Now, i will never ever fully agree with all this "Jeter is clutch, a-rod chokes" rhetoric, but, looking at the stats, it's obvious that Arod does feel some pressure in the playoffs. Yes, he was great in the playoffs in Seattle, but that's a different beast than playing in NY in October. Let's look at the stats.

Games 4-7 of the 2004 ALCS - 1 for 17.

2005 ALDS - 286/312/286. That's a .286 batting average (not bad), but only a .312 on base percentage and .286 slugging percentage. That means he didn't even get an extra base hit in 5 games! He had only 1 run scored and 2 rbi in those 5 games. I can't remember offhand (and i'm too lazy to look it up), but i think he left something like 14-16 guys on base.

He also made a very costly play defensively. There were a few other plays that he couldn't get to b/c of his poor range.




Oh, did I say A-rod? I meant Gary Sheffield. Why does he get a pass? b/c he was good in the postseason back in the day as a Marlin (he wasn't good as a Brave, right?). But i guess being the highest paid* player in the game is a worse offense than actually admitting to using the cream.

*note: the yankees pay more per year for Jeter, Randy, Giambi, and Brown (for this year), than they do/did for Arod.

Current stats that measure QBs are inefficient. Since they don't have 500 at bats like baseball players do, I don't think it's fair to assume that all the luck involved will equal out.

Dropped passes should count as catches.

Long passes that are essentially jump balls should be awarded equal value regardless of whether or not they happen to be caught by the WR (or intercepted by the DB). The stat should be similiar to a pass/fail in that either the pass was put in the right position (where it's more likely to be caught by the WR or dropped than intercepted).

balls that are thrown away to avoid a sack should not be considered "incomplete"

balls that are swatted away or "almost" intercepted should count the same as one that does in fact get intercepted.

there should be some type of penalty for missing a wide open receiver. either by throwing it poorly or by not seeing him at all.

sacks that result from the qb holding it on too long should be different than sacks via a good pass rush.

incomplete passes based on a good pass rush should be less detrimental than other incomplete passes.

yards after the catch should not be nearly as valuable as yards gained before the catch (actually, "up to the catch" probably makes more sense). But, there should be some way to penalize the qb for throwing a ball that should have led the receiver and allowed him to gain more yards but couldn't b/c the ball was thrown short.

if a qb throws a 7 yard pass on 3rd and 12, those yards have little value. its value should be decreased by a lot.

The mobility of a qb should be measurable in something other than yards gained. There is value in avoiding a rush, rolling out, and still being able to make the play.

there should be a measurable stat of pocket poise.

balls swatted at the line seem (un)lucky. i may be wrong on that.

i assume playaction "fakeness" and being able to audible is immeasurable.

anything bad that happens b/c a qb is being hit as he releases is probably not the qbs fault. unless he stayed in the pocket too long.

ignore all stats that occur after the game is a blow out.


[that beer run by miller light was pretty funny. i wonder if all this miller light vs. bud light bashing is much like republicans vs democrats. as long as they are talking about each other, the idea of a third party micro brewery is unheard of]

Ok, i think i covered everything. Well, except for the obvious problem of a Qb's success is so heavily dependent on things such as the offensive line, wide receivers, defense he's playing against, weather conditions, game conditions, etc. In short, since I imagine we are at least 5 years (probably 10) away before anyone starts tracking advanced stats, i imagine it's futile to try and evaluate qbs. Keeping track of yards, ints, and tds is like measuring rbis in baseball. I'll still hold true to my belief that Phil Simms was as good a qb as Montana, but didn't have the environment around him to trully shine.

Can someone please write the moneyball for football already? teams are so stupid. On first down, a runner (or receiver) is gaining yards and he's about 7 or 8 yards into the play. He then stretches to get the first down. Why? 2nd and 1 is the best situation to have in football. If there were an "outcomes matrix" like there is in baseball, you would see that it has the highest potential. You take a deep shot on 2nd down, and if that fails, you still have 3rd and 1. That's money in the bank (especially if you take it to the next level and realize you should be going for it on 4th and 1).

I wish i had a blog at the time, but when I was a kid, i actually saw a 1st and 2 play. I forget how it happened, but penalties were involved. The team ran the ball and got the first down. 1st and 10. They actually thought 1st and 10 was better than 1st and two. And yes, i'm aware that technically a running play could turn out well, but that's notwithstanding.

In conclusion, i think it's more likely to get 1 yard in 2 plays than to get 10 yards in 3.

"when i came up to the big leagues, just about every team had a right fielder who could throw like vlad".


he's now saying one of the reasons for this change is that players don't stretch out properly before the game.

he's never heard of "the neighborhood play". I'm quite confident I knew of it by the time i was nine. What else hasn't he heard of? OPS?

on top of everything they do wrong, during their pregame show, while random stats are scrolling on the bottom, those stats make video game sounds. example: vlad's batting average pops up with a spaceship sound....WHILE THE BROADCASTERS ARE TALKING.

unreal. seriously, every single decision they make is wrong.


btw, the usc vs. nd game was one of the best games i've ever seen.

S = A + W - T +1/2(B).

Where A=athlete W=white T=talent and B=beard.

Nice play be Erstad to get thrown out trying to stretch a double into a triple. Let's see, down 5-0 and two outs. Is getting that extra base really worth the risk? doesn't every 9 year old know that you don't make the first or third out at third? But i guess he was "making things happen" by playing small ball. woo hoo. {also, he slid like a retard again}



bonus comment: i was researching "everybody hates chris" to see if people like it as much as i do, and one of the first comments i saw was "this is the best thing to happen to prime time since 'living single'". That was the show with queen latifiah for those of you who don't remember.

I can't remember. In short, it's the process i go through every night where i lose my memory right before i fall asleep. Here's an example: I'm laying in bed trying to think of the name of the SS that was on the yankees before Jeter started playing. While i'm struggling, all of a sudden, i can't remember what i needed to know about jeter. Then, i forget Jeter is involved and I start struggling to remember what about the yankees i needed to know. Then, all i can remember is that it's something about baseball. Then i fall asleep.

It's very scary and makes me fear having alzheimers.

oprah was on my tv today. She got all huffy about kids being molested, so she started some book of the month club or something. She's got a wall of all the kids that have been kidnapped and molested. She calls it "america's wall of shame." Yeah, it's not like these kids wind up blaming themselves and feeling shameful about it, or anything.

Andruw Jones was on 2nd base. there was a called strike on a pitch that was a few inches outside. Jones shrugged his soldiors as if to say "where the heck was that? whats' going on here".

espn, who did the game!, is now doing highlights and they said that Jones was complaining that his teamate left him on w/o driving him in.

ugh.

also, last night espn news had highlights of a college game. They made a big deal about the bad team turning the ball over. They even made fun of the fact that the qb comes from a town called santa claus and he was thus giving away gifts. in fact, they computer generated a hat for him.

on sportscenter, TWO minutes later, they showed the game as teh good team dominating with excellent passing.


blech.

PJ doesn't know this, but i almost got into a fight at the yankee game. When we were leaving, there were a bunch of people in the crowd who were recklessly using their umbrellas. The rule is, if there are other people around, you have to raise your umbrella so the big metal spokes don't go near people's eyes.

At one point, i became so enraged by nearly going blind, that I swore I was going to swing at the next person that did it. Luckily, nobody came close.

Last week they were talking about LT on that nfl pregame show on espn. Gameday? anyway, tom jackson was going on about how LT gets stronger as the game goes on. Michael Irvin (of all people) jumps in with "oh come on, tom, that's impossible, nobody gets stronger as the game goes on." Tom: Oh yeah, then how do you explain why his stats go up later in the game?

without any pause whatsoever... Irvin: well, everyone around him is getting tired at a faster rate than he is.

wow. How did Irvin figure that out? why hasn't anyone else ever realized that? I mean, other than greg the hammer valentine, it IS impossible to get stronger as the game goes on.

this is how i spent the first 100 minutes of the morning. i then needed 120 minutes to calm down.

Ticketmaster hold ---> (1) spoke to someone about switching tickets to willcall. ---> TM hold ---> she said ok ---> asked to switch the name over to another name ---> transferred to customer service (uh, i have no idea what i was calling first. i was a customer and i was being served) ---> TM hold ---> (2) person tells me that they can't do it. but that yankee stadium can do it. they give me their number ---> call that number, it's not in service ---> go online to find the real yankees number ---> call it ---> (3) guy says i need to call the first yankee number, even though i tell him it's not in service ---> i call that number, it's not in service ---> call the 2nd yankee number again. ---> hold (mike mussina thanks me for calling) ---> (4) person is helpful, but doesn't know the answer ---> hold ---> (4.5) he speaks with his supervisor who told him to tell me that only ticket master can help me. ---> call ticketmaster ---> TM hold ---> (5) speak with a person who tells me that customer service might be helpful ---> connect me to customer service ---> nobody picks up and it disconnects me ---> ticket master again ---> hold ---> (6) another person ---> says it's against their policies to allow anyone to switch tickets over. I explain that I didn't know when the game was going to take place and that I can't make it. She says there's nothing she can do. I ask her if they go out of their way to screw customers. That these are my tickets, and I should have the right to switch them over if i can't make the game. She says to call yankee stadium, maybe they could be more helpful. ---> (7) yankee stadium guy tells me that I have to fax him a signed letter that i'm giving up the tickets and then i have to have a fax of his credit card info. I tell him that he must be mistaken, and he goes to ask his supervisor. Supervisor tells him that that's the procedure for season ticket holders, and that the ONLY way that it can be switched over is through ticketmaster.

You know what, i can't deal with this anymore. I wound up speaking with 13 total people. There's no point in me struggling to remember all the details of every phone call. Nobody could appreciate what i went through. It was brutal.

and it was all for naught, b/c the ups tickets wound up coming. and in fact, we missed the first inning b/c those ups tickets were made invalid b/c of my calling ticketmaster.

unreal!

How could a group of people so obsessed with objective observations and statistics allow their personal biases to cloud their judgment? On the last day of the regular season, home field advantage in the Yankees v. Angels series was still up for grabs. The Yankees needed either a win or an Angel loss to clinch it. Now, the Yankees had to worry about getting their players ready for Tuesday's playoff game, so they decided to start Wright and save Moose. {whether Moose should be starting game one is a different issue}. But, they played the vast majority of starters in the field and only started pulling them once the game was out of reach and Cleveland had lost (thus meaning that the bosox were going to win the wildcard).

[note: i realize this is a lot of setup considering almost everyone who reads this blog follows the yankees, but just in case...]

Now, in the angels game, they were playing the Rangers, who have nothing to play for. The rangers manager, Buck Showalter, was fired from the Yankees in 1995 and apparently still holds a grudge. He sat his best player (Soriano) and then pulled his other good players in the third inning. After the game, he claimed that soriano asked for the day off, and that he pulled the players so that they could get cheered by the fans. This is possible, but I don't buy it.

Regardless, Torre was asked to comment about it and said he didn't think it was right. The vast majority of primates started posting that the Yankees were whining, and thought that the world revolved around them. It was borderline insane.

If this happened to ANY other team, the responses were different. But because it was the MFYankees, they aren't allowed to complain. "come on, they have a 200 million dollar payroll...who are they to complain about fairness?". I was ashamed at such arguments. "if torre wanted to win so badly, he shouldn't have pitched wright!". "if the yankees wanted home field, they should have won on sunday, or any other game".

These arguments are completely illogical and biased. Why should the yankees have to clinch homefield advantage in 161 games when all other teams have 162? I hate, with a burning passion, when people use the "well, if they REALLY wanted something, they should just go above and beyond the adversity". This is the naivity that plagues republicans (just work hard, and you'll achieve the american dream.) Hey, who cares if your boss is sexist, just work harder to prove him wrong.

Why should they have to? Why are inequities and unfairness allowed to exist with the only justification being "well, it wasn't 100% dispositive, in theory it can be overcome". What Showalter did was bad for the game of baseball. There is a goodfaith effort to play the game to win. Yes, in a meaningless game between two teams out of the race, it's ok to just go through the motions (though that's not really fair to the ticket buyers). But this game had an impact on the playoffs. It shouldn't be determined by one team laying down....especially if it was done out of spite.

I didn't really care about the issue at first (though i thought it was wrong). but, after witnessing how biased the primates were, it got me more upset. If this happened to ANY other team, there would be outrage. Heck, I was pretty upset when the whitesox were laying down for the indians, even though doing so hurt the redsox.

About a week ago (and a month into my unemployment), I decided to go back to the single greatest video game of all time, NCAA 2004. That was a labor of love for me. I first learned of the game by reading posts from Chris. Chris had discovered a website where you can write up stories recapping your video game achievements. I agonized reading about him losing every game of the first two seasons he played. I even remember him sending me a video he taped off the TV of some running back running through 4 red jerseys.

So, if i recall correctly, I bought the game while i was on summer break before my last year of lawschool (yes, i know that technically the summer before your third year is supposed to be spent clerking at a firm. but, go back and read the first sentence of this rant. i'm UNEMPLOYED for a reason).

For some reason, i remember being home home when i first started playing this game. And i remember feverishly trying to keep up with the game recaps on my laptop. Realizing that this process was taking too long, i started scribbling notes on stickies during the game.

When I got back to my apartment, I put a lot of effort into catching up. At some point, and I don't remember the circumstances, I lost several seasons of information. That will explain the "ticketmaster" post later on.

The last post stems from my grandmother "cleaning up" my apartment, and accidently throwing out some notes from the last season. I guess that was the last article i ever wrote, but I remember writing a lenghty article on a scandal breaking at RU about reverse point shaving. It turns out that I lost some game and was so upset that I shut the PS2 off in disgust. Afterwards, i felt so guilty about cheating that I gave up playing the game. (other than the 5 hours a day, 3 days a week i'd play with tuna).

Hmm, I clearly have written this rant backwards, as i forgot to mention the best part. Tonight, utterly depressed by the yankees loss, i started thinking about this game. I always wished i had saved the rants, as the website took down my page due to inactivity. Then it dawned on me. Why not give the way back machine a shot. It worked a miracle once (getting the interpretation of 46/2), so why not again?

And low and behold, I found SOMETHING.

all the game recaps are gone, which was 95% of the work. But, the main news articles were still there. So, here they are, in all their glory. Scroll down to the last one first, and then read up.

and ps: i was mocking my readers with the "i promise three posts by the end of the day". I'm sick of you all reading w/o posting comments. Consider yourselves suckered.

YEAR: 2010 REC: 13-0 (8-0) RANK: COACH-3 MEDIA-3 BCS-3

SEASON ARCHIVE Click one of the following seasons below to view its information: Year Overall Record Conference Record Final Rankings Conference Champion National Champion 2010 13-0-0 8-0-0 COACH-3 MEDIA-3 BCS-3 X 2009 10-3-0 7-1-0 COACH-12 MEDIA-12 BCS-12 2008 11-2-0 7-1-0 COACH-9 MEDIA-9 BCS-9 X 2007 7-6-0 0-0-0 COACH-NR MEDIA-NR BCS-NR 2006 7-5-0 0-0-0 COACH-NR MEDIA-NR BCS-NR 2005 7-5-0 0-0-0 COACH-NR MEDIA-NR BCS-NR 2004 7-5-0 4-3-0 COACH-NR MEDIA-NR BCS-NR 2003 0-12-0 0-7-0 COACH-NR MEDIA-NR BCS-NR

J’ACCUSE!" ANGIE

2009 season lost! I never thought that THEY would get to my grandmother, angie, but apparently there is no stopping Ticketmaster. In a deliciously evil coupe, they were able to buy off angie and have her sabatage Rutgers' database. All of Rutgers' important stats are stored on a secure system. That system, if you must know, is randomly scribbled notes on "Darth Maul Post-its". Well, in the guise of "cleaning up", angie must have purposely and intentionally hacked into this system and destroyed the material. This abuse of discretion disturbs Coach K and he vows to pay personal attention to future recaps. He was also embarassed by how well "mudd's" site is. While he thanks Mudd for the compliments regarding this site, Kronic knows that he's been slacking. "I may never get to the point where i'm giving recaps of each game, but the least i can do is give you a glimpse of what it's like behind the scenes with these boys."

SOMETHING WITTY REGARDING GREEK MYTHOLOGY

This reporter wanted to incorporate the rise and fall (and rise again) of the graduating Lazarous with greek mythology. However, said reporter is lazy and tired and doesn't have the energy to look it up. So, suffice to say, Lazarous was touted as the savior of RU football, but failed to live up to that glory. He lost his job to injury (and ineffectiveness) in his junior year. Come senior year, however, Lazarous reemerged as a leader and put up some impressive numbers. He and WR McGuil were able to (temporarily) break all of RU's career records, despite medicore beginnings. Just goes to show you how bad RU was before Coach K took over.

HERE'S TO YOU MR. ROBINSON

There are those who think that Hodges remarkable season should be the top story of 2008. Granted, he did win the Heisman as a Sophmore (redshirt), and he did set the NCAA records for rushing yards and rushing tds in a season. But he decided to bolt for the NFL, so screw him. Let's take a look at the real hero of the Scarlet Knights, Jeff Robinson.

Jeff Robinson came to the Knights at its lowest points. Some questioned why such a great player would come to such a lowly school, but Robinson believed in the system. With Hall at the other bookend, Robinson was able to anchor the defensive backfield of the Knights. He also managed to set the school record for career rushing yards. In 2008, Coach Kronic decided to utilize Jeff solely on defense. The results were amazing as Jeff was well on his way to breaking the season sack record. However, a horrible injury in the middle of the season saw Robinson's college career come to a shocking end. Wanting to see his goal of Rutgers becoming a dominant force to its conclusion, Robinson took it upon himself to train fellow Cornerback Dorsey. With his guidance, Dorsey came out of nowhere to break the sack record himself and become a 1st team all-american. Similarly, Hodges broke most of Robinson's rushing records in 2008.

Refusing to end on such a down note, Robinson rehabbed intensively and made it back for the Sugar Bowl. It was a moral victory for both Jeff and the school. He was the epitome of what it means to be a Scarlet Knight and his presence will be missed.

Here's to you Mr. Robinson....Enjoy the NFL.

TICKETMASTER VS. COACH KRONIC

Coach Kronic made the mistake of trying to fight ticketmaster, and as a result, Rutgers almost fell off the planet. In an attempt to protect students from outrageous handling fees, Kronic Fatigue tried to implement a structure that didn’t require the overpowering monopoly from gauging prices. To counter this, Ticketmaster erased all of Rutgers history from it’s collective hard-drive. Gone were all the scores and highlights from all Rutgers games. ESPN wasn’t allowed to report any of the scores and if people on the street even uttered the “r word” they were beaten to a bloody pulp by Ticketmaster employees. Not willing to see another Rutgers student brutalized on the streets of college ave (other than the ones the Frats try to murder), Kronic reached an agreement with the almighty Ticketmaster. So, as of the 2007 season, it is no longer a crime to speak of the school or its football program. In return for monthly updates, Coach Kronic had to agree to not allow any game by game recaps.

“The lesson from all of this,” said a distraught Kronic, “is that you can’t fight ticketmaster.”

If only he had talked to Eddie beforehand.

THE FUTURE OF RU FOOTBALL IS TODAY (OR LAST MONTH?

Try to follow along for a second, if you will. This “breaking” news story is the preview of the 2005 season. It’s being written on September 17th, 2003. The season was actually played towards the end of August. So I’m in the present (obviously), writing about a future that has already happened in the past. I hate to break the 4th wall down (or, for you netcop followers, break “kayefabe”), but writing for this dynasty is hard at times. I really wanted to play the game today, but I was about two seasons behind in my recaps. So, if this prelude ruins the fantasy for you, I’m sorry, but sometimes I need to keep myself sane with reality. But then, I realize my reality consists of sitting in my apartment writing recaps for a video game and I start to wonder what’s wrong with my therapist.

But enough about my problems…on with the show.

Coach Kronic put his recruiting hat on and hit the road, and came back with a pile full of young studs. With the 13th best recruiting class in the nation, RU looks ready to make the Big East regret their decision. 5 blue chip players will be wearing red this season, along with eight (!) 4 star players. Rutgers continues to become quicker and stronger especially in their defensive backfield. Where as Kronic was hesitant in the past to use his cbs on offense, this season he only cares about one thing: winning. A cheap win is still a win, and this year Rutgers is going to put on a show.

RU KIDDING ME? RU SHOCKED BY BEING THROWN OUT.

The whispers started around 8 am on college ave. By noon, there was a buzz in the air. By 3 pm, students were tipping over the grease trucks in protest. The unthinkable had happened. Rutgers, ranked 40th in the entire nation with a winning record in the Big East and overall failed to make a bowl. That’s not the half of it though. In what has to be one of the most shocking events since the ending of Usual Suspects, Rutgers University has been thrown out of the Big East and replaced by Connecticut.

Kronic Fatigue was not available for comment. The one reporter who was able to track down Coach K for comment is still missing and his body isn’t likely to be found. The coach did release a written statement which read in part: “You don’t need to be that commie Steve X to realize what’s going on here. This is a conspiracy of the first order. They are flat out scared of us and what we’ve been able to accomplish in two short years. We will not take this laying down. Next year, we are out for blood.”

What does this mean for the Rutgers program? The future is uncertain, and chaos reigns supreme in New Brunswick.

THE GLASS ISN'T ENTIRELY EMPTY FOR THIS SEASON.

Kronic Fatigue’s first official recruiting process appears to be a success. With their main goal to get faster and more athletic, RU took a big step in the right direction. Blue chipper CB Anthony Baker will help fill the void left by CB#32. Alongside Baker will be another speedy freshman, Jeff Robinson. The addition of two great athletes at the corners will give Kronic numerous options. Expect to see one, if not both, of these guys line up on the offensive side of the ball. Another great addition to the RU squad is left tackle Jason Fritzgerald. This beefy freshman will sure up the offensive line, a problem last year for the Knights. Other, lesser talented freshmen include a pair of defensive tackles and middle linebackers. The one area where RU failed in the recruiting department is at kicker. “Walk on” Wendell Wiley made the team, but looks to have his work cut out for him.

In an interesting turn of events, athletic director Kronic Fatigue decided to schedule all of RU’s non conference games against Ivy League schools. “Let’s be honest, nobody comes to RU as their first choice. This school was the silver medal for a lot of students. And I know that beating the bejesus out of those snobby smart schools that rejected our students will give us great satisfaction. I know that when I was growing up, bullying the eggheads was so much fun. I wouldn’t have traded it for the world.”

Of course, there is always the chance that the Ivy schools will beat RU, sending its students even further into depression. If that’s the case, at least business will be good for the Knight Club and Corner Tavern.

MIDSEASON REPORT: IS THERE A SILVER LINING? NOPE

[This is the press conference that was held days before Rutgers would leave for West Virginia. Much of the content had to be removed, as this is a family website.]

KF: Before I take questions, I’d like to give an assessment of where I think the team is. When I came back to Rutgers as the Athletic Director, I knew I wasn’t going to immediately enjoy the success that I’ve had in the NFL. Granted, I dominated for years and years in the NFL, taking The Newark Heels to numerous superbowls and even the first undefeated season since the Dolphins. But the college game is different and it’s going to take me time to adjust. Some of these formations are flat out wacky. There little differences that are causing major communication problems with my team. For instance, I was yelling at my QB in the VT game to “delta, delta delta!” In the NFL, delta means for the qb to look downfield again. However, qb#5 thought delta meant to hurdle over and over again and proceeded to do so all the way to a 20 yard sack. I’ve basically had to throw out my NFL playbook and start over. In fact, I liked buffalo’s plays so much that I incorporated them in the next week’s game. It didn’t work at all. And let’s be honest, it’s not like I have a Michael Vick to just give the ball to and let him work his magic. But I think we are moving in the right direction. There was a recent poll of Rutgers students and alumni that asked “Do you think our football program is moving in the right direction?” I was very pleased to learn that 17% said we were moving in the right direction while only 14% said we were getting worse.

Reporter: Coach, if I may interject, what about the other 69% who answered with “we have a football program?”

KF: You know, I’m tired of you reporters always twisting the data to prove your point. Are some (most) Rutgers fans indifferent to our program? Sure. Does it make me feel uncomfortable when our home games are marked by awkward silence? Of course. Do I lay in my bed and cry myself to sleep? No doubt, but that’s for personal reasons, not this football program. This is just the first step in the long process of getting RU up to at least mediocre. Where we go from there is anybody’s guess.

Reporter: Do you think you’ll score another TD this season, or what that one play in the opening game a fluke?

KF: This press conference is over.

AS EXPECTED, KRONIC FATIGUE NAMES HIMSELF COACH

Athletic director Kronic Fatigue took little time in choosing who will be drawing up the x’s and o’s for Rutgers. In naming himself coach, Kronic may have bitten off a little more than he can chew. “That’s nonsense,” said an irked Kronic, “Have you ever seen me at a wings eating contest? You’d be shocked at how much I can chew.” On a serious note, Kronic will have little time to get to know his players before the season starts. “It’s tough. It’s not like I recruited these guys. Heck, I haven’t even had a real chance to talk with them. Take CB#32 for instance. To me, he’s just a position and a number. But that’s gottta change if we are going to come together as a team. I have to stop thinking of him as a Corner Back who wears the number 32, and instead think of him as an individual, CB#32.”

Speaking of CB#32, Kronic has decided to let him go both ways (calm down homophobes, we are talking offense and defense here) and will start him at tailback. “It’s an honor,” said CB#32, “in fact, the guys have been teasing me in the locker room and have nicknamed me RB#32.” On the record, Kronic says that this will give RU an added weapon on offense. However, reliable sources have said that Kronic has unofficially stated that his real reason is, “Well, we have one friggin good player on the entire roster, of course I’m going to ride that horse until he’s dead.” Today’s final practice concluded with Kronic giving a speech about how there is no I in team.

SPORTS WORLD COLLECTIVELY GASPS IN AWE

In a stunning turn of events, Madden legend "Kronic Fatigue" has decided to leave the safe confines of the NFL and venture into the uncharted realm of college football. It appears that Kronic was so disgusted by "dmbblows" performance running their alma mata, "Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey, for registration information, press one, for grade inquiry, press..." that he had to come back and right the ship.

"It's great to be back" said Kronic, as he was ordering extra hot sauce on his Fat Mr. C with egg (hold the rabbit food). "Hopefully, I'll turn this program around, but I may have to tear it down first...Hey, I said no lettuce!" Kronic is going to have his work cut out for him though, as he's never coached on the college level. In fact, he's only played 3 college games in his entire career, and that was while he was very very drunk. Nevertheless, Kronic's extreme confidence and utter lack of a life will be a deadly combination for RU.

The only thing that can come between Kronic and the championship now is the fact that he doesn't drive and needs his mom to pick up the game for him.

i can't believe this espn article goes on and on about how people are standing up for the recently fired cincy coach w/o mentioning WHY he was fired. read the article and tell me that there isn't a missing paragraph just screaming out there. in theory, i could click on the "also see" articles, but no, they will not trick me into giving them more hits.

Next time you get a list of those "weird" laws that some states haves, i'll bet you see this one:

washington state - it is illegal to urinate into a container and throw it out your window while driving [paraphrased].

and we'll all chuckle and wonder why that's a law. Well, they had a segment last night where they interviewed a truck driver. See, for some reasons, these people think it's perfectly ok to urinate in their water bottles and then throw them out into the street. that's clearly one of the most disgusting things i've ever heard. even if you can't stop b/c you are pressed for time, why can't you just leave the bottle in the car and throw it out at an appropriate time? it's not a ticking bomb.

Anyway, washington has outlawed this practice. Whle the law may appear weird on its surface, it makes perfect sense. I imagine most of the other laws that we see on those chain mails are the same thing.

i'm embarassed that i haven't posted in a week. three posts tonight, i promise. and no, this one doesn't count.

i really felt awkward during the emmys when they wouldn't stop clapping and dan rather had to keep standing there saying "Thank you". he said it 10-15 times. i felt bad for him.

we have this dvd at home that's like a board game. On the back cover, they have a picture of two fake teams playing the game. The woman on the losing team is shrugging her shoulders with a "aw shucks" expression. It makes me very uncomfortable. who needs this advertising? look, fake people are enjoying the game, let's get it.

while i have this open, here's my 5th or so question to adam:

Hey, i like the new format of your show. it's very fresh. It sort of looks like last week's episode of Daily Show. Oh, wait a second, i get it. they bumped you out of the time slot so they could air RERUNS of another show. Ouch.

there's not much time left for this show. they already took away the studio audience and his timeslot after daily show. they are actually running old daily shows after it!

so, we should ask adam questions to try and get on the show. here's my first one

"Adam, ever been to a comedy club where the comedian was really bombing? Doesn't it make you feel very uncomfortable to see him or her struggle so awkwardly?

Well, that's how i feel for 30 minutes a night everytime you are on. We've developed a drinking game where we take a shot everytime you end an awkward joke with "Alll----riigght. Let's move on".

Last night provided one of the worst moments in tv history: Adam - hey roseanne, i could be on your show in the future. roseanne - i don't have a show. adam - oh, sorry.

Your show litterally makes my skin crawl. "

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/too_late_with_adam_carolla/extras/questions.jhtml

I can't believe I forgot the biggest reason I hate Favre. And i'm equally disapointed that it took Steven A. Smith to remind me (and to be honest, he was the first one to bring it to my attention a few months ago). Favre, in all his magnificant arrogance, sold out his wide receiver Javon Walker in the offseason.

Walker was holding out in an attempt to renegotiate his contract. Now, whether or not it's "fair" that a player refuses to honor a contract that he signed in good faith is another issue. I will say that it becomes almost legitimized by the simple fact that "everyone does it". When a contract is signed, it's with the understanding that the team will eventually cut the player and not honor the contract, and that the player, should he exceed their expectations, will probably hold out and seek more money.

Well, that's exactly what Walker did. But Favre, the ultimate team player (and by team, i mean selfish), doesn't care about Walker's situation. All he cares about is winning right now, before he retires. So, he goes on record saying Walker isn't worth the extra money and that he needs to be in camp. What a teamate! If Favre says "walker has been a loyal player through the years, he's a great asset to the team, and the Packers need to get a deal done", everything changes.

As it turns out, Walker reports to camp, and tears his ACL in the first game. He's out for the year, and his future is in doubt. Favre must be heartbroken....because obviously the packers' will only exist in this year, and the future means nothings to him.

I've always been jealous of smokers; they get to "do something" while waiting for the bus. While I just awkwardly stand there and stare off into space, they get to fidget with their cigarettes.

Whenever I'm put in a socially awkward eating experience, I choose a meal that has french fries. Group lunches, etc etc. The great thing about frenchfries is that I can pace the speed of my meal with them. I normally eat way too fast, and that could make the meal even more awkward. With frenchfries, i can pretend like i'm eating when i'm really not.

they are also a good safe bet if you go to a place that seems pricey and/or the portions might be small. even a weak meal can become satisfactory with fries on the side.

So, Bonds flat out refuses to play day games after night games. I understand that his body needs rest, but this is a three game series with the division leading Padres. These are the most important games of the season. He should be playing. Or at least pinch hitting.

In the 6th inning, down 2-1 (or 3-2, i can't remember), the giants loaded the bases with one out. Due up was the left fielder, lopez. Bonds was on the bench. Wouldn't it make sense to pinch hit him there? A single takes the lead. A walk ties the game.

But they don't pinch hit him. And the giants don't score a run. It turns out the giants wind up taking the lead in the 8th, only to blow it in the 9th. But that doesn't negate the fact that they squandered a golden opportunity in the 6th.

I'm also perplexed as to the fact that bonds DID wind up pinch hitting, but later in the game. I don't know what the circumstances were, but i doubt it was as good as bases loaded w/ 1 out. I guess Alou only uses his closers with 3 runs lead in the 9th, and the greatest hitter of all time to pinch hit in the 10th with nobody on base.

Ok, so i posted the heinz thing w/o verifying its truth. My bad. But, it's not easy meeting the high demand of my readers. every few days i get a "hey, update your blog" im from someone. Do these people ever post comments to contribute to my rants? of course not. They want and want and want, but never give. So, i'm forced to spew out mediocre work.

I will also say that going back to a dial up has crippled me. It's so painful to go from one site to the other. If i was on a fast connection, i would have at least googled the heinz thing to see if it was true. But this is too painfully slow. So i just have to cross my fingers and hope i don't get caught.

also, i was at least reminded that i forgot the number one reason why i hate favre. to be continued.

I've been a packers' fan for a little over a year now, and i really can't stand brett favre. Much like Jeter, Favre is the media darling who can do no wrong. I'm sick of hearing about his leadership and competitive nature. If he wasn't so goodlooking and white, it would be a completely different story.

When his career began, he made tons of mistakes on the field. Because he's white and firey, this was him being over competitive. If he was black, it would have been seen as having a huge ego and/or being unintelligent. Then, he had a nice little run as one of the elite quarterbacks. I will give him that. Somewhere along the way, he became addicted to pain killers. Even his choice of drug was tied to his extreme dedication and competitive spirit. "oh look, he's addicted to painkillers b/c he wants to be out there playing so badly". His "recovery" was seen as a great achievement in personal willpower. puh-lease. Meanwhile, Rickey Williams decides he doesn't want to be crippled at 40, so he walks away from the game. Why is Rickey labeled a pothead, but Favre labeled a warrior?

Brett's father dies at just the right time to make a great story. Oh my god, he's actually playing while grieving. "dad would have wanted me to play". next.

Now, in the twilight of his career, he's being completely selfish. The packers must be "evil" to think that football and their franchise will exist after the great one retires. Why else would they draft a QB this year? Shoot, they should just pack up their stuff and go home. The packers can't exist without Favre. right? And Favre, to his credit, has refused to take his replacment under his wing. The announcers yesterday said it was "noble" of Brett to not teach this kid how to be a QB. "Brett is only concerned about winning championships. and this kid is not going to help brett win. Heck, the Packers should be embarassed that they went and drafted him. They should be trying to win it all now for Brett's sake".

If brett only cares about winning now, and doesn't even have the slightest interest in the future, then he's more selfish than i thought. Yes, of course he wants to win while he's still playing. That's natural. But it sounds like he has NO loyalty to the franchise. He only cares about himself. What happens next year to the rest of his teamates when they have a QB out there who has no idea what he's doing.

When asked about the young qb, brett said "he can do what everyone else does....he can watch me play and learn from that". atta' boy brett.

If Brett Favre was black, he wouldn't be allowed to make such statements w/o being destroyed by the media.

"In the early 1940s, Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted only of little pasta swastikas."

"A ten year old mattress weighs double what it did when it was new, because of the -ahem- debris which is absorbed through the years. That debris includes dust mites (their droppings and their decaying bodies), mold, millions of dead skin cells, dandruff, animal and human hair, secretions, excretions, lint, pollen, dust, soil, sand and a lot of perspiration, of which the average person loses a quart per day. Good night!"

1671: François Vatel, chef to Louis XIV committed suicide because his seafood order was late and he couldn't stand the shame of a postponed meal. His body was discovered by an aide, sent to tell him of the arrival of the fish.

I have just discovered that wendys has two sauces that i was previously unaware of: heartland ranch, and spicey southwest chipotle.

I had been googling in an attempt to determine if the nuggets are smaller than they used to be. if these sauces indeed excist, then i can't care about the size of the nuggets.

These are 10 things i expect to be covered in it.

1) punting the ball out of bounds - I cringe every time i see a punt bounce around on the 5 yard line only to have it roll into the endzone for a touchback. Am i the only one who realizes that a football is an odd shape, and predicting how it will bounce is difficult?

Punters should angle the ball out of bounds, end of story. Imagine that from the 1 yard line to about the 5 or 6 is like a field goal post. I think punters would have no trouble maintaining this level of accuracy when kicking the ball out of bounds. This eliminates any threat of a touchback. And when you aren't close enough to be concerned about a touchback, kicking it out of bounds eliminates any chance of a return while only cutting a few yards off of the distance.

2) staying in bounds when you are running out out the clock - it's very sad that I'm better at clock management than 95% of the nfl (and college) b/c i play madden football. I can't even tell you how many times a team with the lead will run the ball, only to have the RB go out of bounds. When a rb finds himself getting near the sideline, he should litterally fall down in bounds. Look no further than the RU game last week as an example. Their FB was gaining impressive chunks of yards, but was running out of bounds while doing it.

3) offenses should call their plays at the line - Defenses are much more specialized than offenses. The drawback of not being able to get a new offensive package in is less than the benefit of forcing the same defense to stay in there. You don't necessarily need to a hurry up offense, but at least get to the line and be ready to go. This will also make sure that..

4) never ever have a delay of game - there's just no excuse for this. it's completely unacceptable.

5) running the ball is overated - a short passing game is like a running game in that it decreases the dangers of the interception, but has more upside in that the average yards per pass is generally higher than a run.

...to be continued, i have a much more important post to write about.

Do normal people develop intense rivalries with perfect strangers? Here's what happened to me yesterday, while waiting to get my bloodwork done.

I'm sitting in the waiting area staring mindlessly into space. I see an older woman (mid 50's) come in and go to the reception desk of the hospital. She very rudley announces that she's here for her own bloodwork, and that she also has her husband's ____ (i think medication, but i'm not sure) in this paper bag. The recpetionist asks a series of standard questions, to which the womanly rudly answers each time with "it's all in the bag. yes of course, it's in the bag. like i said, everything you need is in the bag".

This woman thinks she's too good to have these questions asked of her. Apparently, the receptionist is unable to see this woman's innate greatness and ability to properly prepare. The woman clearly has everything under control. How dare this peon question her in such a mannor!

And then we get to question 5. "oh, i didn't know I needed that." Right then and there i wanted to go up to the woman and point out how foolish she should feel. After all her indignation, it turns out that she wasn't perfect. That she needed these questions to be asked of her. A little smirk creeped up on my face.

that smirk turned into a ear to ear grin when the woman struggled to find this mystery card. She went through her purse's rack of cards once....and then twice. Then she did it backwards. I could tell she was very stressed out, and when she looked at me, i didn't avert my eyes. I stared daggers through her. Finally, she had to take the rack out of her purse, dump all the cards out onto the table, and go through them one by one.

Victory was mine! or so i thought.

She wound up sitting behind me in the waiting area, and bumped into her pregnant friend. Her conversation was so whiny and grating that i had to assume she was doing it just to spite me. There was actually one part that was so akward that i had to squirm in my seat. She mentioned to the pregnant woman that her friend works as a private child care taker. The pregnant woman gave the standard "oh, i'll have to consider that" but the woman went on the offensive. I can't imagine being strongarmed into giving your child to a stranger, but this pregnant woman came very close. Very very awkward.

Then, the woman started complaining about how long we were waiting. Yes, we were waiting a long time, but hearing her whine about it was not making things better.

What we didn't know was that they were going to call us in as a group. My name gets called, and i stand up against the wall. She gets called a person or two later and joins the group. As the nurse is still calling other people this woman interupts her and asks "where do you want us to go?" Clearly, AFTER the entire group gets called up, we'll be given our final destination, but this woman just can't wait. As we start walking, she litterally bumps into an 80 year old man and she worms her way to the front of the pack.

I came very close to stating "make sure this woman goes first, she's clearly more important than the rest of us", but i didn't have any confidence that my audience would understand the irony of that comment (they were mainly old men). I felt like i had lost the war when she was given the first seat to the right, and i was the only person left standing w/o a seat.

But then a glorious thing happened. the woman in the seat all the way to the left was done and free to leave. I was given her seat. And then, the nurse started working her way down the row....left to right.

Yes, I was first, and she was last. After i was bandaged up, i made a point of thanking the nurse for being taking me so quickly while looking at the woman fuming in her seat all the way at the end.

don't get me wrong, i like croutons. but they are inefficient and imperfect. When i'm having something that is mixed, whether it's a salad, macaroni and peas, cereal with bananas, party mix, etc, I like to be surprised by what combination i have in my fork/spoon/hand. With croutons, i have to actively decide whether the next forkful is going to have a crouton.

Salads are a "fork-stab" meal. You take your fork, push straight through, and wind up with a mini kabob. Not all meals are like this, so i need you to actually visualize that. But you can't stab a crouton under normal circumstances. If you do, it breaks. Sometimes, if you are ONLY going for a crouton, you can get it if you only pierce the surface. but, to do that means you can ONLY have a crouton on your fork (and you need to "aim").

If you want a forkful of normal salad, and then a crouton as well, you need to stab, and "scoop" the crouton at the end. This is too much in my conscious to fully enjoy it. Now i KNOW i'm getting a crouton. And like i said, i want my mixture to be a random selection of flavors.


And yes, i'm currently eating a salad as i write this.

I think that's the official name for the types of puzzles that were found in the book "stories with a hole". remember those? The man was afraid to go home, b/c the man with a mask would be there. You have to ask yes or no questions to figure out the scenerio (turns out that they were talking about a baseball game and the man with the mask was the catcher).

I really like these games, when they are done right. Too often, they are done wrong. The answer should be the most simple, logical answer. When you hear the answer, you are supposed to think "oh, duh, why didn't i think of that".

I found a website that has a bunch of them. Half of them are good b/c they stick to keeping it simple. The other half have answers that are so far in left field, that i can't imagine it being satisfying. At that point, i might as well just answer the question with "well, this is in a parralel universe run by aliens and where the laws of physics don't apply".

Since the stories tend to have millions of possible answers (if you allow for such lunacy), it makes more sense to keep the standard as "the answer that is most simple and logical is right".

I was watching PTI two days ago, and they were talking about an American Express ad campaign for the US open that featured Andy Roddick. Apparently, Andy got knocked out in some early round and now the campaign is a big failure. The guys on PTI then discussed Nike's campaign from the '92 olympics about the two decathelete guys, dan and dave. They said that the campaign was a HUGE disaster b/c Dave didn't even qualify for the olympics.

Let me rephrase what they were saying, and we'll see if you agree....

"hey, remember that commercial from 13 years ago?"
"of course I do, how could I forget?"
"yeah, that commercial wasn't sucessful".

The ONLY point of a commerical is to force the consumer to recognize your name. THIRTEEN (doesn't it look longer by writing it out?) years later, and we still remember.

yeah, what a failure.

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4134&n=2

I'm going to do things backwards here. I am requesting my readers (all 2 of you), to rant (or rave) to me about the college experience. Specifically, I'm trying to understand what value a college education has (other than the piece of paper that you get to hang on your wall and the line on your resume). I feel like the money i spent on college was a huge waste (and let's not even talk about law school). I feel like i have enough of a curiosity and thirst for knowledge that I could learn independently. Yes, there was an occassional thought provoking professor or two, but i feel like we are all professors and all students (wow, that sounds cliched).

What did you learn in college that you couldn't learn by reading on your own? whether in a book or on the internet? What kind of structured lectures couldn't be recreated in a conversation at a bar?

In my mind, college was 4 years of quasi independence, w/o any real world concerns or obligations. We were surrounded by people our age, and obviously that faciliated finding interesting people who were thought provoking and who challenged the way you went about thinking. But that's not really "college". that's the atmosphere around it. That college ave, not Rutgers.

So, explain to me what i'm missing? Because i really want to believe that college is something more than a scam to transfer middle class families' life savings into these moneymaking institutions.

discuss. PLEASE.

I hope i'm dreaming right now, b/c if that commercial was real, then our society is much worse off thatn i thought.

Two Asian kids appear on screen clearly trying to "act black". they are getting two 40's of malt liquor and talking in slang. Then they see a black guy getting a 6 pack of heineken. They head nod. Then the black guy walks away using a different kind of slang.

Cut to the cash register, where the asian kids are now using the new slang....and of course buying Heineken.

"heineken - it's all about the beer"

Huh? how is it about the beer? it's about the status of the beer. It's about the fact that Heineken is a cool fad right now. It's about how black people drink heineken, and how asian people want to be black. This has to be the most racist commercial i've ever seen.

I mean, if it was really about the beer, are they really saying that by showing that people who were ready to drink 40's of MALT LIQUOR like it?

In the bottom of the 10th, Torre intentionally walked the bases loaded. There had previously been a runner on 1st and 3rd with two outs. In other words, one run will win the game for TB. There's no concern over creating a double play opportunity or anything. It's quite simple: record an out before that guy on third comes home.

He had two choices. Pitch to Huff or walk Huff and pitch to Gomes. There are 4 ways that the runner can score:

1) passed ball or wild pitch. The chances of this happening are unknown to me, but are the same regardless of whether Huff or Gomes is at bat (roughly). Thus, we can ignore it.

2) the batter hits a ball that is either misplayed (error), or a fielder's choice that doesn't record and out. An example would be a play deep in the SS hole where Jeter is forced to go to 2nd instead of making the long throw to first. Perhaps if there was a ton of speed on first, and the hitter was fast himself, then it might make sense to load the bases just on that rare chance that such a perfect ground ball is hit. But, Perez was on first and doesn't have a stolen base all season. Huff has 8 sbs in a full season, and Gomes has 4 since beign called up. They are not exceptionally fast, and this scenerio thus isn't applicable. And the chances of a fielder commiting an error are also probably the same regardless of the hitter.

3) They pitch to huff and huff gets a hit. Everyone knows how to measure the chance huff is going to get a hit right? While there are many things to consider (pitcher he's facing, past performance, etc etc), let's keep this nice and simple and look at 2 stats. His average for the season is .265. Thus, 26.5% of his "at bats" turn out to be a hit. His carreer average is better: .290. So, if you pitch to "average Huff", he'll get a hit slightly less than 30% of the time.

4) They walk Huff, and then pitch to Gomes. Now, even though Gomes is batting .279, one could argue that it's less stable than Huff's .290 b/c he's basically a rookie and thus it's a small sample space. I wouldn't argue that Huff is a better hitter than Gomes....he probably is. But, Gomes doesn't need to get a hit. he needs to either get a hit OR walk. So, looking at his OBP yields a number of .373. Over 37% of the time this season, Gomes has gotten on base either by walk or a hit.

And while Gomes' numbers are unstable b/c they are a small sample size...there's no doubt that his OBP will be higher than Huff's average. Let's throw in the fact that Proctor has control problems and thus is even more likely to walk someone.

If you were manager of the Yankees, would you rather put yourself in a situation where you lose 29% of the time, or 37% of the time?

Torre's decision is ponderous. What's more confusing is why he's allowed to continue to make these decisions.

"According to the new book by conservative author and journalist Bernard Goldberg, 100 people are to blame for the sad state of our country, and most are decidedly liberal."

#1 - Michael Moore.

Doing a little research on the Allan Houston Rule...

[sidenote: the knicks' websites, when discussing Jerome's waiver, dont' even call it the allan houston rule. what brainwashing! but, in truth, i keep calling it the allan houston rule over and over again b/c i want to make sure you all know how ridiculous it is that they didn't use the allan houston rule on allan houston]

...and I came across this little gem of a quote

“You’ve heard the mantra before in terms of getting younger and more athletic,” said Thomas. “That’s the type of player we’re looking for, whether he’d be a wing or play up front or in the middle.

Way to think outside the box ishiah. btw, in case you forgot, here's the definition of "mantra"

"A sacred verbal formula repeated in prayer, meditation, or incantation, such as an invocation of a god, a magic spell, or a syllable or portion of scripture containing mystical potentialities."

At least Zeke used the word correctly.

Is everyone familiar with the "allan houston" rule? basically, with the new CBA, NBA teams are allowed to waive one guy in an amenesty move. You still have to pay the guy, and he still counts against the cap (i think), but you no longer have to pay the luxery tax on his contract. It's been informally dubbed the Allan Houston Rule b/c houston's contract is an albatross, arguably the worst contract in all of sports. While there are equally unworthy contracts, this one was shocking right from day one, as the Knicks out bid themselves for this aging shooting guard who can't play defense.

Ok, so with all that being said, would you care to guess who the knicks chose to use the Allan Houston Rule on?

A) Allan Houston - aging shooting guard who can't play defense and who's knees are so bad that he hasn't been able to play for any extended period of time in the last two years. He's the 2nd highest paid player in the NBA this upcoming season, and will get a RAISE next season as well. Waiving him would save 39.8 million in luxury tax.

B) Shannon Anderson - No longer a Knick because he was waived last season. Thus, using the rule on him would cost the Knicks nothing talent wise, but would shave 18 million in luxury tax.

C) Maurice Taylor - all offense, no defense. Not a good combination for the defensive minded Larry Brown. Cutting him would save 19.8 million.

D) Jerome Williams - Defensive and Rebounding Role player who has little offense. Cutting him would only save 12.5 million.






If your answer was D, please stop reading my blog, b/c i don't like you Mr. Dolan.

There has been a growing level of hatred that I feel towards Applebees [note to self: try and find that multiple page letter i wrote them], but their non stop advertising campaign that they are part of the neighborhood is driving me crazy.

Their latest commercial is how the local football team comes to them after they lost the big game. Even though it's past closing time, applebees decides to stay open for them b/c "they care". Applebees, you see, cares about the local area despite the fact that they are a huge chain of identical franchises.

I have very very very little faith in the american consumer (mainly b/c they are american). But come on, do they really buy into this? What's more "local"? a mom-pop shop that's been around the neighborhood for 3 generations, or this corporate franchise that just steamrolls in? Putting some posters of the local team on your wall doesn't make you local.

If anyone goes to applebees to support local authenticity, they should be shot.

there was a debate going on about the scene in which a younger Nate was crying over the death of Kurt Cobain. One poster took offense to another poster's use of the word "genius" when describing Kurt. Then, in another post, they were debating whether a 30 year old would even care.

one poster had a comment that went something like this: "i'm about Nate's age, and was thus around 30 or so too when Curt died. I didn't cry. I couldn't even imagine crying. I didn't even really know of Curt until AFTER he died. It's unrealistic that someone my age would cry".

What a self centered view of the world. She admitted to not even knowing who kurt was! but somehow her emotions are on the same level as someone who may have actually been a fan?!?

even though wade boggs got to 3000 hits, it was b/c his career was stretched out by playing on the expansion team devil rays. You see, b/c there are more teams, it's easier to get 3000 hits b/c there are more teams to play for when you get old.

i'm pretty sure that if you put all the latin american and asian players together, they'd make up 4 teams worth. So, shut up keith.

also, IF/WHEN biggio gets to 3000 hits, then he's HOF worthy for keith.

Biggio is one of the most amazing 2nd basemen of all time. he's a CLEAR first ballot HOF. end of story.

Can a fan base be so annoying as to drive a real fan away from the music? I’ve just about had it with DMB “fans”. I’m watching their newest storytellers, and the crowd is just packed with the stereotypical frat boys and teenyboppers that are ruining the DMB live experience. While this is to be expected, there was one incident in particular that really rubbed me the wrong way.

Now, the whole point of storytellers is for the band to tell the story of the song, right? Well, Dave starts talking about how this woman was telling him a story about how “she was driving down the road, and saw two boys who she thought were sleeping”. Now, obviously, he’s talking about the lyrics to Louisiana Bayou. But, even if you weren’t familiar with the song, the words “thought were sleeping” should probably clue you in that the kids are going to wind up being dead. But, the crowd explodes in cheers when the next line mentions “this was in Louisiana”.

Let me repeat that: the crowd erupted in thunderous applause as Dave’s talking about the tragedy of seeing two kids lying dead in the road. Apparently, these two kids were murdered for owing money and coins were placed on their eyes and where the bullets entered their skulls.

No no momma now devil don't do-si-do
Two young boys lyin' dead by the side of the road
The coins in their eyes represent the money they owe
No judge or jury ever gonna hear the story told

And, not only is the crowd retarded for cheering that, but they couldn’t even guess the song from his opening line. If you are going to give the pavlovian (sp) response of cheering when you recognize a song, at least recognize the song when he mentions the opening line of the lyrics. Absolutely disgusting.

The one funny part of this storytellers is that when the band’s getting interviewed, Butch Taylor is sitting in a row behind the band. He’s not even allowed to sit in the same row! I’ll never forget Dave’s response from years ago as to why Butch isn’t actually “in” the band.

When you have a family, and you adopt a child, you love the child, but he’ll always be adopted. You just don’t love him the same way as you would other members of the family. {me paraphrasing}

We all have them in our closet. Kind of hard to describe. A little better than Rahmen Noodle soup....Usually a pasta with some type of sauce that sounds a lot fancier than it really is. This is the bottom of the dinner food chain. They sit there for months until you run out of all other options.

Here's my main problem with them. [ok, my main problem is that they don't taste good, but that's a boring rant]. My main problem is that they are counter intuitive. They are meant to be a last resort. However, they require the use of multiple pots (or at least a pot and a bowl), and often they REQUIRE milk. Now, riddle me this. If i had milk, i'd clearly be in early part of my food shopping rotation. Milk is the 2nd thing to go (after coldcuts). So, if i had milk, i'd most likely have a lot of other things in my fridge, and i wouldn't be resorting to these pasta-box dinners.

I think i make matters worse by taking shortcuts [instead of letting the water boil first, i throw the pasta right in there, etc], but that's besides the point. It's pretty elitist for these boxes to require milk. "you are teh bottom of the food chain. you are not allowed to require milk. If you want milk, go out and get it."

this dinner is disgusting.

I never finished the "understanding Einstein" book. If i had, i'm sure i would have read a chapter on how ironing pants is physically impossible. Ironing shirts is bad in and of itself, but pants are definitely impossible. At least with shirts, you can put the ironing board through the shirt and do one side at a time.

No so with pants. And if there's something non flat on the other side (zipper, pocket, belt loops, etc) it just makes it worse.

I've spent 30 minutes ironing these pants, it's after 11, and i'm quitting.

[note: it's so dark in here that i can't even see the wrinkles. but i know they are there]

If anyone comments on the wrinkles at work, i will kill them.

I'm watching Best in Show on tv, and i'm re-convinced that it's one of the best comedies of all time. But, I haven't laughed once. And now that I think about it, I don't think this movie has EVER made me laugh. I'm sitting here, thinking how brilliant the writing is (or the actors, if they are adding their own ad libs), and how the timing is just right on the money. But i'm not even smiling.

Objectively, this is the funniest movie ever. Subjectively, it can't even get a chuckle from me.

Why?




[oh, and i see it's now even easier to add a picture, so i'm testing it out. Obviously, this picture has nothing to do with the post]

I have been a wrestling fan for as long as I can remember…From Hulkamania running wild in the 80’s (still remember the turkey sandwiches made during intermission of Survivor Series on thanksgiving nights at my cousin’s house), to the sparked revival of my interest during the rise of ECW in the mid 90’s, and up to the growth of the internet wrestling community, Netcop, and all the like.

I have spent roughly 20 years being a fan of wrestling and have spent a countless amount of money on merchandise and live shows. Even now, in the darkest hours of the sport, I still consider myself a fan.

And Vince McMahon doesn’t care about me at all.

Why should he? He knows he already has me hooked. There’s no need to address my concerns or interests. Even though a long term fan needs storylines that are cohesive and non-contradictory, Vince continues to ignore such needs. His goal, and rightfully so to a certain extent, is simply a matter of numbers; he has to bring in the casual fan. The average person who flips by the channel on a Monday night and has his eye caught is more important to Vince. The wrestling boom experienced in the late 90’s was based on this. Suddenly it became cool to wear 3:16 t-shirts and shout “smell what the rock is cooking”. The numbers were generated by these Johnny-Come-Lately fans. And while it spiked numbers, the problem is that they leave just as quickly.

Vince McMahon, just like every other creator, is too shortsighted to see the big picture. Watching Sportscenter lately has become a gut-wrenching experience. Real fans of sports can’t watch it, but I’m sure the causal television viewer loves the Entertainment aspects of it.

Every form of art degenerates to the lowest common denominator. It is impossible to be both popular and good. All genres are like ice bergs. At first, only the highest level is exposed. It’s the art at its purest form, and it generates interest. But to draw in a little more exposure, you have to widen the art. You dig a little deeper, make things a little more generic, and all of a sudden, you have a nice huge chunk of ice, but it’s below sea level.

Nothing of quality can exist, but it will be overshadowed or consumed by something more bland, but of higher quantity. A sitcom will inevitably become one dimensional as the characters become more X-treme to the max (see: friends Joey and Pheobe).

If this was JUST relevelant in a discussion of Art, I could accept it. Unfortunately, it’s true in all aspects of life, including politics. The democrats are the Vince McMahon of the political world. They know they essentially have me hooked, so they can move on to expanding their net to cast. They move more and more to the right in order to garner support from the slack jawed locals.

What can I do? I can’t NOT vote democrat. At least they are the lesser of two evils (and I’m not going to throw my vote away again like I did in 2000). Right? But, it drives me crazy that they don’t care about me and only throw me a bone every now and again. They are being very presumptuous to take me for granted.

I want a political party that’s not afraid to just be the tip of the iceberg. To stand up for something that they truly believe in… To not be afraid to offend the masses. We need to start moving the masses towards us, instead of us moving towards the masses (and their apathetic and generic agendas). If not, we’re doomed.

Come to think of it, I haven’t watched wrestling in months. Maybe Vince doesn’t have me as hooked as I thought.

but i'm bored....

Sharp Develops 'Two-Way Viewing-Angle' LCD


At last, a way to end squabbles over which TV channel to watch — without buying a second set. Sharp Corp. has developed a liquid-crystal display that shows totally different images to people viewing the screen from the left and the right.

Is this really a problem in the real, non cliched, world? Sure, Seinfeld's act in the early 90's had a bit about how men "hunt" and women "nurture" in terms of their tv viewing. But i think you get to the point where either you are interested in the same programs or you aren't. Is it that difficult to watch tv by youself when you like a show that the other person doesn't? If you are watching different programs, then you really can't interact with the person next to you. At that point, you are basically 2 year olds playing in the same sandbox. the other person is there, but not really.

One person can be surfing the Internet, using the display as a PC screen, while another watches a downloaded movie or TV broadcast. It also works for watching two TV channels: One person can watch baseball while another watches a soap opera.

I'm sorry, call me old fashioned, but i just don't see the computer and entertainment/tv area ever uniting like this. Web TV failed for a reason. A computer, as we know it, involves tools such as printers, keyboards, mouses, etc, that just "fit" better in a desk area. Until my invention of a keyboardless keyboard (don't ask) takes over, i just don't envision someone lounging around on the couch, surfing the net.

and look how they picked the sexist stereotypes. baseball for men, and soap operas for women. Who is this invention targeted at? women in loveless marriages who day dream about being able to watch tv with their husbands? "oh, that john does is watch baseball. i wish i could pull him away from the tv....or at the very least be able to sit next to him when he does it.

Sad.

and btw, how are you supposed to LISTEN to either station if they are both on? does the sound get only sent to the corresponding side of the room? Has anyone thougth of the sound problem?!?

The "two-way viewing-angle LCD," announced by the Japanese consumer electronics maker Thursday, will go into mass production this month and will cost roughly twice as much as a standard display.

Roughly twice as much!!! so, it's like 2 tvs for the price of 2! Except you can't seperate the double tv, or have the 2nd one still working if the 1st one breaks down. Oh man, you can't make this stuff up.

[and please don't make the "it saves space" argument. these are plasma tvs we are talking about. ]

Sharp will offer the product for worldwide sale, but the Osaka-based company will also supply other manufacturers with the displays for various products expected later this year, said spokeswoman Miyuki Nakayama.

I don't really have any complaints with this paragraph.

Sharp says the technology offers many possibilities.

It could be used in cars so drivers can look at a map while the passenger watches a movie. Or at a store, sales clerks and clients can view different data on the same display simultaneously.

Hello client, this is clerk. Let's discuss different data. but, please stand exactly 17 inches to my right so we can both view this magic screen. What's that you say? One screen that is split in half and has two functioning displays [like having two windows opened on the computer] would be just as effective? and it would allow the opportunity for you, client, to view my data just in case you have a question? Well, that's crazy talk. Are you a communist?

Another possible use is for billboards that display two kinds of advertisements depending on where viewers stand. The display will also work in the regular way and show a single image to all viewers.

Dang jethro, it could work in the regular way too? that's fantastic. And btw, we already have billboards that show two images. They have little slabs of wood shaped like half opened blinds that allow for two pictures depending on your location. Do we really need this technology digitized? If you are going to have a friggin TV for a billboard, how about you just have a moving advertisment (or multiple ones) to begin with. DO we really believe that people standing to the left of a billboard represent a different target audience? Sheesh.

One catch is that the images overlap if viewers stand right in front of the screen. Moving a few inches to the left or right may be necessary for a clear view.

Yeah, that's a catch. That's a huge catch. That's captain intangibles going over his shoulder and diving over Cano to make a spectacular catch. read that again please. YOU CAN'T SEE IT STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SCREEN.

Another drawback is that users will have to work out a way to listen to the sounds coming from the different channels. One solution is for one viewer to use earphones.

Honey, let's watch tv together tonight. it's been so long since we had any quality time. Ok, now go put your headphones on so i can watch my baseball game in peace.

The technology appears to derive from Sharp's three-dimensional LCD displays, which work by projecting slightly different images to the right and left eyes without the use of special glasses. Sharp has been selling 3D laptops for a few years, aiming them mainly at engineers, architects and other professionals.

Technology for the sake of technology, with no useful purpose, is just stroking your ego.

A U.S. startup, Deep Light LLC, plans to launch its own monitors next year that can present several different images to different viewers in 3D without glasses.

I gotta be the first one to have this. all my friends will think i'm the coolest.

I don't know what the big deal is about this coach. Ok, he might be a little overly competitive, but all he was trying to do was put the best team on the field. I mean, is it THAT wrong to pay an 8 year old to injure his disabled teamate so he can't play in a meaningless tball game? oh wait, it is.


http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ap-youngplayerhurt

They covered the 111-mile 10th stage in 4 hours, 50 minutes, 35 seconds. Because of a protest at the start by farmers angry over wolf attacks on their sheep and cows, organizers shortened the race by more than 9 miles, beginning it after the town of Froges, near the city of Grenoble.

Repressed memories are funny, once unleashed, all the pain comes flooding back. And by pain, I mean hilarity. I had blacked out my attempt at murder in the Summer of 2001, but now the memories are as vivid as ever.

Steve’s friend was having a party in the Poconos. PJ picked me up and away we went. Just getting there was a brutal experience, as this place was deep in the middle of nowhere. When we finally got there, and were exausted by the trip, we were given a map by the receptionist who told us we were only at the main gate.

Upon arriving at this party, we were charged a shocking amount of money to partake in this party. I can’t remember the number, but I remember doing the math afterwards and it not adding up. We would later find out that they had been drinking all day (we got there around 10’ish), and we were basically subsidizing them. Screw it, I’ll take a guess and say it was 15 dollars a head.

Although the host was very nice, the rest of the cast was a sorry sack of characters. Randy, who immediately struck me as a meathead, had apparently brought this kid ____ [how sad is it that I can’t even remember the name of the person I tried to kill?]. When we got there, this kid was beyond drunk. He was shockingly loud and obnoxious, and playing a game of beer pong with him proved to be an exercise in tolerance.

At first, I used my patented passive aggressiveness to poke holes in his esteem (or at least get some laughs from PJ). The kid wasn’t biting though, as all the jokes went over his head. When we went upstairs for some food, I hatched a plan.

“hey, you know what would really get you over with the crowd? Jumping off the deck. All the chicks will think it’s cool”

“I don’t know, it’s kind of high…it could be dangerous”

“come on, I know you can do it. I have faith in you. I wouldn’t steer you wrong.”

Now, just in case the statute of limitations hasn’t run on attempted murder, I should throw in that 1) I was joking 2) I didn’t think he’d do it and 3) I didn’t expect him to get hurt if he did do it. Of course, that’s not the truth, as I was honestly hoping he’d do it and die. I threw in a few more lines of encouragement, and then went back down to the basement.

Then something spectacular happened. Everything moved in slow motion as I saw this angelic vision drift into my view. It was the kid. And he was falling from the deck. Our eyes met for a brief moment, and he pointed a big 2x4 at me (hacksaw jim duggan style), dropped it, and ran off into the woods.

Confusion, panic, fear. These were the feelings that everyone else at the party was experiencing. Me? Pride and Joy. We ran upstairs to see what had happened (as if I didn’t know!). Randy was flipping out. He comes up to me and says “right before he jumped, he said the big guy told him to do it. There are only two big guys here, you and John…”

“oh my god, John told him to jump? Why would he do that? That’s messed up man. I hope he’s ok”.

The host was freaked out partly b/c someone may have died at her party, but mostly b/c he had ripped off a part of the deck on his way down.

PJ and I gave a half hearted attempt to search the woods for him. About 10 feet in, it became “blair witch” and was total darkness. Allegedly, I confided in PJ that I hope we find this kid face down dead somewhere.

As the night wore on, Randy became increasingly panicky. When it started to pour, he grabbed a flash light, told us we were horrible friends, and that he was going out to save his friend. We told him that he’s probably just passed out in the car, but Randy retorted “don’t you think I checked their already?”

Randy came back around 3 in the morning completely soaked and w/o the kid. He said it was too dark, and was going to wait until sunrise to find him. We, on the other hand, proceeded to build a deck of cards on Adam, who had passed out (his words: went to sleep) hours ago.

Randy went to sleep in the basement w/o any blankets or pillows. Somewhere, I still have a picture of him laying completely still with his arms crossed. PJ and I snuck outside to discuss the current situation. We heard this horrific sound come from around back, and went to go investigate. But, it wasn’t a stray bear that we heard. Oh no, it was the kid, awaking from INSIDE HIS CAR! We ducked around the side of the house so that he wouldn’t see us. He stretched, yawned, and then went back into the car.

Now that we knew he was alive, I feared that my story would get out. Despite it being close to 5 am, we decided to leave the crime scene. We said our goodbyes to Steve, packed up our belongings and got the hell out of dodge. I think we laughed the entire way home.

Looking back, it’s more of a dream than reality. There are those who will claim that I’m exaggerating, but deep down in my heart, I know I wished death on that kid. And gosh darn it, I came pretty close.

Oh, and there was the added postscript bonus of learning that he threw up in his own car that night.

I've been tinkering with things in my head, trying to come up with an all ecompassing manifesto as to what i believe in. It's a little overwhelming, so instead, i'm going to just go point by point. My goal is to have 10 points, but that's mainly only b/c I'm a conceded human being and i think that my five fingers are so utterly important.

1) A tie only goes to the runner when you are up at bat.

While there are those who would label me as a bitter, negative person, I tend to disagree. I just think I see clearly and the world just happens to be a miserable place infested with selfish human beings. But, and this is a rare occurence, I'm willing to admit that I may be wrong. The thing that caused me to question my own beliefs happened at a softball game.

No matter how honest a team is, no matter how small the stakes are, there is always going to be controversey during the game. There will always be a close play where one team swears that the runner was safe, while the other team would bet the farm that the guy was out. How can this be? how can 10 sets of eyes (belonging to honest and fair people) see black, while another set of 10, equally fair and honest, see white? If they aren't trying to cheat, then what's the explanation?

Expectations and hopes must play a huge part in observations. If i'm in the field, i'm expecting and hoping that the guy is going to be thrown out. As the play develops, those hopes cloud my objectivity. I see the guy as "out", in part b/c that's what i want to see. It's not conscious or malicious....it's just human nature.

If honest people can be clouded during a simple softball game, it stands to reason that they could misjudge much bigger things. I no longer think that Americans are "evil" in their blind loyality to such a horrible government. Nobody wants to be from an evil country. They want to hold onto and cherish the misguided idea that their country is the best in the world. They want their baserunner to be safe.

I sincerely doubt that this new theory of mine will make me any less angry when complete idiots rave about the heroics of Pat Tillman with subjective rhetoric of "no, but he was defending our freedom...it's DIFFERENT." Even though such sheep can't help being so blind, the fact that they are still affects me. They allow the evil to exist. But regardless, at least now i can sleep easy that they aren't evil themselves, just very weak. Almost handicapped, if you will.

EAST	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA	STRK	L10
Washington	40	29	.580	-	24-9	16-20	281	286	Won 1	7-3

Remember that ridiculous post at espn.com where it said jeter was teh face of baseball? the writer discussed jeter hustling in the 9th inning of a blow out. Here's what really happened:

Update: Thanks to Repoz for providing some clarification to the story. On May 29, Jeter hit a grounder in the third inning of a 5-2 game. Apparently, David Wells was slow to get off the mound and field the ball. When he did, he threw wildly to first, pulling off the first baseman Millar for an error. Repoz's account indicates that Wells never even looked at Jeter (i.e. his "hustle" was not a factor in the throw. It was a fat 40+ year old pitcher making a bad fielding play). So there you have it. A bad play by the pitcher in the third inning in a relatively close game becomes a hit beat out in the ninth inning of a blow out.

my only gripe is that i would have liked to have seen Steven A. Smith's ignorance displayed in this chart

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2074360