so many nose rings you could hang a shower curtain on them.

Andrea (Trenton): Tracy McGrady was recently referred to as a "robin" and not a "batman" by the daily quickie. Call me crazy, but Tracy is a top 5 player in the nba. Does he really need a shaq-type teamate to win?

Colin Cowherd: Yes. Jordan didn't win without Pippen. And Shaq didn't win without Kobe.

Ross (England): You have a great show, but it can be even better. You should be wackier. Maybe some prank phone calls or something. Also, you should talk louder (read: scream). People will think you know what you are talking about then.

Colin Cowherd: Damn! England! We really are making an impact!

MicroMick, Portland: Did you find Marvyn's house of man bracelets?

Colin Cowherd: Yes. Keeps most of his best stuff in the attic.

JON Manteca, CA: Why do you think Warren Sapp made the move to Oakland from Tampa Bay? What's the main reason it happened?

Colin Cowherd: Warren Sapp's a great player but wasn't worth the money. I think he will be a better fit where he is at.

Chicago, IL: Hi Colin. I'm a big fan of ESPN radio and have enjoyed your show since you came on to the national spotlight. My question is, why do you continually repeat segments throughout the day? For those of us that listen for the full three hours, its kind of boring listening to repeat clips over and over. You must have more material to go over in one day than repeat information from the previous day or earlier in the day segments. Thanks for reading my question! Keep up the great work and keep it real! Ashish (pronounce Ahh-sheesh)

Colin Cowherd: Because the average listener on any national show only listens for 20-25 minutes.

Colin Cowherd: We do it just like FM stations. Replay the hits. We have to cater to the 90 percent who listen for 20 minutes and not the 10 percent who listen all day.

Gary - Show Low, AZ: The Show not bad. However, I wish you would stay on a certain topic longer then you do. Example - (You were talking about Kobe Bryant) I was getting real interested, and then all of a sudden, you went on to another story, just at a drop of a hat. (Not Good) in my opinion. I bet a lot of other people get annoyed at how you change storys so fast too!

Colin Cowherd: Remember, my show is on in the morning in the West. I have to touch on a lot of different subjects. That's what the research says.

Steve, Knoxville, TN: What has been the biggest adjustment going from KFXX to ESPN?

Colin Cowherd: Different studio and working with different people. But radio is radio. Not that much different.

DG (Clayton): Colin, you're like the Billy Beane of radio...

Colin Cowherd: I have no idea what that means.

Eddie (Cleveland): You seem to have a better understanding of the industry as a whole than almost any other personality. Why do you think that is?

Colin Cowherd: It's a business. Plain and simple. A damn fun business.

Colin Cowherd: One thing people fail to understand, it's GOOD to have some hate mail. It's NOT good to have everyone like you. Because it means your opinions aren't strong enough.

Chris (San Diego): How does it feel for you to have taken over for Tony Kornheiser? I thought when I first started listening that nobody could do that. You've really pleasently surprised me. Thanks and keep it up.

Colin Cowherd: We have a different show than Tony. That's what ESPN wanted. Appreciate the comments.

Steve X (Manalapan): What's stopping MLB (or any sport) from cutting a deal with a network to get more games on tv? Why can't espn2 air a different game every night. Wouldn't everyone benefit?

Colin Cowherd: Interesting question. Keep your eye on the NFL Network. That may very well happen.

Rich, Milwaukee: They told me to give you a chance. And I am. And you're starting to grow on me. The takes you have that are based on business philosophy resonate with me, and I've never heard them in a sports context before. Do you have any business in your blood?

Colin Cowherd: Yes. I love business and am involved in some ventures outside of radio.

Neil Leesburg, VA: Does anyone else get annoyed that you replay segments from the show everyday? I am trying be be a loyal listener but this aspect of the show will force me to turn the dial. If this segment is so good, change the time you run it.

Colin Cowherd: Read what I said earlier. We play to the percentages.

Michael (Washington DC): Uh, I think your show is indecent and I'm going to fine you 1/2 million. And there's nothing you can do about it!

Colin Cowherd: Is this Michael Powell?

wilmington, NC: Colin, I just wanted to tell you how excellent your show is! I got so "fed-up" with "Mr. Tony's" show, I wouldn't listen to ESPN radio for 3 hours, until his show was over.. But I must say, your show is very good,, more info I hear everyday on your show,, more than Dan Patrick, or any other show on now...Thanks, One question: Why do broadcasters boycott Hockey? NO-ONE! Talks about tha NHL Playoffs, not even mention the scores,, I mean, these are games on ESPN, and ESPN2 ALL NITE!,, and no promotion, story plots, or lines,, nothing from any radio shows?? Is it that bad, I mean, I'm a big hockey fan, and enjoy watching it, but sometimes I think I'm tha only one in tha US watching these games on ESPN..if it's that bad, why don't ESPN just drop it altogather, and NEVER talk about it at all... They basically do that now?? thx

Colin Cowherd: I have my style and Tony has his. But I never try to copy anybody. Some like me and some don't. It's been that way for 14 years.

Thor, Auburn: Whos going to win the National CHampionship in Football next year? And don't give me any favorites i want somebody ranked below 12 in the preseason polls.

Colin Cowherd: Keep your eye on Cal .. great coach, best QB in the nation, if they can get through the first month, they could be tough. Also, Georgia and Purdue could surprise people.

PJ (Oxford): Don't you think that Japanese pitcher who did the gay porn has to be so gay even though he claims he's not. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Colin Cowherd: He's not gay but his boyfriend is.

Michael Powell (DC): How dare you call me out! That's it, i'm doubling the fine.

Colin Cowherd: Sorry, Mr. Powell. I promise I'll vote for George.

Jorge (Buffalo): Hey Colin, Should the Yanks move A-Rod to Shortstop and Jeter to Third? I know A-Rod has more range, but my cousin says Jeter has the intagibles that make him a better fit and SS, any thoughts?

Colin Cowherd: I think Jeter is there to stay. ARod has the kind of physical fram that makes 3B an easy transition. I still think ARod got too much publicity and people forget the Yankees gave away a pretty darn good 2B.

Del Columbia, SC: Nice to get a college footbal guy doing a daily show. With that being said, How do you feel about Lou Holtz being able to turn South Carolina into a winner??

Colin Cowherd: Lou Holtz could be the best gameday coach in college football. He doesn't get mention much because he's not at a powerhouse. But give him a couple weeks of preperation and Lou is a nightmare to face.

Brett: C'mon people are the most honest when their drunk

Colin Cowherd: I always felt Haray Caray was baseball's most honest announcer.

Josh (Portland, OR): Besides the obvious, such as climate, what do you miss most about leaving the west coast? And what is a pleasant surprise in the East, other than large volumes of bread...

Colin Cowherd: Connecticut is beautiful when the sun is out. Much like Portland. I love the West but I felt living in the East would make me a better broadcaster because it would broaden my horizons.

William (Salem): What do you think of the FCC cracking down on radio speech?

Colin Cowherd: Not a big fan of it. Turn the dial if you don't like it.

James (Tampa): POST MY FREAKING MESSAGE COLIN! U IDIOT!

Colin Cowherd: Good to see my brother is keeping track of me.

Rob Neyer (Portland, OR): Stop stealing my fan base!

Colin Cowherd: If this is the real Rob, love your stuff.

Chris (San Diego): Some people said that the Diamondbacks would win the West this year. I know it's early in the season, but honestly, do you believe that will Curt Schilling gone and all those players they traded to get Richie Sexson gone, that they have a true shot?

Colin Cowherd: Don't think the DBacks have enough aces in their deck.

Mike Reston, VA: Colin- Show sounds great.... I have to be a homer and challenge you on your blanket statement about highering from w/ in. The "Fridge" at Maryland has been the best thing since hiring Gary Williams... hey wait a minute...where did Gary go to school?

Colin Cowherd: We are both right. It's a personal perference. I just don't like schools that choose inside candidates BECAUSE they are inside candidates.

Kyle, Blacksburg: What is the name of that book where the students take over Vegas, it sounds interesting, I'd like to read it

Colin Cowherd: It's written by a guy named Ben M. Go to Google, punch in 'Vegas gambling' and 'MIT' and see what comes up.

Maria (Caldwell): I've won the NCAA pool 3 years in a row. Why do guys get pissed when a girl wins?

Colin Cowherd: We're guys. We get pissed all day.

Clock: 15:01: Uh, your time is up.

Colin Cowherd: That's my favorite post yet!

Aloha, Oregon: Do you think the Pac-10 will finally get some love this season? I see a potential of 5 programs being in the top 25 this season. I also think my Cougs will continue on their path towards becoming a perinnial power in the Pac.

Colin Cowherd: USC No. 1, Cal and Oregon battle for No. 2, Washington State and Oregon State will be better than expected.

Pete (Quahog, RI): Who do you like tonight, Boston or the Yankees?

Colin Cowherd: I just like the fact they are playing. This series doesn't mean much other than for entertainment value.

Colin's Mom: Time to give me a back rub hunny!

Colin Cowherd: Ick!

Ross (England): are you concerned by the trend of having sports jerseys having advertisements on them? How many nike swooshes are needed on a catchers chest pad before we say enough is enough!

Colin Cowherd: Advertising doesn't bother me. I would put a Boston Market tatoo on my butt if they paid me $1 million a year.

jAY NEWINGTON,CT: Nice show so far. i might not agree with you on allthings but you at least seem to have honest well-thiugt opinions

Colin Cowherd: Appreciate it.

Brian (Memphis): Great show. Love the coverage from around the nation. Daily football fix is great. Please give some good karma to my Grizzlies.

Colin Cowherd: Tough first round matchup. Love Battier. He's a warrior.

Guy (Nantucket): Vazquez (-145) or Wakefield (+125)?

Colin Cowherd: Don't you know I think gambling is pure evil? Go study!

Rich from Tampa, Florida: Did you ever meet the late Chris Thomas, the WFLA sports anchor from Tampa, FL? If so, any thoughts on the man?

Colin Cowherd: Chris Thomas had more of an impact on me than any TV sportscaster I ever watched.

Mychaela (Madison, WI): Hey, Colin! I wanted to know if you're ticklish and if so, what spots?

Colin Cowherd: I'll be in Madison soon!

Tattoo Artist: Bend over.

Colin Cowherd: Your mom is on line 4.

Tracy - Cedar Rapids, IA: One simple question, why no Hockey?

Colin Cowherd: It gets a 0.6. I love the sport but it's bad radio. It's great in person.

Larry (LA): Are you my caucasian?

Colin Cowherd: I'm somebody's.

Vince (Paterson): What's the deal with soccer? Why does it suck so bad and why do all foreigners love it so much? U.S.A!!U.S.A!!

Colin Cowherd: I love World Cup soccer. But indoor soccer is like human foosball.

bob, newberg, oregon: What aspects made living in Portland enjoyable for you?

Colin Cowherd: Great summers and falls. Great restaurants. Laid back lifestyle. Wonderful people.

Adam U. (Portland, OR): Um...did anyone, um... tell you um... you say um... too much?

Colin Cowherd: Uhm ... no.

DJ (Long Valley): My fantasy team has a rotation of: pedro, vaz, moose, and santana. Are you jealous?

Colin Cowherd: Mine is Elle McPherson and Liz Hurley.

Gotta run. Thanks for the questions!

No, John. It wouldn't.

Posted

on 4th and three, some genius on the Eagles got called for a penalty that gave the Pats a first down. I couldn't hear exactly what the ref said, but the words "neutral zone infraction" were used.

Madden: The neutral zone is the length of the football. So that means that, even before someone jumped offsides, that some part of his body was lined up in that zone.

wow. John could have used any of 4 things to figure out that that's not true.

1) the refs had a long huddle before they made the call. Clearly, there was something to discuss. John correctly said that one ref saw one thing, while the other saw something else. let's combine this with...

2) the replay showed that a defensive player jumped offsides, but before the ball was snapped, his offensive counterpart also moved.

3) John Madden has an ear piece that connects him to a whole slew of people inside the NBC studios. perhaps one of them could have mentioned the rule.

4) he could have just known the rule, like I do. I remember when this rule was added. It was about a decade ago!

For the record. If a defensive player flinches/jumps and by doing so goes into the neutral zone, and THEN the offensive player commits a false start, it's ruled a defensive penalty. By going into the neutral zone, it would be unfair for the offensive player to continue to not move. He's allowed to assume the play is starting. If the defender had jumped, but stayed on his side of the ball (i.e. NOT in the neutral zone), and the offensive player flinched, it would be a false start.

I know this. I don't watch football. John Madden should know this.

Three terrible attempts at advertising (Rock Band, Starz, Sirius)

Posted

1) A commercial for the video game "rock band" that shows neither the unique game play nor the instruments that come with it. It's just the trailer/cut scene of the band on the van driving to their next gig. If you don't already know about the game, then you would have NO idea what it's about. And if you do already know about the game, then this commercial adds nothing. Here's how the commercial should have gone: starts with the video game version of the players on stage....pull back to the game play......pull back to a couple of kids jamming on guitars...pull back to a grandmother on drums. done and done.

2) some movie on starz: the "commercial" is of two guys. One guy names a famous person, and the second guy says "he's dead". Eventually they get to Steve Martin, and they argue as to whether or not he's dead. Then one guy mentions that he's currently in a movie with Tim Allen. "Tim Allen? He's dead too". So this commercial is attempting to get me to watch a movie that stars two guys who are so hot right now that it's undetermined whether or not they are still living?

3) Sirius - Things that used to be used to listen to music fall like a chain of dominoes. Cassettes, cds, jute boxes, lp players, ipods, etc etc. Then at the very very end, they show a stiletto and say that you'll forget how you used to listen (or something like that).

Here's how a sirius commercial should go: "We have 100 stations dedicated to COMMERCIAL FREE music. From genres as broad as "top 40 hits" to as narrow as a station dedicated exclusively to Bruce Spingsteen. You'll have the ability to record stations or songs at the click of a button. We have original programs such as HOWARD STERN and Martha Stewart, we have NFL FOOTBALL GAMES for every team. And oh yeah, you know how mp3 players let you store your music for on the go? We do that too."