TICKETMASTER VS. COACH KRONIC

Coach Kronic made the mistake of trying to fight ticketmaster, and as a result, Rutgers almost fell off the planet. In an attempt to protect students from outrageous handling fees, Kronic Fatigue tried to implement a structure that didn’t require the overpowering monopoly from gauging prices. To counter this, Ticketmaster erased all of Rutgers history from it’s collective hard-drive. Gone were all the scores and highlights from all Rutgers games. ESPN wasn’t allowed to report any of the scores and if people on the street even uttered the “r word” they were beaten to a bloody pulp by Ticketmaster employees. Not willing to see another Rutgers student brutalized on the streets of college ave (other than the ones the Frats try to murder), Kronic reached an agreement with the almighty Ticketmaster. So, as of the 2007 season, it is no longer a crime to speak of the school or its football program. In return for monthly updates, Coach Kronic had to agree to not allow any game by game recaps.

“The lesson from all of this,” said a distraught Kronic, “is that you can’t fight ticketmaster.”

If only he had talked to Eddie beforehand.